Consent for women

[ArabellaScott]

A reminder:

You don't owe anyone your attention.

You have no obligation to 'include' anyone in your 'dating pool'.

Your sexual preferences are yours and yours alone.

Nobody has the right to shame you for your sexual preferences.

Nobody has the right to question your sexual preferences.

When it comes to sex and sexual preferences, nobody has the right to demand your attention, your consideration or your attraction.

Not ever.

@ArabellaScott

Thinking on it further, even ones sexuality isn't so relevant when it comes to consent and preferences. Being bi hetero or lesbian doesn't oblige one to anything.

Basically there is no positive obligation of any kind when it comes to consent. None. Ever.

My thinking exactly. Who I'm attracted to is no-ones business to question. Ever. Regardless of how that preference may have developed.

I would probably do an advanced search all boards all days on JohannaC for clarification.

I did, Asking, only three threads posts there and all deleted with a link to guidelines. Bit odd?

And none of them was one we had seen deleted in the thread in question. Very odd indeed.

She must have been M16.

@TedMullins

Right so you don’t think anything is worth thinking about beyond ‘I think and feel this therefore it is set in stone’? You don’t think preferences and choices are influenced by society around us? You don’t have any interest in developing a deeper understanding of yourself and your position in the world? Shame, because it’s actually fascinating how political the personal is and how these things intertwine. One of my dating preferences excludes narrow minded people with no curiosity so our paths would be unlikely to cross anyway.

Nice... My sexual preferences have bugger all to do with societal influences and everything to do with physical attraction. Call it chemistry if you will. You actually come across as very narrow minded and judgemental here.

I agree with you op, no means no, fuck off means fuck off, and stop following me means stop following me.

it’s really scary when men like this follow and harass women who are just minding their own business and who have made it clear they don’t want to talk to them, badgering them for personal information, then uploading the video they took of them in order to try to publicly shame them for their entirely justified anger and fear. Really rapey and awful.

@ArabellaScott

A reminder:

You don't owe anyone your attention.

You have no obligation to 'include' anyone in your 'dating pool'.

Your sexual preferences are yours and yours alone.

Nobody has the right to shame you for your sexual preferences.

Nobody has the right to question your sexual preferences.

When it comes to sex and sexual preferences, nobody has the right to demand your attention, your consideration or your attraction.

Not ever.

Indeed, so never question the validity of a lesbian for being in a relationship with a trans woman, or shame her for it, or tell her that she must only include women who aren't trans in her dating pool if she wants to be recognised as a lesbian.

Good point Shizuku

Also, mn fave gl*nner screenshotting dating profiles of trans women from an app they had every right to be on, but which he had lied in order to sign up to, in order to mock them on his blog spoke of someone whose grasp on consent is questionable.

I have never said anything of the sort, Shizuku. Take your strawman away, please.

God, can you not leave a consent thread up without derailing into trans issues? Really?

Interesting to see how much this thread has been targeted, its clearly touched a nerve or three.

I can't understand why, Inebriati. I thought most of what I was saying was pretty straightforward.

Women are allowed to say no.

Women are in charge of their own bodies and boundaries.

That's hilarious. This conversation has jack shit to do with women criticising other women for who they choose to fuck. It is about women who choose not to and are shamed or pressured into it.

Well, "sorry, I'm just not that into you" has become astoundingly controversial in recent years. Especially when a woman says it.

At the moment I am frequently finding myself astounded about what has suddenly become controversial. Also, what has suddenly become acceptable. It sometimes feels as if we have gone through the looking glass.

Yeah I'm really surprised that so many people have targeted a thread about consent and "no means no." What on earth is so objectionable about those ideas?!

Criticizing someone for who they choose to have sex with is, err, an entirely separate thing?

Indeed, so never question the validity of a lesbian for being in a relationship with a trans woman, or shame her for it, or tell her that she must only include women who aren't trans in her dating pool if she wants to be recognised as a lesbian.

From what I've seen, aren't lesbians usually harangued for excluding certain categories of people from their dating pool, not for including them?

This has been an education. Thanks for starting, Arabella.

I didn’t expect it to turn into a live demonstration of people seeing “no” as the opening of a negotiation. But it did!

Seems there is something about a woman saying 'no' firmly that some people just can't accept.

Bloody hell Arabella you started this thread 5 days ago. Are people really still arguing the toss about women saying no?

ArabellaScott
God, can you not leave a consent thread up without derailing into trans issues? Really?

We have seen the answer to that question, I feel.

I didn’t expect it to turn into a live demonstration of people seeing “no” as the opening of a negotiation. But it did!

I know. It was genuinely astonishing, wasn't it, Sophocles? Fascinating to see what catches people on the raw...

@TedMullins

Right and others said I’m a troll and god knows what else, that I had a bad attitude. I’m not just going to let that lie because it’s simply not true. Given feminism is a sociological theory in and of itself I’m surprised so many people are simply not interested in conversations of that ilk but fair enough.

Do you realise how condescending you sound? Do you think you and your friends hold the moral and intellectual high ground because you talk about feminism?

Neither the moral nor the intellectual high ground are available merely for attempts to conjure them up by disputation and berating.