advice on a male teacher at DDs school please

[happydappy2]

My DD in year 9 used to have a wonderful female PE teacher who went on mat leave & might not come back. Currently a young male teacher has taken over and the girls feel uncomfortable when he watches them doing PE. One of them has looked at his social media & seen who he is following on instagram....lots of female body builders who pose in skimpy barely there bikinis (as is normal for body builders) but also some young women who pose in a very sexualised way in barely there bikinis....lots of boobs & bum on show. (Not topless but good as.) One girl has asked me if that is appropriate for a teacher & I'm struggling with how I feel about this. I would have thought all teachers have to have squeaky clean social media or set it to private. I've asked the headmaster for his views but wondered what others thought-am I over reacting or is this not really OK?

The Head has got back to me & is reminding all staff that their social media should be private, for their own protection. I think this is right (& am surprised it was not already policy.)

We will see how things go-but the damage has already been done-the children have seen the sexualised images and already feel uncomfortable around him. A good female PE teacher would be my preference for this age group of girls. They are not looking to get out of PE, they want to participate but not feel wierded out by their teacher.

Kids naturally check out social media, I remember doing it in the days of myspace, it makes sense to either set it to private or post, like etc very little content.

I ‘teach’ very young children (rugby tots), but I have to follow the SM standards, mine was already private (and I don’t use it a great deal), I do have a specific rugby tots public page, but I always double check when I’m posting that I’m definitely using my rugby tots one and not my personal one.

Generally if your SM is public ask yourself how the average parent would react to the content on there.

Be honest @SimonJT you don't have the 'average parent' in mind when posting... you always have a specific, pain in the arse, never wholly logical about anything their Precious did or said, or didn't do! That one parent becomes your Spiritual Guide in all things SM

I wouldn't be happy on 2 points.

The girls intuition/discomfort is valid

His objectification of the female body doesn't seem to fit with him teaching vulnerable teen girls.

His SM should be private but he is a young male so presumably follow young women? It doesn’t mean that he fancies year 9 girls. I have a year 10 boy and there are lots of rumours about pedo- teachers all the time. I feel sorry for male teachers. Such an exposed position.

Hmm. My view is coloured by the fact that every single male PE at my school was a perve. All of them 'dated' girls at school aged 14, 15, 16. There were tonnes of incidents but it was accepted as normal in those days. One of the PE teachers used to walk around with an erection. It was fucked up.

I think if the girls feel creeped out then that's upsetting for them but it's hard to know what to do about it. I would definitely expect the HT to pull him up on his gross SM at the very least.

I don't really see why they have to have a male PE teacher at that age and I wonder what happens with changing and any issues with periods etc. I feel that for safeguarding reasons there should be a female teacher present. Maybe if other parents feel the same way, you could bring those concerns to the HT?

Really? He’s following body builders and fitness models and you’re making out he’s a pervert?

Sorry but I think you’re being really unfair. He’s a PE teacher, following women into fitness is to be expected. Maybe he followed female runners and gymnasts and male sports people too but they didn’t pick up on that? Sorry but I think you’re being unfair.

His SM should be private but he is a young male so presumably follow young women? It doesn’t mean that he fancies year 9 girls. I have a year 10 boy and there are lots of rumours about pedo- teachers all the time. I feel sorry for male teachers. Such an exposed position

Urgh there's always one

Men can look after themselves and also be expected to behave appropriately. In fact the majority do. My dds have had male teachers and male swim teachers akd sports coaches and never ever have they come home complaining they made them uncomfortable.

Nor do they need pity because they ogle women on Instagram, forget to lock their accounts and then act surprised when their class are uncomfortable with that.

Why is our bar of acceptable behaviour so sodding low that something clearly inappropriate still renders him the victim and the girls whiners who just want to get out of pe

Ffs

If he was a female and was following lots of young males into fitness would you have complained? I doubt it.

@BullBailey

ABSOLUTELY YES! I would be all over that because amongst lots of young boys this would be seen as a triumph. It isn't.

I don't want people losing their jobs because of their social media use, but he should ensure the pupils can't see it.

More important to me is that we live in a society in which girls are constantly being groomed -- by social media, influencers, pornography and the adults who pretend to be teenagers online. Girls are being accept whatever men want and to ignore their self-defence instincts.

In this society, men demand the right to use women's single-sex facilities, and juries believe killers who say their girlfriend wanted to be strangled. Girls and women need all the defence they can get.

So please let your daughter know you believe her and want her to continue telling you of her concerns. You may not be able to do anything about this teacher, but DD needs to know you're hearing and believing her.

Have you actually seen his Instagram OP?

[quote chickenyhead]@BullBailey

ABSOLUTELY YES! I would be all over that because amongst lots of young boys this would be seen as a triumph. It isn't.[/quote]
So if your son came home and said ‘my female PE teacher is following male body builders and fitness models on Instagram’ you’d honestly contact the school?

Bull Of course I have! Read my opening post, I describe what the child showed me on the teachers SM.

@BullBailey

Yes I think that I would if it was sexualised the way women are, yes. Professional standards apply to all teachers don't they?

Even without Instagram if my son felt creeped out by her behaviour, I would highlight it.

@BullBailey

If he was a female and was following lots of young males into fitness would you have complained? I doubt it.

Yes I would. I'd want her HT to be telling her the same as they would tell him!

It's not about anyone being a pervert! FFS!

If you had read the thread you'd see most pps commenting about professional standards and PROTECTING HIMSELF against such stupidity! Same for your purported female teacher!

@happydappy2 no you haven’t, you’ve said what the child has said they’ve seen, you haven’t seen it personally, that’s not the same. What if they are sports people and fitness models?
You’re all jumping to the conclusion he is some kind of pervert.

@CuriousaboutSamphire I have read the thread and there seems to be a lot of people calling him creepy, so he’s, it is exactly that.

What if a couple of Year 9 girls said they were ‘weirded out’ by a female teacher? Would you still think they shouldn’t have to feel like that?

Do they feel the need to snoop around every teachers social media and judge just them by who they follow?

Honestly, I think you’re being over dramatic. Teenage girls are known for being over dramatic, there’s no need to encourage it. The teacher hasn’t done anything wrong, so really you’re just asking to discriminate against him because he’s a man. If he had posted inappropriate pictures then you might have a point, but you’re talking about people he follows and what pictures they are choosing to use. This is a ridiculous reason to have something against a teacher who again, hasn’t actually done anything wrong.

Bull I have seen it personally & have described what I saw-how you know what I have & haven't done is marvellously clever of you.

@happydappy2 you didn’t say that though, you said that one of the girls has seen it and described it to you, so I am going off what YOU have said. Now suddenly you’ve seen it? You didn’t say that though previously?

So many PE teachers were ‘perverts’ when we were at school, men and women. Of course they actually weren’t, but it’s a common thing for kids to say. I just think you need to be very careful before making such accusations towards someone. You haven’t even said why they’re are ‘creeped out’ by him, you’ve said because he watches them do PE...that’s his job!
there needs to be more context before you make accusations. Yes he should make his social media private, but I think you’ve massively over reacted here and pointed the finger at someone who doesn’t sound like they’ve done anything wrong.

Anyway, you’ve made your complaint now so I guess it doesn’t matter.

I worked in the sports industry and know lots of young male sports teachers and coaches. They are typical lads but very very professional when they were teaching.

I think this is why SM is so bad on so many different levels. Random people can stalk the shit out of you and turn was you’ve posted in to something awful.

I wonder if the girls ( or parent/s ) found his SM and have started an unfounded mini hysteria over it. Year 9 girls are the worst year to teach.

I hope what the girls are saying is true as you’ve now labelled this young man probably at the start of his career as the ‘creepy teacher’

[quote BullBailey]@CuriousaboutSamphire I have read the thread and there seems to be a lot of people calling him creepy, so he’s, it is exactly that.[/quote]
Yes! The girls he teaches think he is creepy! That's what led to and was then reinforced by them scoping out his SM account. Had he locked it down they would not have had that reinforcement.

That's why many pps have also pointed out there are 2 issues here:

His use of SM, which he needs to deal with immediately!

The girl's perception of him: which also needs to be dealt with. They need to be reassured that they are allowed ro have and should feel safe in verbalising their feelings to appropriate adults. That is always a very delicate line to tread

But that doesn't mean that he IS in any way a danger to them! Just that he is new, young and has taken leave of his senses with his SM!

What anyone thinks about any man who collects pictures of scantily clad females will depend on their personal experiences. Another reason for him to lock down his account!

Tbh I’d put money on it OP stalked him after finding out about him. Found his page then started asking the kids questions.

Then tries to get him sacked.

@CuriousaboutSamphire which is why I asked for context. The OP says he is creepy because he watches them do PE, but that’s what he is paid to do? How does he creep them out exactly? It needs more context before making serious accusations.

Yes he should lock down his social media, but labelling him creepy and pervy is just not okay when so little is known.