Hi Sappho,
I suppose I should say what happened to me. As many know, my wife died suddenly last May, and three days before we had officially separated. A major, and perhaps the only significant reason, was our differences concerning this debate. Frankly, I found my wife's thinking muddled because privately she was very clear she wouldn't date a TW but used "she." She said it was the compassionate thing to do. But, worse for her was the consequences. I lost my academic status and then ended up getting sued by a litigious lunatic. The stress eventually broke us.
HOWEVER, we talked at some length and I agreed to massively step back. I was, in my mind, done. It was that which led her to arranging to come back and talk and postponing a proper move away on the day she died (she told her sister, hours before she died, she was thinking about sorting it all out). Would I have resented that? I don't know. I was certainly done with all the fighting, so in my experience, it was less the difference in our views but about the risks that came from expressing them. At one point she was worried she'd lose professional opportunities because of being married to a reasonably well-known 'Terf' (e.g. ALL her tech colleagues use pronouns).
I do think the difference stemmed from our personality traits. For me, I took the rational, factual view and see it as a philosophical debate whereas she was much more emotionally swayed. I did, at times, feel belittled, judged, and that she was ignorant of the impact upon my experiences (her upbringing is one everyone should have but it meant she didn't, in my view, always grasp why women need single sex spaces). And yes, I did question her intelligence. All of this sounds brutal but I felt it, at the time. Only now do I have more appreciation for how conflicted she must have felt given her professional position.
I don't think it's necessarily a deal breaker providing there's understanding about where you're coming from. If she becomes an activist, or you do, that obviously risks problems. Had I shut up and just quietly voiced views to her I doubt there would have been a significant issue.
I attach the following to show the sorts of things her TRA "friends" have said - these are messages from one to Stephanie Hayden, who was suing me. Obviously, the friend thought she could make trouble for my case which is the very thing that stressed my wife out so much. Just shows the pressures though.
I really do wish you the best with it,
Louise