How to (re)approach Headteacher (re: trans ideology)?

[therestissilence]

Advice needed so that I can act effectively and carefully. Context: small independent primary school, Catholic but not exclusive.

Two years ago, I arranged a meeting with the Head, armed with some TransgenderTrend literature; I wanted to see what her attitudes were towards the trans trend. At the time there were no kids in the school who thought they were trans. As I was telling her what has been going on in many other schools - and in wider society - she looked a little bit like she thought I was crazy, and responded with the (perhaps) naive 'well we won't be having any of that nonsense in this school'. I left her with the literature, nevertheless.

Lo and behold, a year 5 girl has emerged from lockdown (too much time on the internet?) saying she's a boy. She has a new name, has ditched the school uniform (which is very 'gendered' in our school for both the boys and girls) and wears PE kit everyday. Other parents have said their daughters have been distressed because when they 'accidentally' refer to her as 'her', or 'she' , the girl turns on them and calls them transphobic. It must be so confusing for them. I am extremely heartened, however, to hear that the teachers are still referring to the girl correctly - and seem not to be over-indulging her.

However, if the Head starts seeking advice, she could end up getting advice from the wrong people (such as Stonewall, GOD FORBID).

Now that she knows I'm NOT crazy, how might I re-approach her, in order to nudge her in the right and sane direction? I'm asking because I've already raised this once, and don't want to come across as bullish by requesting a second meeting.

Thankfully, my own daughter is in Y1, so will have minimal exposure to the mind-fuckery going on in Y5. However, I think it is a critical time for the school; they are facing their first 'case' and no doubt policies are being formulated as I type.

Advice?

And what helmet said.

@Helmetbymidnight

Whether it is right or wrong in the long run, who knows, but if desks no longer fly across the room and children aren't witnessing weekly terrifying emotional breakdowns because they are now calling a boy by a girls name, is it really so bad?

Blimey that whole situation sounds horrendous - and yes, I think that's really bad. I don't want my kids taught that their role is to mollify violent kids - and I especially don't want my DD told - by adults - that she has to upend her understanding of grammar and biology and give up her boundaries otherwise the aggressive boy will kick-off.

This 100%

Honestly @Helmetbymidnight I'm done. She isn't giving up her boundaries and her grammar and biology haven't been confused. You are clearly anti trans and I'm not. Let's leave it there.

Well done OP!

I'd focus in terms of communication on my own child(ren) and the school culture including the need for spaces segregated by sex, teaching that acts to dismantle rather than support sex/gender stereotypes and the need for wariness regarding social contagion.

[quote Overdueanamechange]@Fernlake So what if they have questions? What about "respect each other" as an answer?
This isn't about erasing women, single sex spaces, single sex prisons, trans women in women's sports - all of these I am 100% against.[/quote]
If a child asks the overwhelmingly predictable how come so and so says they are now the opposite sex, and your answer is just respect them, where do you think the safeguarding happens in a scenario like that?

Why on earth would you think that would be a credible answer.

What other questions by children should be answered with 'just respect them'?

What do you think that is telling children about their boundaries?

@YetAnotherSpartacus. I will certainly touch on these. Composing my email as we speak.

I will keep you all updated. Really pleased with my little bit of feminist / GC activism today. The response from the Head shows I definitely did the right thing (and that with all your help, thank you!)

As far as the boring and inane, and often ironic, 'you're an anti-trans bigot with an agenda' comments go:

Water. Off. A. Ducks. Back

I'm not being funny @Overdueanamechange, but that is what I mean when I say children will have questions. You can't just shut them down with a recommendation that they respect something they don't understand and you cant explain.

And the minute you get into trying to answer the questions, the whole edifice falls apart. You're telling children to validate somebody in a situation that denies reality.

It's not just manners, is it? It's validating something that's not true. It's not a good life lesson for children, surely you can see that?

Especially if the alternative is the person will be violent.

Jeez.

Water. Off. A. Ducks. Back

Good.

Really pleased with my little bit of feminist / GC activism today. The response from the Head shows I definitely did the right thing (and that with all your help, thank you!)

Great to hear that, OP 👏

@Overdueanamechange

This is much more complicated than it needs to be. All that happened in my child's CATHOLIC school was that the teacher had a quick word with the kids. She told them "Fred" would now like to be called "Anna", and please refer to Anna as she, her. Anna would not be changing in the girls changing rooms, but would instead use the single cubicle toilets. Everyone is fine, no one is confused, and Anna's mental health and behaviour is significantly better. The sports are mixed at their school anyway BTW (unless you are in a special team) so no appropriation. Some kids and teachers in this Catholic school are openly gay and teach tolerance and understanding.

So are the children being taught that 'Fred' has changed sex? Or that he can change sex? Are they told that they have to believe this?

Does 'Fred' think that he can change sex? Or that he has changed sex?

What do you tell the children who don't believe that people can change sex?

''So are the children being taught that 'Fred' has changed sex? Or that he can change sex? Are they told that they have to believe this?

Does 'Fred' think that he can change sex? Or that he has changed sex?

What do you tell the children who don't believe that people can change sex?''

'Anna felt intensively that the gender 'male' did not feel right, like it does for most boys. She felt strongly that her gender was 'female' so she is now what we call 'trans' - someone who has transitioned from one gender to another. This doesn't mean they have magically changed themselves or their bodies. Please treat Anna with respect and support, it's a very brave thing for her to do'

@BilindaB

But that paragraph that you have suggested affirms that one can change from one 'gender' to another, whatever on earth that means, considering 'gender' is totally socially constructed anyway. It also reinforces stereotypes. Because Anna likes so-called 'feminine' things it means she must be a girl? How about letting all children know that any girl and any boy can be whoever they want, and express themselves however they want, regardless of their gender?

It's just so regressive.

@BilindaB

''So are the children being taught that 'Fred' has changed sex? Or that he can change sex? Are they told that they have to believe this?

Does 'Fred' think that he can change sex? Or that he has changed sex?

What do you tell the children who don't believe that people can change sex?''

'Anna felt intensively that the gender 'male' did not feel right, like it does for most boys. She felt strongly that her gender was 'female' so she is now what we call 'trans' - someone who has transitioned from one gender to another. This doesn't mean they have magically changed themselves or their bodies. Please treat Anna with respect and support, it's a very brave thing for her to do'

So you're agreeing that Fred has not changed sex, correct?

So does that mean that Fred felt very uncomfortable with the expectations placed on him by, presumedly everyone in the school, at home, and everyone in wider society.

And, because he believes that the expectations placed on girls suit him far better, he wants to reinforce those expectations by saying that if he fulfils them, he must be thought of as a girl.

If there is an alternative explanation, I'd love to hear it.

No you wouldn't.

@BilindaB

No you wouldn't.

Try me.

I'm afraid when it comes down to 'you don't understand, you don't need to understand, just do what I tell you to do and shut up, and don't question or you're a bad person', then you're onto a loser really.

"She is now asking, out of curiosity, where my interest in this subject has come from."

This is head speak for - please can you tell me if there is a lot of gossip about one child from our school and how this is being received by the parents - as you are the first person to come to me to discuss this. Is this an issue I need to worry about.....

@Overdueanamechange

This is much more complicated than it needs to be. All that happened in my child's CATHOLIC school was that the teacher had a quick word with the kids. She told them "Fred" would now like to be called "Anna", and please refer to Anna as she, her. Anna would not be changing in the girls changing rooms, but would instead use the single cubicle toilets. Everyone is fine, no one is confused, and Anna's mental health and behaviour is significantly better. The sports are mixed at their school anyway BTW (unless you are in a special team) so no appropriation. Some kids and teachers in this Catholic school are openly gay and teach tolerance and understanding.

That's a lovely, reassuring story - nice to read among the reams of nastiness & intolerance spewed all over this thread. Thanks @overdueanamechange

Calling women nasty and intolerant because they ask questions doesn't cut the mustard.

Fascinating.

Gosh you sound very judgemental @Justhadathought. These are teens at senior school

No! these are primary school children, and it is a girl who now wishes to be known and referred to as a boy. too right, I'm judging. this is just an abuse of the other pupils, making such young children have to go along with a pretence, and with the suggestion that this one pupil is brave and special........social contagion is real and lots of young girls get caught up in it.

Just leave it alone and focus on your own child. You sound as if you have an agenda and wish to push it. Feel sorry for the head

The agenda is being pushed onto the school by the child's parents, not by the OP.

This is an entirely different matter to the school being notified that a child's mother or father has died, for example, and that everyone needs to be a little bit sensitive and aware.

[quote therestissilence]@BilindaB

But that paragraph that you have suggested affirms that one can change from one 'gender' to another, whatever on earth that means, considering 'gender' is totally socially constructed anyway. It also reinforces stereotypes. Because Anna likes so-called 'feminine' things it means she must be a girl? How about letting all children know that any girl and any boy can be whoever they want, and express themselves however they want, regardless of their gender?

It's just so regressive.[/quote]
This- entirely!