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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Dh peaked last night…

230 replies

WhatsAppening · 27/08/2021 07:31

And by ‘peaked’ I mean my usually mild mannered don’t rock the boat just be kind oh mums going on about that trans stuff again ABSOLUTELY LOST HIS SHIT at 17yo DD telling him ‘super straight’ is transphobic as fuck.

I’ve never heard him swear as much as he did at DD telling him ladycock is a thing. He’s not remotely homophobic but being told he should theoretically accept ladycock into his sex life was a tipping point.

He gets it now.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatsAppening · 27/08/2021 11:10

As though that’s some kind of medical diagnosis that requires reasonable adjustments She really seems to believe that.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatsAppening · 27/08/2021 11:12

Other than the roof over her head and food we aren’t funding her at all, much to her disgust. I do pay her phone but I won’t be renewing the contract.

She asked for a lift into town yesterday and we said no (it’s walkable) she said that’s unfair because DH was giving me a lift later Hmm I said well I work and pay for my car and petrol and she said ‘do you? You don’t really earn enough’.

She’s lucky to be alive right now tbh.

OP posts:
MadamBatty · 27/08/2021 11:13

She sounds an entitled madam or should that be xadam. What’s her plan for her life?

PumpkinSpiceWoman · 27/08/2021 11:13

@WhatsAppening

And by ‘peaked’ I mean my usually mild mannered don’t rock the boat just be kind oh mums going on about that trans stuff again ABSOLUTELY LOST HIS SHIT at 17yo DD telling him ‘super straight’ is transphobic as fuck.

I’ve never heard him swear as much as he did at DD telling him ladycock is a thing. He’s not remotely homophobic but being told he should theoretically accept ladycock into his sex life was a tipping point.

He gets it now.

How peculiar that his automatic reaction was to assume she was telling him to cheat on you.
Original poster
WhatsAppening · 27/08/2021 11:15

@PumpkinSpiceWoman u ok hun? Reading comprehension issues aside?

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 27/08/2021 11:20

@Knittingupastorm

She said she’s pan which includes all genders, being bisexual is transphobic

Bisexuality is transphobic? Is this a common view? And people still maintain that LGBT groups can cater for all (L+G+B+T)?

Apparently so...

My 22 year old son declared himself as pansexual after deciding that bisexuality was transphobic.

To date, he has dated precisely 0 men and 3 or 4 women, one of whom was a blue haired non binary who was the basis for his pansexual declaration as she wasn't a woman...

Artichokeleaves · 27/08/2021 11:21

It's that kind of transphobia that's about refusing to abandon all boundaries and sense of self on command and unconditionally obeying.

Yes, most people faced with all this on a personal level are going to get very angry. Swearing is probably going to be a part of that. Getting all pearl clutchy about it is rather like expecting someone to not react negatively to you when you're jumping up and down on their toes.

BigButtons · 27/08/2021 11:35

Well done you your dp @WhatsAppening
Your daughter is a pratt, she will grow out of it, she is practically an adult and needs to learn you can't shout and swear at people like that. If she does that to a non family member she might well get into very hot water.
Teens- so bloody entitled. I have 3 teen girls atm 15, 17 and 19. they know it all. I try and keep my mouth shut, but if one of them started that nonsense with me, telling me what my sexual preferences should be, then they would be shown they arse.

knittingaddict · 27/08/2021 11:42

Is this about heterosexual men having to find it acceptable to have sex with a transwoman? I may have misunderstood, but is that what your daughter was telling him? I genuinely want to understand what the op was about.

I've read your other pots now. In your first it sounded like you were congratulating your daughter and condemning your husband, so I was confused.

knittingaddict · 27/08/2021 11:42

post not pots.

zoemum2006 · 27/08/2021 11:44

Why do people find it so hard to talk to teenagers?

Why do people think shouting and swearing at them is ok?

Can't you just talk to them - even if they are pushing at the boundaries of what we consider normal? Because it was ever thus.

Can't you just say "this is a very new way of thinking about things and I don't really agree with it but I am prepared to listen and talk so we can understand each other".

I remember my parents being horrible to me when I said minstrel shows were racist - they called me ignorant. That still hurts 30 years later!

Couldn't they have just said to me "it used to be something people thought was entertaining but times have changes and we now understand it to be racist. It's important not to judge people in the past by our current beliefs because people in the future may judge our attitudes badly too".

These things are all learning opportunities for your children. Don't just shut them down and punish them.

3peassuit · 27/08/2021 11:45

When did bisexuality get to be considered transphobic? I don’t get any of this made up identity malarkey.

BatmansBat · 27/08/2021 11:46

I think that many men who are faced with the suggestion that they should accept dick in their sex life are outraged.

I even saw this quite a bit on Reddit recently. One comment was along the lines “I have hated TERFS for quite a while but if this is the s**t they have to put up with, I kind of understand them”.

SpittinKitten · 27/08/2021 11:47

@3peassuit

When did bisexuality get to be considered transphobic? I don’t get any of this made up identity malarkey.
Because its pinned on the idea of two sexes, not genders, and excludes pansexuals. That's as far as I understand it anyway..
senua · 27/08/2021 11:51

When did bisexuality get to be considered transphobic?
“When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean."

LalalalalalaLand123 · 27/08/2021 11:52

Great news OP! I hope your DD sees sense one day soon ............

Tealwarrior · 27/08/2021 11:53

I’m rather glad I’m too square to understand any of this.

Greystray · 27/08/2021 11:56

I'm impressed that young hetero couples have managed to reframe themselves as queer to satisfy their need to be seen as special.

DN is super special too. She's "bi-romantic". She doesn't think she'll ever be in a relationship with another woman (and neither do I) but she has positive feelings towards other girls these days. That makes her bi.

I could tell her she's an oppressive example of the patriarchy by not calling herself pan but she's preparing to leave for uni, so I expect she'll get her updates patch pretty quickly.

ApplesAreTheBaneOfMyLife · 27/08/2021 11:57

Tealwarrior my thoughts exactly!

Bollindger · 27/08/2021 11:57

The wrong are cocksure and those with knowledge are afraid to speak up.
They are finding mum and dad not funding their lazy life a shock.
After we had them, so we SHOULD fund them for ever,

Lweji · 27/08/2021 11:58

@zoemum2006

Why do people find it so hard to talk to teenagers?

Why do people think shouting and swearing at them is ok?

Can't you just talk to them - even if they are pushing at the boundaries of what we consider normal? Because it was ever thus.

Can't you just say "this is a very new way of thinking about things and I don't really agree with it but I am prepared to listen and talk so we can understand each other".

I remember my parents being horrible to me when I said minstrel shows were racist - they called me ignorant. That still hurts 30 years later!

Couldn't they have just said to me "it used to be something people thought was entertaining but times have changes and we now understand it to be racist. It's important not to judge people in the past by our current beliefs because people in the future may judge our attitudes badly too".

These things are all learning opportunities for your children. Don't just shut them down and punish them.

Good post.

I kind of understand where the OP and her husband come from, considering the teenager in question, but it might be worth considering why their own teens seem to feel the need to confront their parents so much (even if they grow out of it).

Keep asking her questions and keep the conversation going, even if you disagree with her.
As for the study/work thing, maybe a similar approach can work too.

HermioneKipper · 27/08/2021 11:58

Oh god OP. I hope your daughter wakes up and sees sense soon without any drama like being left with a baby.

Stay strong. People will come around from this madness soon. Glad your husband is on board

Redshoeblueshoe · 27/08/2021 11:58

Only on Mumsnet are you not allowed to raise your voice and swear at a belligerent teenager.
This is far more serious than the crap I used to spout as a teen. My mum's response used to be That's nice dear.
But this is far more dangerous. It's about demolishing boundaries.
Well done OPs husband.

PostingForTheFirstTime · 27/08/2021 11:59

Typical, but sad, that a man who lives with a gender-critical wife and a gender-woo daughter doesn't actually think about it because it doesn't affect him. But the minute he realises he is being expected to alter his behaviour and sexual preferences at pain of being called a nasty name - suddenly PING.

I'm not the first to claim this insight - but until it starts affecting the straight men, this battle is nowhere near won.

Thefaceofboe · 27/08/2021 12:00

Having a sweary argument with a teenager is not ok, I bet she was terrified

Terrified ffs Hmm I had many sweary arguments with my dad when I was a teenager and he was more likely the terrified one