Trans Widows Escape Committee 5: And so it continues...

[TinselAngel]

Welcome to thread 5. A virtual prize for anyone who can guess the geeky sci fi reference in the thread title.

This is a support area for women who are, or have been, in unhappy relationships with male partners who are transitioning, or exploring their "gender identity"

If you are in that position-

1. You are not alone
2. It is not a situation that you should be expected to tolerate, let alone celebrate.
3. There is always a way out, if you want it. The thread is called Escape Committee for that reason

Remember: women talking to each other is a powerful weapon!

In four years we have gone from starting the first thread, to launching a website, to be invited to give evidence to a government inquiry, which is pretty spectacular when you think about it.

Thanks to all the women who have told their stories and particularly to those who have stuck around to help others. Thanks also to @socialworker222 who remains nice cop, to my stern cop.

Do say hello to start the thread off!

Not just me then...

Classic Urban Woman?

"I hope my testimony can help overcome some of these difficult trials."

This testimony feels very much like it's placing blame on us for not being 100% supportive and understanding of the partner who has chosen to transition. I'm glad things have worked out for you MumKateB, but I'm not sure that this is the right forum for you.

Isn't it odd how easy it is to recognise a male voice?

apart from a violent assault she suffered in the streets two years ago, she lives a life typical of women of her age

Oh, the irony.

TL:DR "Comply bitches, (including considering your ex the second mother) or it'll be you who is responsible for the damage to tour children."

Agree. I think you need a different forum MotherKate. This is a place for women who are unhappy with transitioning partners. Women on this thread are already the target of criticism and blame, and lack support. It's unhelpful and appears a little vindicitive to come on and blame women for the estrangement of their children from transitioning partners, although to be fair that's what men who leave their families usually do when they mismanage or neglect their relationship with their children regardless of the reason. We're all a bit sceptical I'm afraid. Finally, being assaulted in the street is far from an untypical female experience, so I'm not sure why you mention that. Well okay, I guess I know why...

As they say on AIBU "Is this a reverse?"

Glad to hear Mothers Day went okay Seaside. Both Mothers Day and Fathers Day can be difficult after partners do this; Mothers Day here feels good as I haven't had to deal with demands to share 'mother' as some of you have, but Fathers Day is a different matter. It's all over social media in the UK in June, and the shops are starting to display cards. I can't imagine what it's like for children; straightforward bereavement loss of a father is hard enough, but the 'they've gone but they're here' ambivalence aspect must be terrible to tolerate.

I just fail to see how pretending to a child that their father is their mother is in any way good for the child.

MumKateB I'm surprised you didn't slip a "stunning and brave" in there while you were at it. Biological men can never be real mothers or "urban women". Children overwhelmingly choose for themselves whether or not they want to see late transitioning trans identified males who want to be called Mummy and that is not a relationship that is manipulated by their real mother as you seem to be suggesting.

Classic Urban Woman?

CUM for short.

How ironic.

Opps no it's not. Ignore me.

I read it as Mum.

“ProudExclu
When police officers call him she and use his female name it does something to my brain. It makes remembering things very difficult”

I don’t think you are alone - anyone would find this impossible.

Somewhere someone wrote an article about why this sort of misuse of language is like rohypnol with one of the effects being the mental confusion and fog it causes.

@KickingBishopBrennanUpTheArrse

MumKateB I'm surprised you didn't slip a "stunning and brave" in there while you were at it. Biological men can never be real mothers or "urban women". Children overwhelmingly choose for themselves whether or not they want to see late transitioning trans identified males who want to be called Mummy and that is not a relationship that is manipulated by their real mother as you seem to be suggesting.

1st rule of misogyny- Women are responsible for what men do. It's useful to know exactly how our ex's would have us behave though as it can help us to be on our guard.

As we like to say down here- bless your heart.

"He had been suffering in silence through my mistakes"

"she forgave me "

That's good dear. All's well that ends well eh?

It must be a psstake. However, you'd still have to be somewhat of a gobshte to post that on this thread.

@MumKateB, I'll take your story at face value, and am glad things worked out for you. But my experience with my ex who couldn't be bothered to see his children for six months and otherwise was completely obsessed with his new life, that was very different.

That having been said, it does read like a wish fulfillment fantasy of my ex's, that I would "ask for forgiveness" and continue to host family dinners and such.

@QuinnMovesOn

That having been said, it does read like a wish fulfillment fantasy of my ex's, that I would "ask for forgiveness" and continue to host family dinners and such.

Is your ex also a "classic urban woman"?

“Testimony”

That 1st rule of misogyny is so true @TinselAngel

Yes, Father’s Day does seem to be more difficult. DC can still use a name is is sort of dad like but there has been more of a push from him to make it sound less so. We know how hard it is to lose a spouse but them still be there and my heart just hurts for the kids.

@SeasideM

“Testimony”

That 1st rule of misogyny is so true @TinselAngel

Yes, Father’s Day does seem to be more difficult. DC can still use a name is is sort of dad like but there has been more of a push from him to make it sound less so. We know how hard it is to lose a spouse but them still be there and my heart just hurts for the kids.

Here's the rest of them if you haven't seen them:

https://4w.pub/the-rules-of-misogyny/

They were compiled by Bewilderness, late of this parish.