How to (re)approach Headteacher (re: trans ideology)?

[therestissilence]

Advice needed so that I can act effectively and carefully. Context: small independent primary school, Catholic but not exclusive.

Two years ago, I arranged a meeting with the Head, armed with some TransgenderTrend literature; I wanted to see what her attitudes were towards the trans trend. At the time there were no kids in the school who thought they were trans. As I was telling her what has been going on in many other schools - and in wider society - she looked a little bit like she thought I was crazy, and responded with the (perhaps) naive 'well we won't be having any of that nonsense in this school'. I left her with the literature, nevertheless.

Lo and behold, a year 5 girl has emerged from lockdown (too much time on the internet?) saying she's a boy. She has a new name, has ditched the school uniform (which is very 'gendered' in our school for both the boys and girls) and wears PE kit everyday. Other parents have said their daughters have been distressed because when they 'accidentally' refer to her as 'her', or 'she' , the girl turns on them and calls them transphobic. It must be so confusing for them. I am extremely heartened, however, to hear that the teachers are still referring to the girl correctly - and seem not to be over-indulging her.

However, if the Head starts seeking advice, she could end up getting advice from the wrong people (such as Stonewall, GOD FORBID).

Now that she knows I'm NOT crazy, how might I re-approach her, in order to nudge her in the right and sane direction? I'm asking because I've already raised this once, and don't want to come across as bullish by requesting a second meeting.

Thankfully, my own daughter is in Y1, so will have minimal exposure to the mind-fuckery going on in Y5. However, I think it is a critical time for the school; they are facing their first 'case' and no doubt policies are being formulated as I type.

Advice?

Wondering whether you could bring the matter to the attention of the governors?

Whether governors or Head, I’d perhaps send a gentle email first saying you’ve heard about the year 5 girl and that you’re aware of varying resources/organisations available and politely suggest the tread very carefully.

Safer Schools Alliance have done fantastic resources - possibly worth printing off and handing into school.

Good luck, let us know how you get on.

I'd be wary of talking to the Head about a specific child (understandable as it is). It puts her in a difficult position when parents raise issues about other children. But I would pass her information about Safe Schools Alliance and the new guidance for schools from Transgender Trend and Sex Matters :

sex-matters.org/posts/updates/schools-guidance/

Link to the DfE guidance, and if possible slide in a mention of Stonewall being publicly criticised in the press at present for misrepresenting the law to what they would like instead of what it is - incidentally in a way that affects safeguarding and equality of girls- and links to them being suggested to be carefully considered.

Another big vote for SSA.

You need to book an appointment at the school. Once there, you can explain to the head how inclusive you are. They can explain how the trans child (who most don't even know they are trans) has moved schools or been brave enough to be themselves in an effort to avoid bullying that you most possibly couldn't imagine. You can go on to say, that although he or she is living quite happily and uneventfully amongst their piers, he or she is now now needs to be identified for no other reason than causing distress to the parents of children and students the school. There are a few groups such as transgender trend and wpuk who will support you in this endeavour and make up all sorts of stuff that isn't really supported along the way. On the other hand, you could invite said child to your house, enjoy a wonderful child's party and despite rumours, the world will turn and children will remain safe.

The choice is you're I suppose. For many it's easy but some need to take their time. Good luck🍀

Thank you @Artichokeleaves @MrsOvertonsWindow and @Leafstamp.

Excellent advice from all three of you, which I will use as I work on my approach. SSA - definitely. Not mentioning the child in question - definitely. Criticism of Stonewall and their spurious legal advice - definitely.

I will not mention the girl, but she will no doubt know that this is what has sparked the email, so that's all good.

I will open the email by saying something along the lines of 'Even over the last two years, the issues that I brought up have become more and more relevant as cases of 'trans' children in schools increase exponentially'. That should hit home, as she is suddenly seeing evidence of exactly what I was talking about back then.

Thanks again! I'll keep you updated.

[quote MrsOvertonsWindow]I'd be wary of talking to the Head about a specific child (understandable as it is). It puts her in a difficult position when parents raise issues about other children. But I would pass her information about Safe Schools Alliance and the new guidance for schools from Transgender Trend and Sex Matters :

sex-matters.org/posts/updates/schools-guidance/[/quote]
Yes, sorry I didn’t mean referring to the specific girl, but just using “I’ve heard a child in the school is....” as an opener and recognising that will likely be more children in the future so maybe now is a good opportunity to find out the most appropriate resources.

Cross posted, sounds like you’ve picked the best advice from what we’ve all posted. Good luck!

My suggestion is that you look at the major developments that have occurred since your last meeting and say you'd like to meet to give her an update.

Significant ones include the revised government guidance, www.transgendertrend.com/department-for-education-rse-guidance-schools/ and the resultant the Mermaids U-turn, lilymaynard.com/born-in-the-wrong-body-thats-not-what-we-meant/, and recent events around Stonewall, such as the EHRC intervention in the Maya Forstater case and their withdrawal from the Diversity Champions scheme, www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-57219989.

This is not your child and does not even concern your child. I'm going to say the same thing to you that I say to the young children I teach. I would suggest you worry about yourself and your family instead of someone else.

@sunnymondays

This is not your child and does not even concern your child. I'm going to say the same thing to you that I say to the young children I teach. I would suggest you worry about yourself and your family instead of someone else.

Well, having seen the thread about the video that has been shown in a primary school, I’d suggest that we all err on the side of caution if we do not want our children lied to.

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good (wo)men to do nothing.”

From what you've said, I would avoid contacting the school again at this stage. The trans-identifying child is not directly impacting on your child, and it sounds like the school are already handling it well. If other children are distressed at this child calling them transphobic then that needs to be raised by their own parents, not a third party. You are essentially uninvolved in this situation so you need to just trust the school to deal with it. If anything, now might be a good time to request information about their RSE policy and providers. But beyond that, unless you have some sort of career-based expertise then you should be wary of offering to recommend materials at this stage. After all, if any old parent can contact the Head to direct policies or curriculum, that's a bit of a recipe for trouble

So you're telling the headteacher her job, and using this one child's existence as an excuse to do so?

Why on earth do you think it's your right to do this?

if any old parent can contact the Head to direct policies or curriculum, that's a bit of a recipe for trouble

Exactly.

Two years ago, I arranged a meeting with the Head, armed with some TransgenderTrend literature; I wanted to see what her attitudes were towards the trans trend. At the time there were no kids in the school who thought they were trans.

FFS! I think a headteacher is more than capable of doing their own research on the matter!

After all, if any old parent can contact the Head to direct policies or curriculum, that's a bit of a recipe for trouble

Even if those policies are misrepresenting the law because Stonewall have had a hand in them (or, the more likely scenarios that they’re just accidentally conflating sex and gender due to outdated definition that give the two meaning the same thing)?

What about if school also start teaching that creationism is fact? (what with it being a Catholic school ‘n all. Would any old parent not be allowed to contact the Head then?

The Roman Catholic Church does not believe in nor teach creationism.

@toocold54

Two years ago, I arranged a meeting with the Head, armed with some TransgenderTrend literature; I wanted to see what her attitudes were towards the trans trend. At the time there were no kids in the school who thought they were trans.

FFS! I think a headteacher is more than capable of doing their own research on the matter!

IMO primary heads are very busy people who would not have time to do their research on what is basically not a mainstream issue for them.

@justawoman

The Roman Catholic Church does not believe in nor teach creationism.

Wish you’d tell that the RE lead at the local catholic school here!

What about if school also start teaching that creationism is fact? (what with it being a Catholic school ‘n all. Would any old parent not be allowed to contact the Head then?

As a Science teacher do you know how many parents want me to teach creationism or other religious teachings during my lessons?
I’m always sensitive to different religions but I’m not going to change the lessons because a parent has complained about something that has nothing to do with her.

@toocold54

What about if school also start teaching that creationism is fact? (what with it being a Catholic school ‘n all. Would any old parent not be allowed to contact the Head then?

As a Science teacher do you know how many parents want me to teach creationism or other religious teachings during my lessons?
I’m always sensitive to different religions but I’m not going to change the lessons because a parent has complained about something that has nothing to do with her.

I think we’ve crossed wires a bit, do you mean lots of parents have or haven’t asked you to teach creationism?

I meant that if school did start teaching creationism as fact then parents would have a right to intervene.

Just like if schools start teaching children they can change sex and compel them to use preferred pronouns then parents have a right to intervene. IMO, that is.

I should add, I’m a bit stirred up about all of this because of this thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/4253362-School-Video-Words-just-can-t-convey

@therestissilence

Advice needed so that I can act effectively and carefully. Context: small independent primary school, Catholic but not exclusive.

Two years ago, I arranged a meeting with the Head, armed with some TransgenderTrend literature; I wanted to see what her attitudes were towards the trans trend. At the time there were no kids in the school who thought they were trans. As I was telling her what has been going on in many other schools - and in wider society - she looked a little bit like she thought I was crazy, and responded with the (perhaps) naive 'well we won't be having any of that nonsense in this school'. I left her with the literature, nevertheless.

Lo and behold, a year 5 girl has emerged from lockdown (too much time on the internet?) saying she's a boy. She has a new name, has ditched the school uniform (which is very 'gendered' in our school for both the boys and girls) and wears PE kit everyday. Other parents have said their daughters have been distressed because when they 'accidentally' refer to her as 'her', or 'she' , the girl turns on them and calls them transphobic. It must be so confusing for them. I am extremely heartened, however, to hear that the teachers are still referring to the girl correctly - and seem not to be over-indulging her.

However, if the Head starts seeking advice, she could end up getting advice from the wrong people (such as Stonewall, GOD FORBID).

Now that she knows I'm NOT crazy, how might I re-approach her, in order to nudge her in the right and sane direction? I'm asking because I've already raised this once, and don't want to come across as bullish by requesting a second meeting.

Thankfully, my own daughter is in Y1, so will have minimal exposure to the mind-fuckery going on in Y5. However, I think it is a critical time for the school; they are facing their first 'case' and no doubt policies are being formulated as I type.

Advice?

I wouldn't worry too much. Catholic school. They are going to be anti Queer by default, so will reinforce stereotypes until the poor kid leaves and goes to somewhere welcoming I would expect.

Jesus wept no doubt!

@justawoman

The Roman Catholic Church does not believe in nor teach creationism.

I'm not sure if I'm right but, they do seem to have a problem at a worrying incidence of staff praying on children and the vulnerable. I'm sure most do good work but, something similar needs to be done to ensure we don't reach a point where we are saying 'watch priests just in case. ' Imagine the hate generated from that belief.

Thanks @nauticant ! Definitely going to go down the 'major developments' route. Two years ago she was incredulous that this sort of thing could be even happening, so I really do think in this small school - which is in a bit of a bubble, to he honest - she may well have not been aware of what's been going on elsewhere.

@MishyJDI

It's precisely the reinforcing of stereotypes I don't want to see in a school of primary aged children. This is what trans-ideology is all about. The girl in question is one of many 'tomboys' (for want of a better word) in the school. And that's OK. Girls can be whatever they want and whoever they want without feeling it means they are a 'boy', which is utterly, insanely and depressingly regressive.