Help, DS feels like a girl, confused

[GenderWhere]

Name changed. When asked by his sister (14) during a conversation about gender, DS (12) said he didn't feel like a boy, but did feel like a girl. I am trying to understand what this means. What is feeling like a girl? I don't think I feel like a girl myself. DD says I'm non-binary then. I feel a bit old to be non-binary. I thought I was just a normal feminist.

Additionally, DD is furious with me that I said (before DS said he felt like a girl) that if a child of mine "came out as trans" I would try to encourage them to love themselves as they were as that might be the best way to be happy. This is super-transphobic apparently. I'm so sad and confused. I don't hate anyone. Am I thinking about this all wrong?

OP, I also recommend the podcast "Gender - A Wider Lens". It is by two therapists who both treat the age group in question and they are both intelligent and full of empathy.

www.transgendertrend.com/
I would read through Transgender Trend which seems one of the last bastions of safeguarding in an increasingly nonsensical landscape for young people.

That's great GenderWhere I think you're handling it well. I think openness and communication are the most important thing and of course sometimes it really isn't as deep as you think it is as NearyGranny said he might just not be into stereotypical boy things.

Is your DS small for his age, or slim built? Does he prefer reading/music/art to sports/gaming? It's not just girls who are affected by stereorypes, and boys who dont fit the stereotypical masculine mold can sadly be made to feel that they're somehow less of a boy, or that they are gay. If there's an obvious "non-masculine" hobby or trait, it can help to point out all the males who do it because at school the narrative is often that only the gay boys do drama or that if a boy is quiet he is more like a girl. It also sounds like your DD might be encouraging him, given that she has been so quick to provide you with your non-binary diagnosis.

@Zeev

OP, I also recommend the podcast "Gender - A Wider Lens". It is by two therapists who both treat the age group in question and they are both intelligent and full of empathy.

Quoting myself to mention that their latest episode that dropped today is specifically about boys and gender dysphoria.

Following the recommendation upthread, I've just listened to the latest "Savage Minds podcast - Julian Vigo has an excellent conversation with Michael Conroy, about his work with boys & young men. Conroy is really thoughtful about masculinity, and his & Vigo's conversation is fascinating - really thoughtful. Very good on gender roles (masculinity femininity) in ways which are so compassionate for individual young men - no man-blaming whatsoever, but still great critical thinking about problematic aspects of masculinity.

It might help @GenderWhere with some ideas to broach with her son.

Well, he’s not. He’s not a girl. And since he’s not a girl, he can’t have any idea of whether he ‘feels’ like a girl. He can only be projecting the experiences/cultural norms of what he perceives in the word ‘girl’ on to himself.

And that’s fine. He can act however he likes. There’s no embarrassment about that. I’d explain to him that I’m comfortable with him expressing himself any way he likes, but he’s a boy.

Transgendertrend are run by scuptor who isn't trans, doesn't have any trans kids, has no experience dealing with trans kids, and has no qualifications for doing so.

But they don’t think anyone has trans kids. These issues are philosophical, not practical. You don’t need to have kids to discuss them.

This is helpful.

jmichaelson91.medium.com/parents-deserve-answers-before-medicalizing-gender-identity-dedfa9f2b4c2