How to (re)approach Headteacher (re: trans ideology)?

[therestissilence]

Advice needed so that I can act effectively and carefully. Context: small independent primary school, Catholic but not exclusive.

Two years ago, I arranged a meeting with the Head, armed with some TransgenderTrend literature; I wanted to see what her attitudes were towards the trans trend. At the time there were no kids in the school who thought they were trans. As I was telling her what has been going on in many other schools - and in wider society - she looked a little bit like she thought I was crazy, and responded with the (perhaps) naive 'well we won't be having any of that nonsense in this school'. I left her with the literature, nevertheless.

Lo and behold, a year 5 girl has emerged from lockdown (too much time on the internet?) saying she's a boy. She has a new name, has ditched the school uniform (which is very 'gendered' in our school for both the boys and girls) and wears PE kit everyday. Other parents have said their daughters have been distressed because when they 'accidentally' refer to her as 'her', or 'she' , the girl turns on them and calls them transphobic. It must be so confusing for them. I am extremely heartened, however, to hear that the teachers are still referring to the girl correctly - and seem not to be over-indulging her.

However, if the Head starts seeking advice, she could end up getting advice from the wrong people (such as Stonewall, GOD FORBID).

Now that she knows I'm NOT crazy, how might I re-approach her, in order to nudge her in the right and sane direction? I'm asking because I've already raised this once, and don't want to come across as bullish by requesting a second meeting.

Thankfully, my own daughter is in Y1, so will have minimal exposure to the mind-fuckery going on in Y5. However, I think it is a critical time for the school; they are facing their first 'case' and no doubt policies are being formulated as I type.

Advice?

I feel uncomfortable about this. I don’t think it’s appropriate to talk to your Head just because there is a dysphoric child in the school. Why not wait and see if it becomes an issue that impacts your child in any way and then act? You say some other parents have mentioned their children getting upset because this child has called them transphobic. Rather than reacting to hearsay wait and see if your child experiences this? I actually feel sorry for the child because they must be terribly confused - the school is ostensibly supporting them by allowing them to wear a special uniform but then you say the teachers aren’t changing how they refer to them? And the child accusing other kids of being ‘transphobic’ - might that just be them discussing the issue? Doesn’t sound like any of the pupils are getting into trouble with the school for being ‘transphobic’.

It sounds like you’ve given the Head some literature and had a conversation. I’d just focus on supporting your own child for now. Hopefully the new child will get on with their education and make some friends. Hopefully they’ll get some support to feel happy in their skin without having to throw around words like ‘transphobic’.

I understand the issues here but just feel you won’t help the situation by bothering your Head with this now.

What is it that you'd like to happen if you talk to the head?

@Lovetomato

What I'm concerned about is that the school is probably, if they are wise and not naive that this will be the only case they ever see in the school, formulating a policy on how to deal with this - and future - cases. As a parent of a child who will be at this school for another five years, whatever policy that turns out to be will impact my own child. And I'm not only interested in my child, of course, but all the children in the school, including the year 5 girl and her classmates.

If the Head goes looking for advice, she might end up being 'captured' by organisations such as Stonewall - who as we know, have been found to be giving spurious legal advice to various institutions. If they realise that there are other organisations - such as Transgender Trend and SSA, who advocate a more holistic approach, this can only be a good thing. The latter organisations recommend supporting the child, and letting them be themselves, at the same time as not indulging fantasies and pushing ideologies.

That's why I think this is a really critical moment, and why I'm considering how most sensitively to approach this. I disagree profoundly with those who say this is none of my business. This is everybody-who-gives-a-toss-about-children's business.

@BilindaB

What is it that you'd like to happen if you talk to the head?

For her to realise that there are a range of organisations who can offer support in forming policies around transgender-identifying children.

@DifferentHair

I think you should mind your own business. It's not your child, it isn't impacting your child. You've made your views known. The head teacher is perfectly capable of accessing peer reviewed and reliable material. I am hoping your 'literature' went straight in the bin.

But this is an issue that is affecting all children of this generation and there is so much damage being done- it's a massive child protection issue and unless parents speak out, what hope is there?

It is wrong to lie children about basic biology. It is wrong to make children think they can be 'born in the wrong body'. It is wrong to force regressive gender stereotypes on them. That recent case of the 4 year old who's parents said is trans- because she wasn't interested in stereotypically 'girl' things, liked her twin brother's clothes and toys and wanted to be a firefighter/police officer. It is absolute madness- these are children, how can they possibly believe they are born in the wrong body- the idea is being fed from somewhere. I worry so much for this generation of kids.

''For her to realise that there are a range of organisations who can offer support in forming policies around transgender-identifying children.''

Anything more substantial? What policies would you like the school to have re trans kids?

@StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind clearly whether that is 'wrong' or 'right' is subjective, and the OP has already told the head that in her (lay) opinion it is wrong.

It is certainly not a consensus view, and it is not supported by the majority of scientific and medical research in relation to this.

If you want to cloak your prejudices under the guise of 'concern for children', fill your boots. But I think people will see through it and the school and the other parents will have the measure of you early. That's what will impact your daughter.

That's why I think this is a really critical moment, and why I'm considering how most sensitively to approach this. I disagree profoundly with those who say this is none of my business. This is everybody-who-gives-a-toss-about-children's business.

Yes, of course it's your business. Especially as your child is in the school.

What they do next will demonstrate to you how seriously they take, and understand, safeguarding. And whether or not they are fully aware of ROGD. Particularly amongst girls.

And yes, following the advice from transgender trend, and safe schools alliance would be a good course of action.

@BilindaB

''For her to realise that there are a range of organisations who can offer support in forming policies around transgender-identifying children.''

Anything more substantial? What policies would you like the school to have re trans kids?

Transgender Trend, for example, has a grown-up, supportive and holistic approach. Take a a brief look at their website and you will see what I am talking about.

@DifferentHair that's the quickest way to shout someone down who you disagree with isn't it, label them as prejudiced.

You can do better surely?

I think youre crossing a line when you start talking about an individual child rather than a concept. This kid has nothing to do with you. Its between the child, its parents and the school

[quote DifferentHair]@StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind clearly whether that is 'wrong' or 'right' is subjective, and the OP has already told the head that in her (lay) opinion it is wrong.

It is certainly not a consensus view, and it is not supported by the majority of scientific and medical research in relation to this.

If you want to cloak your prejudices under the guise of 'concern for children', fill your boots. But I think people will see through it and the school and the other parents will have the measure of you early. That's what will impact your daughter.

[/quote]
Guise of 'concern for children'?

If you believe this is a guise, then what do you think the OP's motivation is?

It is certainly not a consensus view, and it is not supported by the majority of scientific and medical research in relation to this.

Are you suggesting that the scientific consensus is that people can be born in the wrong body, and that we should force regressive stereotypes on them and lie to children about biology? Really?

@StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind actually I think throwing about notions of child protection is seems to be the favoured way to derail an argument and force an agenda on this thread.

Anyway, I'm out. This isn't sensible discourse, I only commented because I felt sorry for the Head Teacher who has to deal with this nonsense.

Thank you all for the advice! I emailed the Head, and she's just responded thanking me, saying she has already spent an hour or so reading the Transgender Trend material and is saving it for reference! (I also directed her to SSA). She is now asking, out of curiosity, where my interest in this subject has come from.

My goodness - it will be hard to keep my reply brief!

This is the best I could have hoped for at this point. Thank you everyone!

[quote DifferentHair]@StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind actually I think throwing about notions of child protection is seems to be the favoured way to derail an argument and force an agenda on this thread.

Anyway, I'm out. This isn't sensible discourse, I only commented because I felt sorry for the Head Teacher who has to deal with this nonsense.

[/quote]
How can child protection and safeguarding derail the argument, when it is the argument? 🙄

@therestissilence

Thank you all for the advice! I emailed the Head, and she's just responded thanking me, saying she has already spent an hour or so reading the Transgender Trend material and is saving it for reference! (I also directed her to SSA). She is now asking, out of curiosity, where my interest in this subject has come from.

My goodness - it will be hard to keep my reply brief!

This is the best I could have hoped for at this point. Thank you everyone!

Well done.

Does she realise that ROGD is a real worry for parents? And children's boundaries being respected? The idea that it doesn't involve all the other parents/children in the school is simply not true.

@Fernlake

Thank you.

Well, she's given me an opening to talk about the wider issues I think, and I will certainly be mentioning the ROGD (social) phenomena, and children's safeguarding and boundaries, amongst other things. Going to spend some time on my response. I think it will be worthwhile briefly mentioning Keira Bell and Maya Forstater (oh God, I could go on) so that she can see how deeply this ideology has rooted in, without most people noticing at all.

It's so obvious, isn't it, that all one has to do is open one's eyes for one moment and see what is happening (which she saw in the material I gave her), to cut through the crap and see the bloody light of day. I'm so pleased she wants to hear more.

[quote DifferentHair]@StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind actually I think throwing about notions of child protection is seems to be the favoured way to derail an argument and force an agenda on this thread.

Anyway, I'm out. This isn't sensible discourse, I only commented because I felt sorry for the Head Teacher who has to deal with this nonsense.

[/quote]
Usually when people want to shove  in a post they are very interested in sensible discourse.

@therestissilence I think you've had a good response from the head- well done for starting the conversation! If you can please do update, would be great to see how you get on

ROGD is not recognized by any major professional association.

Well done OP. Respectful discussions about these issues (as modelled earlier on the thread) is the way to go.
It's great that you kept the discussions away from the specific child. In my experience of schools dealing with this issue Heads often get understandably over-invested parents of a specific child pushing them in the direction of Stonewall / Mermaids / Gires etc resulting in the implications for all children being abandoned as well as a vulnerable child being locked into an immediately affirming situation in primary school.

There's an interesting court judgement that demonstrates what can happen to very young children being unthinkingly affirmed by professionals. Off to search for it.

This is not your child and does not even concern your child. I'm going to say the same thing to you that I say to the young children I teach. I would suggest you worry about yourself and your family instead of someone else

This impacts on every child in the school, and especially in such a small school; certainly when the whole school community has to be instructed on how to behave around, and how to think/talk about, the child in question. The OP has every reason for concern.

FFS! I think a headteacher is more than capable of doing their own research on the matter

You have no idea about the school in question, or the headteacher and her relationship with parents. It is clearly a close knit school.

I wouldn't worry too much. Catholic school. They are going to be anti Queer by default, so will reinforce stereotypes until the poor kid leaves and goes to somewhere welcoming I would expect

That's is rather a sweeping and dismissive portrayal. Though not Catholic myself I have taught at numerous catholic schools, and they are simply not as you portray them. There is often a strong community- family type ethos and a celebratory atmosphere.

@BilindaB

ROGD is not recognized by any major professional association.

An increase in 4000% of kids at the Tavistock, 76 children coming out as trans in one school, 10 girls coming out in the same class at a famous London girls school.

It's called rapid onset gender dysphoria. Ray Blanchard, who published the typology of HSTS and AGP individuals, talks about it at length.

4thwavenow.com/tag/ray-blanchard/

Plus, of course, there are very many parents on this site alone who are concerned about the current social contagion.

It's incredibly important to ascertain how your child's school deals with it.

(Hopefully, by taking the opposite tack to your post, which would apparently seek to minimise it.)