Consent for women

[ArabellaScott]

A reminder:

You don't owe anyone your attention.

You have no obligation to 'include' anyone in your 'dating pool'.

Your sexual preferences are yours and yours alone.

Nobody has the right to shame you for your sexual preferences.

Nobody has the right to question your sexual preferences.

When it comes to sex and sexual preferences, nobody has the right to demand your attention, your consideration or your attraction.

Not ever.

Hear hear!!

Thank you for sharing this!

Agree 👏

Nobody has the right to question your sexual preferences.

I don’t fully agree with this - people are free to query where your preferences may stem from or be curious about them. It’s not wrong to ask. Agree with everything else though. Ultimately even if your preference does include an element of prejudice it’s still your absolute right to have 100% autonomy over your body.

Put more accurately it's that using coercion to make someone have sex that goes against their sexual orientation is corrective rape.

Quite.
It's baffling that this is in any way a controversial statement.

Yes, thank you nauticant. Typing in anger; I'm sure we could collectively come up with a better worded statement.

I do think it's not just about having sex, though, it's also about naming, claiming and inhabiting our sexuality. Without fear or shame.

Its pretty bad that the concept of consent still needs to be spelt out like this.

people are free to query where your preferences may stem from or be curious about them. It’s not wrong to ask.

You are not obliged to explain your sexual preferences to anyone.

Thank you Arabella and well said!

@Bordois

Its pretty bad that the concept of consent still needs to be spelt out like this.

Yes! My university does "consent training" but doesn't recognise this aspect of it!

I don't agree that I have to explain myself either. You can ask, but I'm not obligated to tell you why I won't date you.
My personal preferences are extremely narrow. I'm not apologising for that either.

goarbdj, when has anyone ever questioned men’s preferences to anything?! It is lesbians who are castigated for refusing to include “lady dick” in their sexual preferences, who are criticised for being same sex attracted instead of same “gender”.
I don’t recall seeing gay men threatened online for refusing to date transmen with a vagina?

@goarbdj

Well no one has the right to question men's sexual preferences too right?

Of course, but men don't have to be the focus of a thread on the feminism board.

Caveat to not questioning sexual preferences - this applies to any involving between fully, freely consenting adults. If someone's 'preference' includes coercion, violence, children or anyone else who can't consent then that's a whole other matter.

Hear hear

More simply - your sexual preferences give you an absolute right to say no. They give you no right to exercise those preferences with anyone who isn't a fully consenting adult

Agree wholeheartedly. I'm so fucking annoyed that this has to be said let alone repeated so often.

Yes Errol completely. Sad that this too has to be spelled out! Consent applies to everyone!

Thinking on it further, even ones sexuality isn't so relevant when it comes to consent and preferences. Being bi hetero or lesbian doesn't oblige one to anything.

Basically there is no positive obligation of any kind when it comes to consent. None. Ever.

I guess what we're seeing is the extension of a certain philosophy to consent.

Refusal to agree is assumed to be for "bad faith" reasons. There must be some underlying bad motive, and if we can divine the bad motive then maybe we can invalidate the refusal.

This is an appalling way to approach an argument, but it's unconscionable way to approach consent. Consent is not a debate. No justification of anyone's refusal is required. It's a private matter.

@ArabellaScott

people are free to query where your preferences may stem from or be curious about them. It’s not wrong to ask.

You are not obliged to explain your sexual preferences to anyone.

No you’re not, but it’s good to interrogate yourself about where they come from. I’m thinking particularly about some people’s aversion to dating someone bisexual, which does in part stem from prejudices and assumptions about bisexual people. No one’s saying you have to change your mind but a bit of self awareness and critical thinking is healthy. Even if no one asks, it’s healthy to ask these questions of yourself. But I agree that ultimately you can do all the analysis you like and even if you change your theoretical understanding you don’t have to change your preferences.

Ultimately even if your preference does include an element of prejudice it’s still your absolute right to have 100% autonomy over your body.

I don't agree that not being sexually attracted to groups of people is "prejudice" or anything other people have the right to "question". If I don't fancy redheads, do I have anti-ginger prejudice?

I also don't agree that being gay, straight or lesbian is a "preference" for one type of body. It's a sexual orientation. And I don't think bisexual people have to consider absolutely everyone as potential partners, either.

👏👏👏