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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Husband thinks I'm transphobic

160 replies

plesiosaurus · 15/09/2021 10:55

I'm devastated.
My husband has just said he believes trans women are women, and that my gender critical views are abhorrent. He compared it to thinking that all Muslims are terrorists, and said that I'm bigoted and transphobic. I'm struggling to see how we go forward from this to be honest.

OP posts:
Haiyaa · 15/09/2021 10:57

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SunIsBehindGreySky · 15/09/2021 10:58

He is entitled to an opinion. Lots of people call others names.

If you don't want to live with someone who can't accept reality you don't have to.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 15/09/2021 10:58

Does he have a daughter or sister? (Or mother if not) Ask him how he would feel about a man naked in a swimming pool changing room with them.

mommycarol · 15/09/2021 10:58

Hi, what made him believe that? Did you guys had a conversation about it? What do you think about trans people?

FindTheTruth · 15/09/2021 10:59

@plesiosaurus

I'm devastated. My husband has just said he believes trans women are women, and that my gender critical views are abhorrent. He compared it to thinking that all Muslims are terrorists, and said that I'm bigoted and transphobic. I'm struggling to see how we go forward from this to be honest.
OP, this thread might help www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3145470-Break-it-down-for-me
RoseisMadder · 15/09/2021 11:01

How did the conversation start?
I started super slow with my DP, he was on the fence leaning more to the liberal left but after many conversations I’ve peaked him.
Need a bit more context to know what to advise

Original poster
plesiosaurus · 15/09/2021 11:01

He's in his 50s, left wing (as am I) and has completely swallowed the "be kind" nonsense. We have a daughter. She is in her teens and also very twaw. I feel like my views are being totally ignored and derided.

OP posts:
FFSFFSFFS · 15/09/2021 11:06

So he’d sleep with a tw then?

TheBurmundseyIndustrialEstate · 15/09/2021 11:07

How has he arrived at that opinion- is he into identity politics, where has he formed his viewpoint?
How is he on other issues, have you had a long marriage?
Would he include transwomen in his dating pool if not it’s just all double standards.
It’s just too easy for men to dismiss our concerns unfortunately as it doesn’t actually affect them.

Polkadotties · 15/09/2021 11:07

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JustSpeculation · 15/09/2021 11:07

Critical Reasoning: A Romp Through the Foothills of Logic for Complete Beginners by Marianne Talbot

This book looks interesting, and might help. Has he a birthday coming up?

Original poster
plesiosaurus · 15/09/2021 11:08

@FFSFFSFFS Not a chance in hell that he would.

OP posts:
RoseisMadder · 15/09/2021 11:08

Has he closed all conversation on the subject?
You can either keep talking because frankly, it’s your protected belief and he should respect that
Or avoid the subject and accept you can’t discuss GC topics with him
Or LTB!
Not sure what I’d do. I’d be upset that my DP believed I was a bigot. I think I’d weigh up whether I could be patient and see if he peaks or just leave

RoseisMadder · 15/09/2021 11:09

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Fitt · 15/09/2021 11:09

Does he have a beard?

There's a great piece around somewhere addressing the woke bro who says TWAW and insults women. I can't find it.

Hopefully some one can. I would send it to him.

I've had a DS come out with the Muslim/terrorist line. He's just thoughtlessly repeating mantras.

Anothermothernamegame · 15/09/2021 11:10

@FFSFFSFFS

So he’d sleep with a tw then?
Came on to say this! He fucking knows they're not the same...
zanahoria · 15/09/2021 11:10

Does he have a daughter or sister? (Or mother if not)

well he has a wife

FFSFFSFFS · 15/09/2021 11:11

Have you asked him the stanilans question? Because his position is that adult males with penises should be free to undress in the same changing room as your daughter. Ask him how he considers having this view is consistent with him being a good father. Is print it out and put it on the table tbh in black and white

Polkadotties · 15/09/2021 11:12

Would love to know why my post has been deleted

RoastChicory · 15/09/2021 11:12

This is not akin to Islamophobia. Islamophobia is defined as hatred of Muslims, not atheism. I totally respect my Muslim colleagues right to believe what they do, and their wish to dress in a way that reflects their beliefs. But I do not share those beliefs.

I am exactly the same with my trans colleague. Happy for them to wear what they like, and call them as they request and to protect them from assault etc, but I do not believe they are actually a woman.

RoseisMadder · 15/09/2021 11:12

You could always wake up tomorrow and identify as a man. Change your name and pronouns, insist he is transphobic if he refuses to validate your gender and that he is now a gay man Grin

FFSFFSFFS · 15/09/2021 11:12

Ask him to explain why there are single sex spaces and why this magically dissapears?

FindTheTruth · 15/09/2021 11:13

Questions for your husband

the Staniland question: “Do you believe that male-sexed people should have the right to undress and shower in a communal changing room with teenage girls?”

Wi Spa: Do you believe that Darren Agee Merager, 52 a sex-offender had a human right to go naked and partially erect into the spa, near a six year old girl? with naked females, girls, women and grandmas? Meager was ‘partially erect’ when he exposed himself. Also, he is a tier-one registered sex offender; 2018 indecent exposure over a women’s locker room incident at a swimming pool, two prior convictions of indecent exposure stemming from incidents in 2002 and 2003.

Original poster
plesiosaurus · 15/09/2021 11:14

He said that it's wrong to mistrust all men, and if he said that he mistrusted all women I'd accuse him of misogyny. He just won't see the fundamental difference that means women are instinctively mistrustful of men they don't know - the risk is not comparable!

OP posts:
PaleBlueMoonlight · 15/09/2021 11:15

Have you discussed the difference between describing reality and applying value judgments to the reality that you describe. Being able to accurately articulate the difference between a transwoman and a woman, is not the same as judging one group or the other as being better or worse.