Breastfeeding support group wants to allow males

[user643899]

I am in a Facebook group for breastfeeding support.

There's a new comment from admin asking if we'd be comfortable with males joining the group, then a subsequent poll.

I commented on said poll, "I am a feminist. Call me a terf. Biologically you are male or female. Feel free to identify as what you wish but you cannot change your sex. This group is for breastfeeding. Only females can breastfeed."

I was called a bigot. One comment read, "you aren't a feminist. Feminists want equality for all genders." I responded,"Equality for both sexes, yes. Female is a sex. Feminism derives from the word, female."

Now my original comment has been deleted. I daren't comment again through fear of removal.

I'm upset. This is the group I used when I had thrush. I posted pictures of the thrush on my boob. I can't be comfortable in a group made for my sex.

OP with you all the way on this

Ignore the people who think it is entirely normal to think that men are entitled to be in all our spaces.

It’s not

@littlbrowndog

OP with you all the way on this

Ignore the people who think it is entirely normal to think that men are entitled to be in all our spaces.

It’s not

QFT

Can men breastfeed?

Yes.

health.howstuffworks.com/human-body/parts/why-men-have-nipples1.htm

and I would have wanted limits on who could possibly see close-up pictures of my breast too

How do you propose limiting who is going to see these pictures once they are posted? It seems the height of naivety to think no one outside the group will be able to access them.

Well, people are not able to meet in groups properly at the moment. And babies still need to be fed and nursing mothers will still have problems and worries that need help and guidance. So, what would put you off sharing photos would be voyeurs. You know other nursing mothers are going through the same thing and breastfeeding advisors have the knowledge to impart. These breastfeeding leaders will probably also have breastfed themselves. Someone who is neither looking at the photos would make you think twice. Sadly also limit a nursing mothers's ability to get advice.

Hw then do we help a father to support his partner? How then do we normalise BF in a way where boobs are not just for sex in a mans eyes?

Hold on. What do you mean, how do we help a father? Why is that our job?
Why is it our job to desexualise breasts?

Women must give up their safe spaces in order to help stop men sexualising us.

Are you a feminist? @june2007

@littlbrowndog

OP with you all the way on this

Ignore the people who think it is entirely normal to think that men are entitled to be in all our spaces.

It’s not

I know the OP thinks I'm thick but has it actually been established what the question was in the first place which produced the OP's rant about being a terf?

And babies still need to be fed and nursing mothers will still have problems and worries that need help and guidance. So, what would put you off sharing photos would be voyeurs. You know other nursing mothers are going through the same thing and breastfeeding advisors have the knowledge to impart

ok, fair enough but posting intimate photos online, surely you can see the problem there - how do you know who anyone is online, and that people won't share them outside the group, or someone you don't want to see them will?
Basic internet safety, bit naive to think the only problem would be men in there

[quote MoonJelly]Can men breastfeed?

Yes.

health.howstuffworks.com/human-body/parts/why-men-have-nipples1.htm[/quote]
I wasn't aware men had breasts.

I know the OP thinks I'm thick but has it actually been established what the question was in the first place which produced the OP's rant about being a terf?

Don't think so, no

@littlbrowndog

OP with you all the way on this

Ignore the people who think it is entirely normal to think that men are entitled to be in all our spaces.

It’s not

Thank you!

I wasn't aware men had breasts

Did you read the link or is it nitpicking at words used?

Did I post this on Feminism Chat or AIBU

Op I don’t know what you’ve said that has confused so many people.

If i identified as a man and had £1m of surgery, I would still never need access to a prostate cancer support group. If my DP had prostate cancer I could find all the information I needed from a partners support group without having to insert myself into the group supporting the poor people actually going through it. That’s not making prostate cancer a secret thing, it’s respecting the needs of those in the group going through something and sharing personal photos and experiences (presumably under their real names on Facebook).

Any feelings of being excluded are completely misplaced because it’s a specific group not an exclusive one. Who is benefiting from male inclusion in a online breastfeeding support group during a pandemic?

The Helena Bonham Carter character in Fight Club inserted herself into a men’s cancer support group and it was a way of showing what sort of person she was.

I wasn't aware men had breasts
Even Shakespeare refers to “his breast”. Yes, men have breasts. So do chickens, chimneys and suits. You can buy double breasted coats for men. Breast is a common word for the upper chest area.

All the more reason to have the group itself as safe as possible from potential voyeurs. First line defence. It must be difficult at the moment, everything being online.

Physical meeting will return though. The nurse who ran the group I attended was fantastic. This is the way you promote breastfeeding. Make it comfortable for the nursing mothers and have good knowledgeable leaders to support these nursing mothers.

Backed up with legislation to support breastfeeding and facilities for expressing.

@ChakaDakotaRegina

Op I don’t know what you’ve said that has confused so many people.

If i identified as a man and had £1m of surgery, I would still never need access to a prostate cancer support group. If my DP had prostate cancer I could find all the information I needed from a partners support group without having to insert myself into the group supporting the poor people actually going through it. That’s not making prostate cancer a secret thing, it’s respecting the needs of those in the group going through something and sharing personal photos and experiences (presumably under their real names on Facebook).

Any feelings of being excluded are completely misplaced because it’s a specific group not an exclusive one. Who is benefiting from male inclusion in a online breastfeeding support group during a pandemic?

The Helena Bonham Carter character in Fight Club inserted herself into a men’s cancer support group and it was a way of showing what sort of person she was.

I don't think they're confused. More looking to pick at things I've said.

I agree with your entire post.
Thinking about your reference to prostate cancer, I wonder how many of the pp's would be happy for women to join in these scenarios.

I am pondering why the group for chest feeders didn't work out.

The post from ChakaDakotaRegina which you are taking as validating your position is predicated on the assumption that a trans person would want to be involved in a group which concentrates on a single sex issue. Your opening post said nothing about whether that was the issue. You were talking about men; not trans women.

Call it nit- picking if you like rather than attempting to find out what you were actually complaining about.

Regardless of that it's the height of naivety to expect you will have control over who views pictures of your breasts posted online.

My husband came with me to the breastfeeding class. It was specifically for mother and partner because having support is critical. When my dd was born she had latch problems and every 3 hours he stood behind me pushing a syringe of breast milk taped in a tube on my nipple watching for every swallow to be matched by a push of the syringe. He is a lactation support champion. He would have no business on a Facebook group though. If we had a question, it could go through me because women need to be comfortable sharing pictures of nipples and latches. I was lucky that I could afford a private lactation nurse so when we are ran into trouble we met with her daily. Most women don’t have that. These groups are all they have available.

I'm completely with you OP. Breastfeeding groups like that should be safe spaces for breastfeeding women only.

I'm unsure what legitimate reason males would have to access these groups. Any decent man would acknowledge & respect the need for privacy for women seeking advice.

Could you leave that group & start one for females only? I mean, it won't be discriminatory now that anyone can join the other group. That way the largest number of people get access to support: those who are happier in a female-only group & those who are happy in a mixed group.

@ifIwerenotanandroid Why should she be pushed out? Men do not belong in a breastfeeding group. Period.

I don't understand why a few men are so keen to push into what is clearly women's spaces. It is disrespectful and rude.

It is so frustrating, in real life I have seen that when this happens to they are pandered to (which is different to being accepted) as they try to hold court and mansplain and women drift away.

Chest feeders who have to force lactation should have their own group as they present a different challenge than breastfeeders,

breastfeeding natel women do not need drugs to induce lactation therefore they will have no useful advice to give