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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Dh peaked last night…

230 replies

WhatsAppening · 27/08/2021 07:31

And by ‘peaked’ I mean my usually mild mannered don’t rock the boat just be kind oh mums going on about that trans stuff again ABSOLUTELY LOST HIS SHIT at 17yo DD telling him ‘super straight’ is transphobic as fuck.

I’ve never heard him swear as much as he did at DD telling him ladycock is a thing. He’s not remotely homophobic but being told he should theoretically accept ladycock into his sex life was a tipping point.

He gets it now.

OP posts:
AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 27/08/2021 15:36

Sounds like the OP’s peaking was nothing to do with women’s rights anyway but more to do with the suggestion he’d ever go near another man’s penis
And what is wrong with that? Why should he accept his sexual preferences be dictated by his 17 year old child?

Karwomannghia · 27/08/2021 15:39

My point is he’s only concerned about not ever being seen as gay. Absolutely nothing about the effect on women. And she didn’t dictate anything it’s just hot air.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 27/08/2021 15:40

@Karwomannghia

My point is he’s only concerned about not ever being seen as gay. Absolutely nothing about the effect on women. And she didn’t dictate anything it’s just hot air.
Oh, sorry. I didn’t realise you were there. My mistake
RufustheBadgeringReindeer · 27/08/2021 15:42

My point is he’s only concerned about not ever being seen as gay

Ds1 has been told that his genital preference is transphobic, he is not concerned about being seen as straight

Karwomannghia · 27/08/2021 15:44

@RufustheBadgeringReindeer

My point is he’s only concerned about not ever being seen as gay

Ds1 has been told that his genital preference is transphobic, he is not concerned about being seen as straight

Erm ok did his dad swear at him about that?
borntobequiet · 27/08/2021 15:44

But 'losing your shit' is not acceptable in a domestic context

I lose my shit when I fall down the steps to my kitchen (they’re slippy). All. The. Time.

GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman · 27/08/2021 15:45

OP, I feel your pain. One of mine identified as workshy for a few years. She has partly outgrown it. Fingers crossed the outgrowing continues.

As for all the posters having the vapours at the idea of a father shouting and swearing at a 17 yr old daughter...
A) I grew up in situation which in retrospect was borderline coercive control (of me and my DM). Sounds as if the OP's husband is generally pretty chill. Losing your shit once every year or six months does not equal abuse. Esp when you're being rudely and obnoxiously preached at.
B) Teens all seem to have a phase where they are not amenable to reason. Some go only through a short spell of this but others stick at it for years. And it gets fucking wearing. Everything you ask is a battle. They let you run around saving them from their own stupidity and the very next day hour get arsey when asked to empty the dishwasher. Then they get truly rude about something and raise their voice and then you lose your shit. It's called being human. If you've never done that when seriously and serially provoked, have a gold star.

BluebellsGreenbells · 27/08/2021 15:50

It's amazing how many posters excuse absolute dreadful behaviour the minute someone puts themselves under the trans umbrella

Totally agree, this teen came at her father with her ‘entitled’ view of what’s right and wrong and suggesting her father is wrong not to be open to sleeping we a boy (assume teen here) who’s identifies as a girl and is therefore a girl.

What straight couple would suggest to their own father that it’s acceptable to sleep with the teen gf/bf and not being ‘open’ to such a suggestion means they are transphobic?

RufustheBadgeringReindeer · 27/08/2021 15:53

Erm ok did his dad swear at him about that?

Nope…but knowing ds1 he probably swore at the person suggesting it

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 27/08/2021 15:54

I was pegging out washing earlier when a rouge pigeon dive bombed my head whilst flying over the garden. I lost my shit (and dropped my bloody peg basket) and called him/her (shan't misgender) a "Bastard pigeon twat". Should I apologise?

Kikako · 27/08/2021 15:55

It's amazing how many posters excuse absolute dreadful behaviour

Losing your shit as a father towards a teenage girl is dreadful behaviour. It's amazing how many posters are happy to condone abusive parenting if it hurts someone on the 'other' side.

Also important to note that in this instance it was the OP, not the teenager who 'lost the rag' initiated the unpleasantness. All these euphemisms hide some pretty ugly and bullying behaviour that is totally unjustified. You don't get to be aggressive just because you find someone else's views repugnant.

The OP's attitude towards her daughter stinks. And she's the adult. No wonder her daughter also sounds somewhat obnoxious.

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 27/08/2021 15:55

That should read rogue, not rouge. Although I'd love to see a pink pigeon.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 27/08/2021 16:00

Sympathies to you OP - I am fairly convinced that the end of the world will not be fiery Armageddon but a collective nervous breakdown brought about by the incessant gas-lighting that seems to go hand in hand with alleged progressivism......

There is nothing more likely to make people lose their shit than suggesting their sense of self is wrong or they're in denial in some way, especially when whatever the issue is hasn't been a problem prior to some other person deciding it is. It's often a power play and becomes a battle of wills. If your DH is heterosexual and secure with that, it doesn't translate to him being homophobic or transphobic for that matter, and he's perfectly entitled to express that without being berated and made to feel like a bad person.

It's all a bloody mess these days and I'm thankful my offspring are adults and pretty much just bemused by all of this.

Being a simple soul, I just feel like wailing "why can't we all just get along?" alot of the time.

But it's so hard to avoid these days - I was recently at a creative event partly hosted by a TW. When they were introduced, they crowded my space and then stood with their hand in the small of my back while we had "girly chat". I felt so uncomfortable but couldn't speak up. And I questioned myself as to whether I was over-reacting - but you know what, I've never had a woman do that - when you meet new people you read their cues don't you? Handshake? Hug? Air kiss? Whatever - but you don't go straight for physical contact like that. Turns out I wasn't the only person rewarded by the touchy feely treatment either, but as nere over-sensitive women, what can you do eh?

Sorry for the de-rail. Have Covid and am majorly grumpy anyway.

lazylinguist · 27/08/2021 17:22

I'm pretty sure that to most people, including teenagers, a one-off shouty argument on an emotive issue, maybe even involving a bit of swearing, wouldn't be regarded as abuse. And I say that as a very rarely shouty, rarely sweary person. If you listen to the language most teenagers use when talking to each other, and when arguing with each other, I think you'll find they are generally ok with a bit of swearing . I have rarely raised my voice to my teens and have never sworn at them (veey occasionally in front of them). But I can imagine losing my temper in the situation the OP described.

EastWestWhosBest · 27/08/2021 17:24

I like the term pan sexual. I think that’s a great way to be. Why limit yourself?

And yes, a lot of men don’t get it until it starts to effect them.

Ekofisk · 27/08/2021 17:33

I like the term pan sexual. I think that’s a great way to be. Why limit yourself?

I asked my friend’s teen DS what a pansexual was a while back.

“Horny and will shag anyone” was the not-very-woke answer.

Just10moreminutesplease · 27/08/2021 17:39

You’re happy that your husband ‘lost his shot’ with your 17 year old over a difference of beliefs?

That’s awful.

Lweji · 27/08/2021 17:41

“Horny and will shag anyone” was the not-very-woke answer.

It should have been "anyone and anything", as far as I know.

I have to say I have sworn at my teen, but not in anger. Something like fuck off, in fairly good humour, when he's trying to push my buttons. Then he asks me if I'm triggered. As teens do.

Some teens, as many children, and even adults, act out for negative attention in the absence of positive attention.
This outburst will only push her more away.

BluebellsGreenbells · 27/08/2021 17:49

Losing your shit as a father towards a teenage girl is dreadful behaviour. It's amazing how many posters are happy to condone abusive parenting if it hurts someone on the 'other' side.

What other side? Teen daughter was rude and aggressive towards her father questioning how sexuality and condoning it as poor choice.

How dare any teen question their parents sex life? Who when where how are not for his children’s to question.

If teen wants to educate, that is not how you do it.

AND I should imagine a lot of this is probably a constant ongoing theme with the teen obsessed with trans/sex/ etc

It’s wearing and DH in this incident lost his shit - probably bored to tears with it all!!

It’s like water drip torcher.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 27/08/2021 17:53

It's not just a difference of beliefs though is it? It's forcing a belief on a person and insulting and judging them for disagreeing with it and it's also about trying to change facts to justify the belief. Biology is biology.

Jemand · 27/08/2021 18:51

Torcher?

Ceto · 27/08/2021 18:55

I'm pretty sure that to most people, including teenagers, a one-off shouty argument on an emotive issue, maybe even involving a bit of swearing, wouldn't be regarded as abuse.

The point is really that shouting and swearing is hardly something to congratulate someone on. OP seems to think it was great.

borntobequiet · 27/08/2021 18:59

Sorry for the de-rail. Have Covid and am majorly grumpy anyway.

Do you know where you picked it up? Was it the too-touchy-feely creative event? That would be a shame.

Bollindger · 27/08/2021 19:07

Just because a teen thinks a lady cock, is a natural part of a female anatomy does not mean that the it's true.
It means they have swallowed the distorted truths schools are trying to push on our young, at some point the children become adults and realise that they don't like the poison that is being fed to them, but they have carry on and pretend or get called names, just like the Dad in this post.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 27/08/2021 19:09

@Ceto

I'm pretty sure that to most people, including teenagers, a one-off shouty argument on an emotive issue, maybe even involving a bit of swearing, wouldn't be regarded as abuse.

The point is really that shouting and swearing is hardly something to congratulate someone on. OP seems to think it was great.

And as OP was there, and we weren’t, I’ll take her word that it was warranted and not one sided nor abusive.