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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Do you watch porn?

551 replies

RadandMad · 18/02/2021 19:22

I've been reading a convo on Twitter where several people are claiming - including a woman - that women watch porn as well as men. My first reaction is, this isn't true. Sure, I've watched it from time to time, usually in the company of men, but it's so boring, so divorced from real sex/real bodies, that I'd almost rather do anything else.

Am I wrong? I realise I'm asking a group of women who are probably going to have a more cynical view of pornography, but I'm having a hard time believing women have a porn habit even remotely comparable to men's.

OP posts:
LouJ85 · 19/02/2021 17:36

@ginandbearit

Is the underlying objection to porn on here really an objection to heterosexual porn involving men and women?

I dont hear of objections to porn showing enthusiastic gay men having sex with other enthusiastic gay men, or enthusiastic lesbians.having sex with other enthusiastic lesbians..and there seems to be a bit of an appetite for watching men on their own too ..so are there areas of sexual activity that dont trigger concern ?

I'd be interested in this too, actually.

LouJ85 · 19/02/2021 17:39

@CatCup

Yes

Wonder if you'll also be badgered to share your reasons why? And disbelieved when you answer questions honestly. 🤔

AdHominemNonSequitur · 19/02/2021 17:49

I do. It's lazy.
I wouldn't call it a habit, I could stop any time I wanted to....

SittingAround1 · 19/02/2021 17:51

No and neither does my DH.

Isn't the 'amateur' stuff revenge porn ?

LouJ85 · 19/02/2021 18:02

@SittingAround1

No and neither does my DH.

Isn't the 'amateur' stuff revenge porn ?

Not always.

Punching · 19/02/2021 18:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsMarvellous · 19/02/2021 18:04

I used to but as I have learned more about how much of it is non consensual and how women are trafficked I have stopped. I cannot know for sure anyone in those videos is fully consenting so I just don't partake.

LouJ85 · 19/02/2021 18:11

@Punching

Our aim was to provide an in-depth understanding of the role of pornography in the construction of female sexuality. Building upon research that moves beyond the ‘negative effects paradigm’ in the study of pornography (Attwood, 2002; Comella and Tarrant, 2015; Hardy, 1998, 2000, 2015; McCormack and Wignall, 2017; Paasonen, 2011; Williams, 1999), we showed that consuming pornography is both disciplining and empowering for women.

Our research grant body wants to put out a “positive effects paradigm” of the product they are selling.

Our informants recognise that pornography reproduces and promotes patriarchal discourses of sexuality, but they manage to use it in order to reach a state of pleasure (exercise of fantasy, sexual gratification) and perfection (optimal way of performing sex).
They are easier to coerce into anal, and subbing

We also show the role of pornography in cultivating a renewed understanding of female sexuality and thus its role in enabling our informants to perform it differently.
The Joy of Sex should be banned, the new bearded blokes are here.

In this process, aspects of the genre are questioned, negotiated and reconciled in order to continue using pornography to satisfy desire. Our findings also show that women re-articulate the dubious and contradictory meanings that emanate from this controversial genre to align the pleasure they derive from pornography with its meanings in their lives.

By satisfy desire, we mean men’s desires, that’s why we didn’t say “satisfy their own desires”

In line with other qualitative research (e.g. Ashton et al., 2018, 2019; Attwood et al., 2018; Parvez, 2006) this study showed that women use pornography in different ways: to exercise fantasy, for sexual gratification (solo or with partners), and for learning how to give and achieve pleasure.

Focus on with partners, and “learning” how to give. Learning what their partners expect of them, so get used to it.

While much of the previous literature has focused on demarcations that set apart women’s from men’s consumption, we find that women use pornography in a fairly similar way to men as reported in recent studies (McCormack and Wignall, 2017).

When we asked “women” that was a self selected bunch. Make of that what you will. But if we can get women to agree with men that they exist to satisfy men sexually, we are sooo happy.

Prior research suggests that women are able to identify more with the erotic narratives in erotica (Chowkhani, 2016; Hardy, 2009; Wilson-Kovacs, 2009) or other alternative porn categories (Neville, 2015, 2018), and therefore tend to prefer them. Our study, however, shows that women also find pleasure in mainstream pornography, including hardcore categories, even though they do not always identify with the actors and stories.

It’s that self selecting group again. Also don’t ask what we count as hardcore for the purposes of telling you how much some women love it, so you can coerce your partners with that nugget of research from 27 people.

We find that porn tastes can be quite different from real-life sexual preferences. Consuming pornography in that sense allows women to explore sexual practices that they have not experienced in real life or do not necessarily intend to mimic (Gurevich et al., 2017).

But do not mention that it is there to educate them.

As such, when women use pornography to stimulate their imagination, they do not consider the consequences of watching sexual acts that would be undesirable in real life. Pornography, thus, is a source of experimentation and education (Albury, 2014) for women. Our informants have learnt a lot about female sexuality, its experiences and its limits through porn, and it enabled them to develop a sexual repertoire and to discover different sexual techniques (Parvez, 2006).

They learn to do what they are told and to pretend to like being choked.

Out of interest, did you follow the link to the full article? It contains direct quotes from the women involved, which interestingly contradict some of what you're saying.

Rockinmomma · 19/02/2021 18:16

Well this thread has got a bit heated, a real mix of feelings
I previously posted no but that I did when I was younger (early 20s) until I watched a documentary on the porn industry
It was very unsettling
The documentary followed a lady that had chosen to change her career to porn star for the money. There was a point where she was contracted for a film her, another woman and 2 men. She’d agreed on what she was happy to do but they had asked her if she would do anus to mouth and she said no. During the scene the guy did it anyway, without her consent. She managed to stop what was happening and, followed by the cameras, she found a quiet space and just sobbed. I sobbed too, it was heartbreaking
I realise this isn’t every porn stars experience and I imagine some like their job but we can’t know this. And unfortunately, as with everything, it is supply and demand. Whilst the public still watch it, it’ll still be made and it won’t always be consented

CatCup · 19/02/2021 18:26

Because it turns me on.

Jaypreen · 19/02/2021 18:27

The industry is exploitative and relies on degrading (mostly) vulnerable women for the sexual pleasure of strangers

Is it? This is only anecdotal evidence obviously, but I've a friend who performed in porn about 20 years ago. She was a total exhibitionist, a nympho who had no boundaries, sex-wise, whatsoever. She loved it, had a great time and was very well paid. She still talks about it with affection. I'm intrigued to hear her stories, though to be honest - I'm slightly revolted. That said - I wouldn't want to see it banned or outlawed because I'm sure there are plenty of people like my friend.

Watching porn really isn't for me at all. I find it hideously off putting and I'm tremendously grateful that it isn't representative of sex as I've come to know it. Maybe that says more about me?

LouJ85 · 19/02/2021 18:41

@CatCup

Because it turns me on.

Well... Yes. Seems obvious really doesn't it. But apparently not to some.

LouJ85 · 19/02/2021 18:44

So, because I have far too much time on my hands (and partly out of personal interest), I just did a quick tally of the responses on this thread.

There's (so far - if I counted correctly!) 189 responses to the question of do you watch porn. 115 say no; 74 say yes. That's a 60:40 split. It's almost equal. I find that interesting.

Geeky researcher moment over. Grin

SqeakyHindge · 19/02/2021 18:48

@TonightMatthew

I have son to young to know about porn and I’m kind of pissed that am going to have to discuss porn sooner rather than later as I can’t control what has become normalised

I feel exactly the same.

I'm also worried that it will just seem like his old mammy nagging him not to watch dirty movies. I won't approach it in that way obviously but it can be hard to reach your kids in a way they take on board, especially in relation to sex and relationships. And if the whole of the rest of their world is saying it's all fine, nothing to get your knickers in a twist about, it's even harder.

@TonightMatthew

Glad it’s not just me, maybe should have a thread ‘how to teach your your sons about porn without telling them about porn’

Son environment was always female dominated until few years when friendship dynamics changed, it’s been shit since having to deal with the boys will be boys crap. Got no worries how he will treats girls but how he sees females as nags, the teachers the role models etc. Male side just brings shit stuff.

The child line stuff has really pissed me off for had not seen that post by another user in webchat last week I’d be none the wiser.

I doubt school are aware as this is one links included on newsletters and in msteams for kids. Wouldn’t know how to even start that conversation with school

MissBarbary · 19/02/2021 18:53

@LouJ85

And for everyone who was so curious about why I chose not to give my own reasons for watching porn - take a look a the way my last responses to the question of "would I do it myself" have been picked apart for semantics and sneered at (eg "pull the other one").

And you really don't see why I chose not to expose myself further on this thread?? 🤔

I think posters find your explanation implausible- that the only objection to being in a porn movie is you don't like being filmed.

It's nothing to do with "shame" by the way. It's, in my case, incredulity that, for example being penetrated for money by 3 strangers is in no way different than, for example appearing in the local am dram version of The Importance of being Ernest because both involve acting in front of other people.

Imissmoominmama · 19/02/2021 18:55

No.

LouJ85 · 19/02/2021 18:56

I think posters find your explanation implausible- that the only objection to being in a porn movie is you don't like being filmed.

That's their issue, then, isn't it. It's my reason, which I was asked for.

It's nothing to do with "shame" by the way. It's, in my case, incredulity that, for example being penetrated for money by 3 strangers is in no way different than, for example appearing in the local am dram version of The Importance of being Ernest because both involve acting in front of other people.

I referred to share because a pp specifically asked me "are you ashamed?", which I am not.

LouJ85 · 19/02/2021 18:58

Those who find my explanation "implausible". What exactly do you think would be a "plausible" reason to not want to be in a porn film? The fact that I watch it myself is evidence that I don't object to it on moral grounds, or find it disgusting or shameful - surely if I felt this way, I wouldn't watch it, right? So please, do share what other reasons you think I might have?

Firstbellini · 19/02/2021 18:59

Gin, I think you are raising two different issues.

Men having sex with each other is a very common sexual interest for women. A huge proportion of the written erotica on AO3 is male/male, and the audience is almost entirely female. So the reason women are watching gay porn is based on sexual and romantic interest and not solely based on how grim heterosexual porn generally looks.

There are still massive issues of exploitation in gay porn. There were a lot of concerns raised over consent in gay content coming out of Eastern Europe, and the poverty of the participants. Gay porn isn’t free of exploitation, even if the sex is made to look more enjoyable, natural, normal than what goes on in straight porn. That doesn’t mean the people in it aren’t experiencing coercion or are coming from a bad place psychologically or financially.

LouJ85 · 19/02/2021 19:00

And while I'm at it, why is no one badgering any of the other 73 women on this thread apart from myself who answered yes to watching it? Why the bizarre focus on me?

Firstbellini · 19/02/2021 19:03

I will answer it. I wouldn’t appear in porn because I would find it traumatising to be penetrated either a. in painful ways or b. by people I am not attracted to.

LouJ85 · 19/02/2021 19:05

@Firstbellini

I will answer it. I wouldn’t appear in porn because I would find it traumatising to be penetrated either a. in painful ways or b. by people I am not attracted to.

Did you answer yes or not to watching it?

LizzieSiddal · 19/02/2021 19:10

God no, couldn’t get turned on knowing that the people in the film may well have been coerced into doing things they aren’t happy about.

Firstbellini · 19/02/2021 19:11

I said I used to watch it but no longer do.

LouJ85 · 19/02/2021 19:13

@Firstbellini

I said I used to watch it but no longer do.

Ahh. In my quick geeky tally that I did, I counted you as a "no" then. I'd be interested to hear from some of the other women who said yes to watching porn but would say no to being involved in it themselves. Equally, I'd be interested what pp who disbelieve my own reason for not wanting to be involved in it think I'm concealing as my actual reason ...