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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Do you watch porn?

551 replies

RadandMad · 18/02/2021 19:22

I've been reading a convo on Twitter where several people are claiming - including a woman - that women watch porn as well as men. My first reaction is, this isn't true. Sure, I've watched it from time to time, usually in the company of men, but it's so boring, so divorced from real sex/real bodies, that I'd almost rather do anything else.

Am I wrong? I realise I'm asking a group of women who are probably going to have a more cynical view of pornography, but I'm having a hard time believing women have a porn habit even remotely comparable to men's.

OP posts:
Shineonyoucrazy · 19/02/2021 19:16

No. Once, in early 20s, probably tame compared to what is made now, found it a turn off and comically ridiculous. I've only know one woman who admits to using it.

Punching · 19/02/2021 19:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LouJ85 · 19/02/2021 19:24

@Punching

Out of interest, did you follow the link to the full article? It contains direct quotes from the women involved, which interestingly contradict some of what you're saying.

Are you trying to minimise the “negative effects paradigm” of watching women be raped?

Oh ffs are too serious?

I asked a straightforward question of whether you read the article and the quotes made by the women themselves who watch porn.

How the fuck have you managed to leap from that question to "are you minimising the rape of women?"

Some of these questions being directed my way are getting ridiculous now.

Divebar2021 · 19/02/2021 19:39

I sad yes. I wouldn’t be in a porn myself but then I eat meat and I’m not sure I would be up for slaughtering my own animals either. It’s an irrelevant measure as far as I’m concerned. This isn’t really a forum that I would debate the issue though.

LouJ85 · 19/02/2021 19:46

@Punching

Since you have insisted on vastly misinterpreting my comment- hopefully this helps.

I said that some of the quotes in the article contradict some of your points about the conclusion of the study, specifically these points you made:

⁃	Focus on with partners, and “learning” how to give. Learning what their partners expect of them, so get used to it.

⁃	By satisfy desire, we mean men’s desires, that’s why we didn’t say “satisfy their own desires”

The following are quotes from the women included in the study:
^
“It has always been my own activity, my own pleasure, and it’s also, an instrument for when I’ve had a long, rough day, I feel really tense, and the only thing I want is to relieve some physical tension and therefore I decide to masturbate, and the easiest thing for me to do is to masturbate and log on to one of those websites.”

“I have a specific fantasy which has nothing to do with my real actions and life. [Although] I am looking for affection in my sexual experiences, the porn that I usually choose is for example, group sex with 30 men and one woman and that is something that helps me to come. So, I choose to watch that. Despite all my actions in real life.”^

“I think it helped me learn about my desires, my body, how I should touch myself, things I like, things I didn’t like. I think I learned to be more confident with my body, with my desires, with the things I want to do, with the things I want the guy to do with me. I think you have to accept and normalise sex. I had my first orgasm when I was 26, 27, really late, so why it took so long for me? And then, I think it was because of my environment, you know, girls don’t do that, they cannot have this kind of desire, they cannot have these kinds of pleasures, and when you see porn, there’s sometimes porn that you see very normal people, and think yeah, we can have this kind of pleasure, we can have this kind of desire, why not?

I think seeing women, masturbating or seeing women having sex, or going out of their way to have sex, I think it could help produce a positive outlook on having sex, and it’s okay to buy a vibrator if you want one, it’s okay to have a night in and just masturbate.”

My point was, that reading these comments, it seems that this somewhat contradicts your above points, that it is never about a woman's own pleasure or desire. The quotes show that some women find pleasure for themselves in watching porn. Some of them use it to learn what they do and don’t like in terms of self pleasure. Some use it for solo masturbation and pleasure as opposed to it being about satisfying a man.

That was my point.

So no, I am absolutely not "trying to minimise rape".

LouJ85 · 19/02/2021 19:55

@Divebar2021

I sad yes. I wouldn’t be in a porn myself but then I eat meat and I’m not sure I would be up for slaughtering my own animals either. It’s an irrelevant measure as far as I’m concerned. This isn’t really a forum that I would debate the issue though.

I agree - I also see it as irrelevant whether I'd choose to do it myself or not. Not sure what relevance this has to my choice to watch it.

MissBarbary · 19/02/2021 19:57

@Firstbellini

I will answer it. I wouldn’t appear in porn because I would find it traumatising to be penetrated either a. in painful ways or b. by people I am not attracted to.
Well indeed. And I'm not keen on the idea of getting turned on by watching other women in that situation.
MissBarbary · 19/02/2021 20:01

Although] I am looking for affection in my sexual experiences,the porn that I usually choose is for example, group sex with 30 men and one woman and that is something that helps me to come. So, I choose to watch that. Despite all my actions in real life.”^

I'm not sure where this quote comes from but the cognitive dissonance in thinking watching a woman being filmed having sex is nothing to do with her "real life" is astonishing.

LouJ85 · 19/02/2021 20:02

@MissBarbary

Although] I am looking for affection in my sexual experiences,the porn that I usually choose is for example, group sex with 30 men and one woman and that is something that helps me to come. So, I choose to watch that. Despite all my actions in real life.”^

I'm not sure where this quote comes from but the cognitive dissonance in thinking watching a woman being filmed having sex is nothing to do with her "real life" is astonishing.

It comes from the study I linked to that explored women's reasons for watching porn.

wishes1111 · 19/02/2021 20:02

Occasionally, on my own.

None of this hardcore stuff though.

1WildFlower · 19/02/2021 20:07

No

PolytheneHam · 19/02/2021 20:10

Yes. Regularly.

TrailingLobelias · 19/02/2021 20:13

Never

WWJackieWeaverD · 19/02/2021 20:15

No.

LouJ85 · 19/02/2021 20:32

I'm not sure where this quote comes from but the cognitive dissonance in thinking watching a woman being filmed having sex is nothing to do with her "real life" is astonishing.

I interpreted it as her saying she doesn't engage in group sex herself, but she enjoys watching it as a fantasy. Hence she watches stuff that she doesn't do in her "real life". That was my take on the quote anyway.

Mummaofboys93 · 19/02/2021 20:36

I said yes that I do watch porn. Would I be in porn? All the set up porn, no I wouldn't be. I couldn't have sex with someone I am not sexually attracted to, I couldn't be told in what way to have sex & nor do I think I'd feel comfortable with people standing around filming ect & I also don't watch that type of porn myself. I would however make homemade stuff with my partner, although he is the only person I have been with where I feel like I'd do this with & am comfortable enough to be entirely myself around. I definitely wouldn't have even contemplated it with ex's though.

Firstbellini · 19/02/2021 21:04

A woman where I work has an only fans account. She has sent the link to a number of male colleagues. It has caused her to be disliked by both male and female colleagues, mostly the young ones.

I think it is because it changes the whole dynamic of male and female coworkers if one of them is selling their sexuality.

It has made me rethink why people slut shame.

Anyway, it’s one of the reasons I wouldn’t want to be involved in porn, even with the degree of control you get on only fans.

NorbertMeubles · 19/02/2021 21:09

@ApplePie86

My God, I can't believe how many nos there are!!!

I watch it when I'm on my own and having some "alone time". Prefer all female as despite being straight, so not find the men that much of a turn on!

It's not a regular thing though - maybe once or twice a month.

I am the same as this.
LouJ85 · 19/02/2021 21:16

@Firstbellini

A woman where I work has an only fans account. She has sent the link to a number of male colleagues. It has caused her to be disliked by both male and female colleagues, mostly the young ones.

I think it is because it changes the whole dynamic of male and female coworkers if one of them is selling their sexuality.

It has made me rethink why people slut shame.

Anyway, it’s one of the reasons I wouldn’t want to be involved in porn, even with the degree of control you get on only fans.

I'm not sure sending the link to work colleagues was her wisest move. I'd never dream of mixing my professional life with my sex life. Blush
SqeakyHindge · 19/02/2021 21:45

Comparing women in porn to slaughtering meat

Even when had bad self esteem and confidence never has the bar so low but then I don’t watch porn.

You actually thought copying in that study was good? 🤦🏼‍♀️ I skimmed and stopped at

30 x men
1 x woman

You haven’t got a friend who goes by name Jane have you? Or one that forget the name but white trainers big feet.

Punching · 19/02/2021 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LouJ85 · 19/02/2021 22:00

@SqeakyHindge

Comparing women in porn to slaughtering meat

Even when had bad self esteem and confidence never has the bar so low but then I don’t watch porn.

You actually thought copying in that study was good? 🤦🏼‍♀️ I skimmed and stopped at

30 x men
1 x woman

You haven’t got a friend who goes by name Jane have you? Or one that forget the name but white trainers big feet.

Who are you addressing?

LouJ85 · 19/02/2021 22:02

@Punching

I interpreted it as her saying she doesn't engage in group sex herself, but she enjoys watching it as a fantasy. Hence she watches stuff that she doesn't do in her "real life". That was my take on the quote anyway.

@LouJ85

I was glib making the comment about minimizing rape. But then I look at this group sex comment and maybe I wasn’t so far off the mark.
She doesn’t want to do it in real life, so outsources the sanitising of her fantasies so that they can be sold back to her.

So here again are the reasons I (and others) do not use porn

  1. I believe that the quantity of unethical porn is so great that essentially no one can be confident that they are watching exploitation free material. I am not prepared to take that risk, and I don’t want to fuel demand.
  2. Given we are starting to have a conversation about the detrimental effect of porn on boys and young men, no one actually believes that porn is healthy and/or beneficial to female consumers. That’s a marketing strategy.
  3. I do not find it sexually stimulating at all, my imagination is adequate and my sex life doesn’t leave me needed hospital treatment.

I don’t massively care what users of porn think about my reasons, but viewing pornography is not an ethically neutral act, and If that makes people feel uncomfortable or judged well maybe they could ask themselves why that defensiveness is there.

And your thoughts on the other women's quotes?

MissBarbary · 19/02/2021 22:06

@LouJ85

I'm not sure where this quote comes from but the cognitive dissonance in thinking watching a woman being filmed having sex is nothing to do with her "real life" is astonishing.

I interpreted it as her saying she doesn't engage in group sex herself, but she enjoys watching it as a fantasy. Hence she watches stuff that she doesn't do in her "real life". That was my take on the quote anyway.

Er , yes I got that was her take.

My point is it takes a huge amount of not thinking and caring to imagine that a woman being paid to have sex with 30 men for this woman's entertainment is not part of "real life"

She is not the one being fucked for money- she's just getting her jollies watching another woman getting fucked for money- but hey "it's not real"

What a pathetic attitude.

Punching · 19/02/2021 22:07

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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