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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Do you watch porn?

551 replies

RadandMad · 18/02/2021 19:22

I've been reading a convo on Twitter where several people are claiming - including a woman - that women watch porn as well as men. My first reaction is, this isn't true. Sure, I've watched it from time to time, usually in the company of men, but it's so boring, so divorced from real sex/real bodies, that I'd almost rather do anything else.

Am I wrong? I realise I'm asking a group of women who are probably going to have a more cynical view of pornography, but I'm having a hard time believing women have a porn habit even remotely comparable to men's.

OP posts:
AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 19/02/2021 16:17

I wouldn't say that was the case for the one night stands and other types of sexual encounter, though

For YOU maybe. But that does not mean that others cannot sleep with whomever they want, one night stands included, and feel fine about it.

If you dont want that, thats cool, but its a bit judgy to suggest that anyone having casual sex is somehow damaged or doing it to due to trauma. I know of people who are celibate who also have deep trauma so the idea that sex is an indicator of "self destruction" is simply not true.

Firstbellini · 19/02/2021 16:31

‘Well I will have to bow to your superior knowledge of the aesthetic values of the different types of filmed prostitution.

You (general you) can dress it up however much you want but that's what it is.’

Miss Barbary, this feels like quite a rude response. I don’t think it is superior knowledge to be aware that very many men who view women in pornography have a preference for women to be presented in dehumanising and animalistic ways, and as a consequence such depictions are what is mostly produced.

LouJ85 · 19/02/2021 16:37

What reasons why you wouldn’t? I’m asking about porn only, am sure you could tell me why exactly about theatre but I’m not asking about that, just porn

Because being an actor of any type doesn't appeal to me as a career option.

TonightMatthew · 19/02/2021 16:37

I have son to young to know about porn and I’m kind of pissed that am going to have to discuss porn sooner rather than later as I can’t control what has become normalised

I feel exactly the same.

I'm also worried that it will just seem like his old mammy nagging him not to watch dirty movies. I won't approach it in that way obviously but it can be hard to reach your kids in a way they take on board, especially in relation to sex and relationships. And if the whole of the rest of their world is saying it's all fine, nothing to get your knickers in a twist about, it's even harder.

LouJ85 · 19/02/2021 16:39

[quote SqeakyHindge]@LouJ85

But you happy to post links? So wasn’t that trying to sway people’s views.

You didn’t answer other questions.

I have son to young to know about porn and I’m kind of pissed that am going to have to discuss porn sooner rather than later as I can’t control what has become normalised, even child-line (I only learnt that from poster in mumsnet guest chat thread) even school playground. Thankfully at 8 he didn’t understand what get on your knees and suck dick meant he was more pissed off his friend was called a bitch first.

The conversation around porn with my daughter so different to what will have with my son.

If you won’t explain can you at least answer question would you do porn and why no or yes?[/quote]

I'm happy to post links to studies and research that has been done to help people who were asking to understand why some women watch porn. I'd argue that's infinitely more helpful to people in the quest for understanding since it's data from a larger sample of women than just one person (me).

LouJ85 · 19/02/2021 16:40

If you won’t explain can you at least answer question would you do porn and why no or yes?

I answered this already. Because acting doesn't appeal to me as a career option - that's acting of any type.

countingthestarswithmini · 19/02/2021 16:40

No. It's just not my thing.

LouJ85 · 19/02/2021 16:41

*But you happy to post links? So wasn’t that trying to sway people’s views.
*
No. It wasn't. It was a response to the poster who was curious about women's reasons for watching porn. Not the same as "trying to sway" people's views - it was information that was aimed at answering another person's question.

Punching · 19/02/2021 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mayjaye · 19/02/2021 17:00

Would it be fair to say that feminists are more likely to say no to this question and women who do not describe themselves as feminist are more likely to say yes?

I'm a feminist. I read erotica, but can't watch heterosexual porn as the way it treats women turns my stomach.

More generally… I'm sex-positive, support sex workers' rights, and think the sex industry in its current form is profoundly damaging and dangerous, especially to women.

Re the posters who are answering "yes" - mostly names that I'm not used to seeing on FWR.

Rarely post here, I participate in trans-inclusive feminist spaces elsewhere.

gottakeeponmovin · 19/02/2021 17:10

I don't watch it a lot I have seen the odd bit. I have no issue with watching it though

Deathgrip · 19/02/2021 17:14

@LouJ85

What reasons why you wouldn’t? I’m asking about porn only, am sure you could tell me why exactly about theatre but I’m not asking about that, just porn

Because being an actor of any type doesn't appeal to me as a career option.

Pull the other one
Mummaofboys93 · 19/02/2021 17:17

Yes I do & so does DP, we don't often watch it together but I'd say I probably watch it once or twice a week maybe? I prefer watching the more amature home made stuff as opposed to set up fake stuff which does nothing for me.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/02/2021 17:17

Isn't it generational?

Gwenhwyfar · 19/02/2021 17:18

@RadandMad

Thanks, guys. Really interesting range of responses.

yeah, I could have asked this on Big MN, but it's like the wild west out there! Wink

If you'd put it on 'Big MN', you'd be told to move it to the Sex Forum and then you wouldn't get representative replies either.
rhowton · 19/02/2021 17:20

Very occasionally! Maybe every other month.

LouJ85 · 19/02/2021 17:25

@Deathgrip

Excuse me? How rude are you.
I was asked why I wouldn't choose porn as a career and that's my genuine answer. If you don't like it or believe it because it doesn't fit your narrative and you're so desperate for me to say "because I'm ashamed" (which wouldn't be true reason), well that's very much your problem I'm afraid and not mine. Whether I have my clothes on or off, I don't want to be on a screen or a stage because I struggle with self confidence. Not because I would be ashamed of having sex on camera.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/02/2021 17:26

[quote LouJ85]@Deathgrip

Excuse me? How rude are you.
I was asked why I wouldn't choose porn as a career and that's my genuine answer. If you don't like it or believe it because it doesn't fit your narrative and you're so desperate for me to say "because I'm ashamed" (which wouldn't be true reason), well that's very much your problem I'm afraid and not mine. Whether I have my clothes on or off, I don't want to be on a screen or a stage because I struggle with self confidence. Not because I would be ashamed of having sex on camera. [/quote]
It made me laugh because it's not acting is it?

SqeakyHindge · 19/02/2021 17:28

@LouJ85

I answered this already. Because acting doesn't appeal to me as a career option - that's acting of any type

Then I will repeat similar post to one I responded when someone calling it sex work

A career? Do you need experience, qualifications, training. Is there career advisor can speak to?

What’s working conditions like? Is there a union? HR department you know just incase have any complaints, can you progress this career other than to pimp - Madame level

Can’t find any jobs vacancies on job centre, and fact Reed not advertising says it all!

Most important what’s the minimum age? I heard the job is bit ageism

king Dom does Granny with his whopper doesn’t have same catchy sales vibe than if you replaced granny with baby face, teen or virgin I couldn’t think of any porn titles

You know it been obvious pages back why you won’t do it, it’s always obvious. I just had time to pull teeth

LouJ85 · 19/02/2021 17:30

@Gwenhwyfar

I was asked, repeatedly, as you'll see if you read further back, would I choose to be a porn star? My answer is no, because I don't want to be filmed on a screen in any capacity (clothes on or off) due to my own self confidence. I cringe at all videos of myself, always have my whole life, I hate them.

Whether or not you consider porn to be acting is up to you. But the label of acting is neither here nor there in the context of my reply to that specific question, which remains: "no, because I lack the confidence to be filmed and be on a screen".

Cozytoesandtoast00 · 19/02/2021 17:32

Yes. But choosy about what I watch.

LouJ85 · 19/02/2021 17:33

[quote SqeakyHindge]@LouJ85

I answered this already. Because acting doesn't appeal to me as a career option - that's acting of any type

Then I will repeat similar post to one I responded when someone calling it sex work

A career? Do you need experience, qualifications, training. Is there career advisor can speak to?

What’s working conditions like? Is there a union? HR department you know just incase have any complaints, can you progress this career other than to pimp - Madame level

Can’t find any jobs vacancies on job centre, and fact Reed not advertising says it all!

Most important what’s the minimum age? I heard the job is bit ageism

king Dom does Granny with his whopper doesn’t have same catchy sales vibe than if you replaced granny with baby face, teen or virgin I couldn’t think of any porn titles

You know it been obvious pages back why you won’t do it, it’s always obvious. I just had time to pull teeth[/quote]

Again - you're getting hung up on the semantics used in my response and deliberately missing the point.

I don't care if you consider it a career option or not, frankly. You can debate that with people who care.

I was asked a specific question, which I answered honestly.

My reply was and still is "no I would not choose to be in a porn film because I do not enjoy being filmed and watched by others, in any capacity".

ginandbearit · 19/02/2021 17:34

Is the underlying objection to porn on here really an objection to heterosexual porn involving men and women?

I dont hear of objections to porn showing enthusiastic gay men having sex with other enthusiastic gay men, or enthusiastic lesbians.having sex with other enthusiastic lesbians..and there seems to be a bit of an appetite for watching men on their own too ..so are there areas of sexual activity that dont trigger concern ?

LouJ85 · 19/02/2021 17:35

And for everyone who was so curious about why I chose not to give my own reasons for watching porn - take a look a the way my last responses to the question of "would I do it myself" have been picked apart for semantics and sneered at (eg "pull the other one").

And you really don't see why I chose not to expose myself further on this thread?? 🤔

CatCup · 19/02/2021 17:35

Yes