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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

How to (re)approach Headteacher (re: trans ideology)?

140 replies

therestissilence · 24/05/2021 19:02

Advice needed so that I can act effectively and carefully. Context: small independent primary school, Catholic but not exclusive.

Two years ago, I arranged a meeting with the Head, armed with some TransgenderTrend literature; I wanted to see what her attitudes were towards the trans trend. At the time there were no kids in the school who thought they were trans. As I was telling her what has been going on in many other schools - and in wider society - she looked a little bit like she thought I was crazy, and responded with the (perhaps) naive 'well we won't be having any of that nonsense in this school'. I left her with the literature, nevertheless.

Lo and behold, a year 5 girl has emerged from lockdown (too much time on the internet?) saying she's a boy. She has a new name, has ditched the school uniform (which is very 'gendered' in our school for both the boys and girls) and wears PE kit everyday. Other parents have said their daughters have been distressed because when they 'accidentally' refer to her as 'her', or 'she' , the girl turns on them and calls them transphobic. It must be so confusing for them. I am extremely heartened, however, to hear that the teachers are still referring to the girl correctly - and seem not to be over-indulging her.

However, if the Head starts seeking advice, she could end up getting advice from the wrong people (such as Stonewall, GOD FORBID).

Now that she knows I'm NOT crazy, how might I re-approach her, in order to nudge her in the right and sane direction? I'm asking because I've already raised this once, and don't want to come across as bullish by requesting a second meeting.

Thankfully, my own daughter is in Y1, so will have minimal exposure to the mind-fuckery going on in Y5. However, I think it is a critical time for the school; they are facing their first 'case' and no doubt policies are being formulated as I type.

Advice?

OP posts:
MrsOvertonsWindow · 25/05/2021 11:49

Here you are OP. It's a long read but it shows what happens when an unwell parent decides that her son is "trans" and despite all the evidence that the boy was not, is enabled by numerous professionals who immediately affirmed him as a girl.
It was the school ( and some others) who kept raising concerns about this and in the end the mother lost custody as the judge deemed her forcing this little boy to present as a girl was emotionally abusive. He was very critical of all the professionals who unthinkingly enabled the mother's abuse to continue:

www.bailii.org/ew/cases/EWHC/Fam/2016/2430.html

Justhadathought · 25/05/2021 11:50

Anything more substantial? What policies would you like the school to have re trans kids

The Transgender Trend school pack is most helpful in this regard.

Justhadathought · 25/05/2021 11:55

I Think you're crossing a line when you start talking about an individual child rather than a concept. This kid has nothing to do with you. Its between the child, its parents and the school

The line has been crossed when letters are sent home to parents telling them about the potential impacts that just one child, in their small school, will have on their whole community.

And the line has most definitely been crossed when other children are having nonsense ideas and unnatural speech impressed upon them on the basis of the indulgence of one child and her family.

what the parents and the child do or say at home is their business. Once it gets imposed upon the whole school, it becomes everyone's business.

Justhadathought · 25/05/2021 11:58

Anyway, I'm out. This isn't sensible discourse, I only commented because I felt sorry for the Head Teacher who has to deal with this nonsense

You don't know the head, nor her relationship with parents. It seems that before this incident the head was pretty much oblivious. Being a small, independent school - she had not before been exposed to this sort of circumstance.

andyoldlabour · 25/05/2021 12:00

I would be very concerned about how a 5 year old child knows the word transphobic (particularly as they would have been isolated in lockdown for a long time), where has that come from?

Justhadathought · 25/05/2021 12:02

I would be very concerned about how a 5 year old child knows the word transphobic (particularly as they would have been isolated in lockdown for a long time), where has that come from

It is a year 5 child......about 9/10 years old.

StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind · 25/05/2021 12:05

@Justhadathought well said- I agree with all of your posts.

You mentioned social contagion and I agree so much with this.

oldwomanwhoruns · 25/05/2021 12:05

Good luck OP Flowers you sound absolutely on the right track.

Could you 'lend' the Head your copy of Irreversible Damage? (Buy a copy if you don't own one, could be £10 well worth spending!).

andyoldlabour · 25/05/2021 12:06

Justhadathought

Thanks for the correction, I am too old for this year 5 stuff Grin

Overdueanamechange · 25/05/2021 12:10

This is much more complicated than it needs to be. All that happened in my child's CATHOLIC school was that the teacher had a quick word with the kids. She told them "Fred" would now like to be called "Anna", and please refer to Anna as she, her. Anna would not be changing in the girls changing rooms, but would instead use the single cubicle toilets. Everyone is fine, no one is confused, and Anna's mental health and behaviour is significantly better. The sports are mixed at their school anyway BTW (unless you are in a special team) so no appropriation. Some kids and teachers in this Catholic school are openly gay and teach tolerance and understanding.

Justhadathought · 25/05/2021 12:17

This is much more complicated than it needs to be. All that happened in my child's CATHOLIC school was that the teacher had a quick word with the kids. She told them "Fred" would now like to be called "Anna", and please refer to Anna as she, her. Anna would not be changing in the girls changing rooms, but would instead use the single cubicle toilets. Everyone is fine, no one is confused, and Anna's mental health and behaviour is significantly better. The sports are mixed at their school anyway BTW (unless you are in a special team) so no appropriation. Some kids and teachers in this Catholic school are openly gay and teach tolerance and understanding

Except what you are suggesting as 'non complicated' involves the whole school having to go along with a pretence, and for young, developing minds to be exposed to such a ridiculous head fuck is confusing, and needless.

The child and the family can keep everything non-complicated by not imposing this private matter on everyone else. It is the height of narcissistic indulgence.

Helmetbymidnight · 25/05/2021 12:24

She told them "Fred" would now like to be called "Anna", and please refer to Anna as she, her.

At your school, they teach the children that what is in someone's head over-rides everyone else's material reality?

At your school, do they insist on compelling children to lie in general - or is it only concerning sex?

Overdueanamechange · 25/05/2021 12:30

Gosh you sound very judgemental @Justhadathought. These are teens at senior school. No one is being narcissistic, no one is getting a "head fuck" as you delightfully call it, everyone is just respecting the fact that a boy has taken on a girls name and female pronouns. It really is just that. This child's behaviour and mental health was dire before the announcement. As I already said, there is no appropriation and girls still have their female only toilets and changing rooms.

Fernlake · 25/05/2021 12:30

@Overdueanamechange

This is much more complicated than it needs to be. All that happened in my child's CATHOLIC school was that the teacher had a quick word with the kids. She told them "Fred" would now like to be called "Anna", and please refer to Anna as she, her. Anna would not be changing in the girls changing rooms, but would instead use the single cubicle toilets. Everyone is fine, no one is confused, and Anna's mental health and behaviour is significantly better. The sports are mixed at their school anyway BTW (unless you are in a special team) so no appropriation. Some kids and teachers in this Catholic school are openly gay and teach tolerance and understanding.
Apart from anything else, children will have questions, you know. Dozens of them.

And judging by the years of experience on this board, there will be no satisfactory answers.

Overdueanamechange · 25/05/2021 12:32

Wow @Helmetbymidnight - talk about emotive twisting!!

Helmetbymidnight · 25/05/2021 12:36

Who? You?

Anna's mental health and behaviour is significantly better.

So Fred/Anna's mental health and behaviour depends on people around them validating them?
That is such a staggeringly foolish (and emotive) path to lead children down - I can't believe adults can't see that.

HappydaysArehere · 25/05/2021 12:36

Just leave it alone and focus on your own child. You sound as if you have an agenda and wish to push it. Feel sorry for the head.

Overdueanamechange · 25/05/2021 12:38

@Fernlake So what if they have questions? What about "respect each other" as an answer?
This isn't about erasing women, single sex spaces, single sex prisons, trans women in women's sports - all of these I am 100% against.

Overdueanamechange · 25/05/2021 12:46

We aren't going to agree @Helmetbymidnight. I'm just saying what l we have seen. Whether it is right or wrong in the long run, who knows, but if desks no longer fly across the room and children aren't witnessing weekly terrifying emotional breakdowns because they are now calling a boy by a girls name, is it really so bad?

StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind · 25/05/2021 12:47

@HappydaysArehere

Just leave it alone and focus on your own child. You sound as if you have an agenda and wish to push it. Feel sorry for the head.
Oh the irony of suggesting the OP sounds like she has an agenda to push...
Original poster
therestissilence · 25/05/2021 12:50

@MrsOvertonsWindow Thank you, I am reading this now!

@oldwomanwhoruns I do have a copy, and I will gladly send it her way if she continues to engage! (Do you think it's too soon to pass her some Sheila Jefferies?! Grin)

OP posts:
Original poster
therestissilence · 25/05/2021 12:51

@StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind Haha, I know, right! You just couldn't make this shit up.

OP posts:
Ereshkigalangcleg · 25/05/2021 12:55

Gosh you sound very judgemental @Justhadathought.

Pot and kettle!

Helmetbymidnight · 25/05/2021 12:55

Whether it is right or wrong in the long run, who knows, but if desks no longer fly across the room and children aren't witnessing weekly terrifying emotional breakdowns because they are now calling a boy by a girls name, is it really so bad?

Blimey that whole situation sounds horrendous - and yes, I think that's really bad. I don't want my kids taught that their role is to mollify violent kids - and I especially don't want my DD told - by adults - that she has to upend her understanding of grammar and biology and give up her boundaries otherwise the aggressive boy will kick-off.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 25/05/2021 12:56

but if desks no longer fly across the room and children aren't witnessing weekly terrifying emotional breakdowns because they are now calling a boy by a girls name, is it really so bad?

I don't think the rest of the school being held to ransom by one troubled pupil is a healthy model for anyone concerned.