Friends dd has just come out as agender

[Teenageromance]

She is supporting her choices as that is what we do - but how do I support her without compromising that I know it is a lot of nonsense. The dd wants to change her name and use alternative pronouns.

It makes me so sad - kids in lockdown spending too much time being influenced by the internet.

If you wanted to be supportive, you wouldn't be online calling it a load of nonsense. You're here for strangers to agree it's nonsense, and to validate you.
Try researching and educating yourself, if you actually want to show support.

Well I'll validate you- It is nonsense.

Just treat her the same as you used to. Be polite and kind and hope for her sake that she grows out of it. Had she been born earlier she'd be a goth and it would feel like her whole identity was wrapped up that scene. Hopefully this will just be a memory she looks back on and cringes about.

What a stress for the immediate family and what an absolute bore for those not directly involved.

'Agender' is actually new to me.

Of course it has me thinking of that old gag "He's asexual; a sexual beast"!

I reckon, short of growing up alone on a tropical island, trailing the umbilical-cord as you crawl up the beach, it's impossible to be agender. But perhaps that's my own agenda!

But would you use the pronouns etc even though you disagree totally with it? I want to support my friend not the daughter. Would happily tell the daughter it’s a lot of nonsense but know we have to tread lightly with teenagers

@bitliketonyhares

If you wanted to be supportive, you wouldn't be online calling it a load of nonsense. You're here for strangers to agree it's nonsense, and to validate you. Try researching and educating yourself, if you actually want to show support.

I do love the 'educate yourself' folk...

laojiao anyone?

Just to be clear PP do you mean how do you support your friend about her DD whilst knowing it’s a load of nonsense?

Isn’t agender the same as having no gender?

Sorry cross post

I assume Pronouns are used when DD isbt present so I’d stick to using she & her and see if your friend says anything

I'd be agenda if I was made to pick a gender. Just be supportive and caring as you were before, and talk to her about her interests and personality. They'll continue to be so much more to them than what gender they've stated they are.

Well I'm 'agender' in that I don't identify with any gender. Could you agree wholeheartedly with the dd that gender is a straitjacket that makes people miserable? (this would also probably have the side-effect of making being Agender much less appealing if the middle aged mums are doing it too)

All for not boxing yourself off with a gender label but doesn't that just mean that the girl is just that, a female along with the usual pronouns to accompany her sex?

Has your friend told you so that you use the new name and pronoun when discussing the DD with your friend?

@ValancyRedfern I sometimes wonder if it was snuck in with the other genders by a radfem- the flag looks pretty close to the suffragette flag too!

I have a similar situation with a friend, and I use their chosen pronouns because I treat it as a matter of common courtesy to address people as they wish to be addressed. Imagine, as a comparison, someone who called a woman 'Mrs. Husband's Name' even though they hadn't changed their name on marriage, because they disagreed with that as a way of living. Not good. However, in your position I would be making sure I talked through with my DD the socially constructed nature of gender and that people can be whatever they want to be, it's not the labels that make the difference. Teenage girls would be better off fighting the stereotypes that constrain them than making label changes.

I'd tell the dd that I'm agender too as I only have a sex and the rest is personality.

@valancyRedfearn yes but she is asking us to use different pronouns and I don’t agree with that

@PullTheBricksDown but I object to the rules of English grammar being changed for one group.

@Biscuitsanddoombar yes exactly

@RaininSummer

All for not boxing yourself off with a gender label but doesn't that just mean that the girl is just that, a female along with the usual pronouns to accompany her sex?

I wondered that, but social pressures are currently telling everyone that they have to choose, eg- "state your pronouns"; by not stating a gender, you have defacto chosen "cis"

[quote Teenageromance]@PullTheBricksDown but I object to the rules of English grammar being changed for one group.[/quote]
What do you mean? 'They' as a singular pronoun has been used since Shakespeare's time. It's not new at all. If you were keen on grammar, maybe you'd keep up with changing trends?

I would be kind to my friend and use the pronouns that she is using for her child. She's probably suffering enough without a friend making political points at her expense.

What pronouns does an agender girl use?

I'd use the pronouns that they'd chosen. If someone close to me said that they were agenda, I'd say that I am too, will use their pronouns, but that I'm ok with she /her for me (as their are no rules that state that non-binary can't chose to use she /her)