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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Could you stay married to a TRA?

395 replies

SapphosRock · 22/04/2021 15:44

She believes TWAW, their feelings are more important than women’s rights and some lesbians have penises. Get over it. She was on here once upon a time but got permanently banned.
Everything else about the relationship is wonderful. Can we get past this? It seems like a stupid reason to get divorced. Our values used to be fairly similar but she’s got heavily involved in trans activism and I have gone the other way. Sorry for the pity party, just feel quite down about it today. Has anyone else been through similar?

OP posts:
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6
Shizuku · 25/04/2021 22:05

@HecatesCatsInFancyHats

Well, not an expert but intersex is a thing.

It's not a third sex. Intersex people have DSDs which mean they have sex chromosomes associated with being female (XX) or associated with being male (XY), but reproductive organs and genitals that may look different from usual. These conditions do not change the fact that sex is binary.

If it's about chromosomes, what sex are people with both XX and XY?
HecatesCatsInFancyHats · 25/04/2021 22:17

If it's about chromosomes, what sex are people with both XX and XY?

As I understand it people born with additional chromosomes have complex dsds, but don't have a mismatch between chromosomes and genitalia, as in they are likely to be XXX or XXY and present as either male or female in line with the double X or XY. You might know more? What any of this has to do with transgender people though I don't know. It's not a third sex and unless I'm very much mistaken most transgender people aren't intersex anyway.

Shizuku · 25/04/2021 22:23

@HecatesCatsInFancyHats

If it's about chromosomes, what sex are people with both XX and XY?

As I understand it people born with additional chromosomes have complex dsds, but don't have a mismatch between chromosomes and genitalia, as in they are likely to be XXX or XXY and present as either male or female in line with the double X or XY. You might know more? What any of this has to do with transgender people though I don't know. It's not a third sex and unless I'm very much mistaken most transgender people aren't intersex anyway.

CAIS women are XY and are born with a vagina, vulva and sometimes a womb.
Shedbuilder · 25/04/2021 22:24

And most intersex people really don't want to be forced under Stonewall's umbrella and don't see that they have anything in common with L, G, B or T, Q or whatever people. Just as most LGB people have been protesting that T and Q don't fit with them.

HecatesCatsInFancyHats · 25/04/2021 22:27

CAIS women are XY and are born with a vagina, vulva and sometimes a womb.

What has this got to do with trans people? Conflating intersex conditions and transgenderism isn't useful at all when the vast majority of trans people aren't intersex.

JoodyBlue · 25/04/2021 22:36

@stackthecats really articulate post that resonates strongly with me too - thank you. There is something there for me about the solidarity of femaleness. For the times that it is crap and the times that it is great females have femaleness in common. Perhaps this is what drives the will to divide us, even if it is unconscious. We have a powerful sense of mutual recognition, at the best times.

NiceGerbil · 25/04/2021 23:08

Derail on support thread alert!

NiceGerbil · 25/04/2021 23:08

Shizuku why not start another thread and DSDs if you want to discuss that.

Cagedbirdsinging · 26/04/2021 01:42

@stackthecats ...excellent posts Wine

StillFemale · 26/04/2021 08:03

Great posts stackthecats Star

StillFemale · 26/04/2021 08:05

SapphosRock I hope things are well at home and that her friend is doing ok

krikey · 26/04/2021 11:31

IMO fwiw,
You married believing them to be a man.
If they are saying they are a woman and you didn't consent to a trans woman/ lesbian/ bi relationship with them then you have grounds for divorce and they need to stop this 'anti trans' guilt they are placing on you.

Shedbuilder · 26/04/2021 11:37

Krikey, you might like to consider the possibility that both participants in this relationship are female.

krikey · 26/04/2021 12:05

@Shedbuilder

Krikey, you might like to consider the possibility that both participants in this relationship are female.
Sorry, as she was referring to the other party as 'she' I thought this meant they are a trans woman not a trans man. I'm now quite confused.
Shedbuilder · 26/04/2021 12:17

It's been legal for lesbians to marry for a a few years now. The OP's name gives you a hint.

krikey · 26/04/2021 13:04

@Shedbuilder

It's been legal for lesbians to marry for a a few years now. The OP's name gives you a hint.
I didn't question the legality of gay marriage I simply said that due to the OP saying her partner is trans and stating 'some lesbians have penises' that the marriage started as a m-f marriage and is now a F-F marriage. No offence intended just don't know the backstory and the OP first few posts lead the way of a trans woman as she is referring to her partner as 'she'. This would imply that he partner is now female and not previous female and transitioned/img, which would make their pronouns he/him/his as far as I was aware. Thanks for the education though I always welcome being more aware of lgbtq+
krikey · 26/04/2021 13:06

I am also unaware of how sapphosrock would indicate to me that the OP is a lesbian?

Ninkanink · 26/04/2021 13:08

OP has not stated that her wife is trans.

This illustrates really well how utterly stupid all the word soup is. It’s practically impossible to know what anyone is actually talking about (which of course is exactly what a certain faction wants), when really it is the simplest thing known to humankind, and isn’t complicated at all. Female and Male. Woman and man.

PopperUppleton · 26/04/2021 13:08

I haven't read that Sappho's wife is trans, where did that come from?

Ninkanink · 26/04/2021 13:09

You haven’t read it because it isn’t the case.

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 26/04/2021 13:11

@krikey

I am also unaware of how sapphosrock would indicate to me that the OP is a lesbian?
The name reflects the poet, Sappho.

Sappho was a prolific poet, probably composing around 10,000 lines. Her poetry was well-known and greatly admired through…Sappho's poetry is still considered extraordinary and her works continue to influence other writers. Beyond her poetry, she is well known as a symbol of love and desire between women,[5] with the English words sapphic and lesbian being derived from her own name and the name of her home island respectively. [The home island was Lesbos.]

Shedbuilder · 26/04/2021 13:14

@krikey

I am also unaware of how sapphosrock would indicate to me that the OP is a lesbian?
That's why I suggested you Google it, Krikey. If you'd bothered you'd know that Sappho is a lesbian poet who lived on the island of Lesbos (or sometimes Lesvos) from whence we get the word lesbian, and that at Skala Erresos, a coastal village which is a favourite holiday spot for lesbians, there's a cliff formation known as Sappho's Rock.

Also joining the chorus pointing out that Sappho'srock hasn't said anywhere that her wife is trans.

DialSquare · 26/04/2021 13:16

I think it's TRA that may have caused the confusion. @krikey TRA stands for Trans Right Activist which includes both sexes and all orientations and genders.

krikey · 26/04/2021 14:05

I thought could you stay married to a TRA means trans (man or woman)
Sorry this is completely my mistake for miss reading the abbreviations.

krikey · 26/04/2021 14:05

Cross posted with @DialSquare