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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Breastfeeding support group wants to allow males

306 replies

user643899 · 22/11/2020 20:03

I am in a Facebook group for breastfeeding support.

There's a new comment from admin asking if we'd be comfortable with males joining the group, then a subsequent poll.

I commented on said poll, "I am a feminist. Call me a terf. Biologically you are male or female. Feel free to identify as what you wish but you cannot change your sex. This group is for breastfeeding. Only females can breastfeed."

I was called a bigot. One comment read, "you aren't a feminist. Feminists want equality for all genders." I responded,"Equality for both sexes, yes. Female is a sex. Feminism derives from the word, female."

Now my original comment has been deleted. I daren't comment again through fear of removal.

I'm upset. This is the group I used when I had thrush. I posted pictures of the thrush on my boob. I can't be comfortable in a group made for my sex.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
Therarestone · 22/11/2020 20:43

How dare a man want to find more information so he can be supportive of his partner breastfeeding their child. HOW DARE HE.

StealthPolarBear · 22/11/2020 20:45

@Therarestone

How dare a man want to find more information so he can be supportive of his partner breastfeeding their child. HOW DARE HE.
Have you read the thread?
FirstClassFlightHome · 22/11/2020 20:48

God, this reminds me of that Facebook thread where a trans person with a fetish for breastfeeding asked women in the group if he could ‘breastfeed’ their babies. Loads of the women agreed. Absolutely disgusting. The women involved didn’t seem to understand the motivation of this person and were just trying to be kind and inclusive.

Smallsteps88 · 22/11/2020 20:49

@Therarestone

How dare a man want to find more information so he can be supportive of his partner breastfeeding their child. HOW DARE HE.
Why can’t he find out that information from speaking to healthcare professionals, other fathers, the internet? Why does he need to be in a female space to find out that information?
HotGlueGun · 22/11/2020 20:50

@Therarestone oh seriously...there is a reason why men aren't generally accepted onto breastfeeding pages. Most women would not be comfortable talking about very intimate things knowing there is a male audience. It's absolutely not about men wanting to support their female partners. Men who want access to breastfeeding pages are after feeding their own kink. I don't get why trans men would want to be on a breastfeeding page either. Surely they'd find it triggering for their dysphoria? If they want support "chest feeding" or any other bullshit label they want to call it then they can set up their own groups. Op... it's disgraceful how you've been treated. Interested to know which page it was...
I'm on several but haven't seen this and wondering if I've missed it.

PotholeParadies · 22/11/2020 20:54

@Therarestone

How dare a man want to find more information so he can be supportive of his partner breastfeeding their child. HOW DARE HE.
There are plenty of places that a man can find out information on breastfeeding without joining a women's-only private support group. You know, where women may post images of their own breasts in order to get help on diagnosing issues.
Original poster
user643899 · 22/11/2020 20:57

@Therarestone

How dare a man want to find more information so he can be supportive of his partner breastfeeding their child. HOW DARE HE.
Why does he need to join a breastfeeding group to do this? Confused

And if so, why is he more important than me?

Not that the thread is about dads.

OP posts:
Duckwit · 22/11/2020 21:00

What's wrong with having transmen in the group though?

Did the group itself refer to transwomen as 'males' as that is very transphobic according to the dogma?

How many transwomen are out there who have 'induced lactation' (using god knows what drugs?) that this specific group would need to open up for them?

I would suggest that a bog standard breastfeeding group for women wouldn't be the best place for a male who has induced lactation anyway, as pretty much all of the issues are going to totally different to what females experience anyway, and the advice given could be completely wrong.

ChakaDakotaRegina · 22/11/2020 21:03

Ffs. That’s shitty op.

It’s a very specific group for people who are breastfeeding. It is not some sort of elitist exclusionary group! I’m no longer breastfeeding and I wouldn’t feel comfortable going back into those spaces.
If We want to encourage mothers to do it and this is not the way forward.
If it was mum or dad that bottle fed it wouldn’t really be the space for them even.

spidermomma · 22/11/2020 21:05

I don't know op. It's a difficult one but I kind of hoped my dh had something like this wen I was breastfeeding so he could support me more or atLeast help with the other kids when I was feeding.... just to understand it isn't always like the pretty mums in adverts an it can hurts an it's a lot of pressure but it's amazing to bond and the things baby can get from it. X

frolicmum · 22/11/2020 21:06

My husband came to the actually physical breastfeeding group with me when I went for the first time. To listen to what the breastfeeding consultants have to say and how he can support me at home to get the right latch, my brain was still frazzled 5 days after baby was born so it was good to have him there. I think it's important that partners and husbands are welcome.

Backbee · 22/11/2020 21:07

Anyone on Facebook can be anyone, if a male wanted to join for nefarious purposes they could anyway under the guise of a female photo and name. Transmen are biologically female so I don't really see the issue if they require support, other than if they strive to have language changed and challenge any use of the word woman or whatever in posts; seems unlikely as a lot of the push comes from men. If the post was specifically saying transwomen can now join then yes that's odd, but I cannot imagine hoardes joining in honesty. There are plenty of groups online for BFing support, if you don't agree then it's more than reasonable to leave the group and find another.

frolicmum · 22/11/2020 21:08

Sorry OP i didn't realise it wasn't about dads.

Original poster
user643899 · 22/11/2020 21:09

@frolicmum

My husband came to the actually physical breastfeeding group with me when I went for the first time. To listen to what the breastfeeding consultants have to say and how he can support me at home to get the right latch, my brain was still frazzled 5 days after baby was born so it was good to have him there. I think it's important that partners and husbands are welcome.
It isn't about dads joining.

It's about transwomen/ men.

I still wouldn't support dads joining as I wouldn't feel comfortable either.

OP posts:
Original poster
user643899 · 22/11/2020 21:10

@frolicmum

Sorry OP i didn't realise it wasn't about dads.
Xpost
OP posts:
Original poster
user643899 · 22/11/2020 21:11

@Backbee

Anyone on Facebook can be anyone, if a male wanted to join for nefarious purposes they could anyway under the guise of a female photo and name. Transmen are biologically female so I don't really see the issue if they require support, other than if they strive to have language changed and challenge any use of the word woman or whatever in posts; seems unlikely as a lot of the push comes from men. If the post was specifically saying transwomen can now join then yes that's odd, but I cannot imagine hoardes joining in honesty. There are plenty of groups online for BFing support, if you don't agree then it's more than reasonable to leave the group and find another.
Of course but I would presume that by allowing men that a greater proportion of men would be in the group.
OP posts:
HotGlueGun · 22/11/2020 21:14

@frolicmum you see, I think this is wrong. I'm all for men supporting their partners with breastfeeding but it simply is not fair on the other women to have a man there. When I went to bf support groups, like a lot of other mums, I needed help with latch which involved the lactation consultant physically helping me. My breasts were on display and I would have HATED a man being there. It's just not appropriate.

Duckwit · 22/11/2020 21:14

I still don't get your problem with transmen being allowed in the group - they are female?

Coffeeandcocopops · 22/11/2020 21:16

I would feel uncomfortable with makes in a breastfeeding group. I don’t care if they are partners or husbands I would still feel uncomfortable. Why do men have to be involved. I don’t choose to join men’s groups.

Backbee · 22/11/2020 21:19

Of course but I would presume that by allowing men that a greater proportion of men would be in the group

Well yes, but allowing men in general in and allowing transwomen to join are 2 seperate issues. The latter will likely have their 'new' name on the profiles, has someone been vetting members to confirm they are female so far? I am all for women's only spaces and am GC, but failing to see the real issue here. If they are letting all men join then yes, although the majority likely do want to learn more and are 'genuine' it changes the dynamic of the group and I would say I was unhappy too. If you're unhappy with both transmen and transwomen joining it seems odd as TM are biologically women.

HotGlueGun · 22/11/2020 21:19

@Duckwit in my view, yes trans men are female BUT.... if their profile presents as male then some women would be uncomfortable. How would they know it was a transman per se? Also, why would they want to join a largely, be definition, female group? If they have had chest surgery then it wouldn't be the right place to get support, surely?

10pennychews · 22/11/2020 21:20

This is a no brainer if several admins have stepped down, your not happy other people won't be happy just set up a new group. Cost nothing.

Smallsteps88 · 22/11/2020 21:22

My husband came to the actually physical breastfeeding group with me when I went for the first time.

How did the other brand new first time post partum mums feel about that?

Original poster
user643899 · 22/11/2020 21:22

@Duckwit

I still don't get your problem with transmen being allowed in the group - they are female?
As said, it isn't solely regarding transmen. It's regarding transmen and transwomen. I take issue with it for reasons stated above regarding intimate photos etc.
OP posts:
Original poster
user643899 · 22/11/2020 21:25

@Backbee

Of course but I would presume that by allowing men that a greater proportion of men would be in the group

Well yes, but allowing men in general in and allowing transwomen to join are 2 seperate issues. The latter will likely have their 'new' name on the profiles, has someone been vetting members to confirm they are female so far? I am all for women's only spaces and am GC, but failing to see the real issue here. If they are letting all men join then yes, although the majority likely do want to learn more and are 'genuine' it changes the dynamic of the group and I would say I was unhappy too. If you're unhappy with both transmen and transwomen joining it seems odd as TM are biologically women.

Yes, they filtered through to allow females only. The new proposition would just allow anyone presumably, as doing otherwise would be discriminatory.
OP posts:
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