advice on a male teacher at DDs school please

[happydappy2]

My DD in year 9 used to have a wonderful female PE teacher who went on mat leave & might not come back. Currently a young male teacher has taken over and the girls feel uncomfortable when he watches them doing PE. One of them has looked at his social media & seen who he is following on instagram....lots of female body builders who pose in skimpy barely there bikinis (as is normal for body builders) but also some young women who pose in a very sexualised way in barely there bikinis....lots of boobs & bum on show. (Not topless but good as.) One girl has asked me if that is appropriate for a teacher & I'm struggling with how I feel about this. I would have thought all teachers have to have squeaky clean social media or set it to private. I've asked the headmaster for his views but wondered what others thought-am I over reacting or is this not really OK?

There is a middle ground surely.

The mum talked about the social media I think? And head reminded the teacher to lock it.

The is he creepy or not. Who knows?

On one side though it seems to be. Well, not a lot to be done but thanks for telling and keep an eye. I mean clearly 'some of the girls feel uncomfortable when he watches them' isn't something anyone will act on.

The comments about it from a LOT of posters on here are very much in line with society so I suppose not surprising but it's FWR so a bit depressing. I don't need to go back over all of the things that have been said about the motivations, honesty etc of girls who again, no one knows. And also a lot of stuff about how this (anonymous) man's career will be ruined etc etc.

I am a strong believer in girls (boys everyone) listening to their creep radar. A lot of people have said yes that's important but in this situation it somehow doesn't apply as the girls are certainly incorrect etc.

But the point is that if the first time a girl says to an adult, X makes me feel uncomfortable, or so and so did this and it seemed a bit odd, it whatever. And the adults (parents) etc respond whether overtly or subtly with. He's not done anything wrong. You shouldn't gossip like this. Poor chap he'd be mortified if he knew! And don't mention this again- there could be consequences. And I mean really what's going on- you all fancy him/ have taken against him haha. Forget it. Let's go and do something else.

This is how children learn to keep anything and everything to themselves.

And how they learn that it's important not to make any judgements about men they feel are creepy because it's not fair to do so.

After all the scandals with sex offences against children and in some cases adults where when they were brave enough to tell they were turned away.

The knee jerk of oh girls lie. Imagine stuff. Are manipulative awful etc. Is to my mind too strong. Have we learnt nothing?

There is a middle ground of well feeling uncomfortable isn't much to go on but thanks for telling me, keep an eye out for your friends and talk to me any time

And

Hmm. Girls this age are bitchy liars who set out to ruin men blah blah.

I know society feels this way. Year 9 is 13ish. The age of girls in Rotherham who the authorities saw as child prostitutes, or back a few years as 'groupies' and etc.

Yes children can be awful.

The way that girls are spoken about on this thread though is. Makes you see how it all works.

out of interest

If some 13 year old boys said Mr X makes us feel uncomfortable the way he looks at us while we're doing PE, and we looked at his social media and it's full of young blokes doing weights in skimpy shorts, and also young blokes in not many clothes doing sexy poses and nothing to do with sport.

I assume the answer is the same? No problem. Imagining it. You don't like him because xyz. Stop stalking him on social media etc.

Genuinely interested. Is it the same answer for the boys?

@NiceGerbil

out of interest

If some 13 year old boys said Mr X makes us feel uncomfortable the way he looks at us while we're doing PE, and we looked at his social media and it's full of young blokes doing weights in skimpy shorts, and also young blokes in not many clothes doing sexy poses and nothing to do with sport.

I assume the answer is the same? No problem. Imagining it. You don't like him because xyz. Stop stalking him on social media etc.

Genuinely interested. Is it the same answer for the boys?

It's a ridiculous question. And you've embellished the original story- it wasn't "the way he looks at us" - it was simply watching the class.

My answer to a boy who told me this would be I'd want a lot more information than the teacher was just watching his class.

And unlike the OP , if there was more to it I certainly would not be pursuing matters behind the backs of the parents of the other children.

'the girls feel uncomfortable when he watches them doing PE'

I dunno.

I'm not that invested in digging down into the op tbh. Maybe it's bollocks. Maybe it's not. Same as maybe man is creepy. Or not. Or the girls have got it in for him. Or not.

None of us know. Talking about unidentified people on social media will not impact on anyone in real life.

We all have our lens when we read, based on our experiences, viewpoints etc.

Through my lens. I see a lot of people who know about teaching saying locking down SM is a basic. And included in teacher training. From the start. Which I'm not surprised about. Children are often very interested in their teachers. I remember with lockdown my DD saying ooh with the Google classroom you find out their first names! I think it's probably quite a common thing hence the training.

Also of course because as a teacher you need to be trusted and kind of bland, private. Because you have a load of children who you are in contact with who come from all sorts of backgrounds and have all sorts of stuff going on and teachers do need to be neutral surely. Hence the general thing that teachers have said, locking down your social media is a basic obvious trained in thing.

Anyway. On this thread we have had posters saying well that's his business and the girls/ or whoever were in the wrong for looking. The word stalking was used.

People look others up all the time. On here I've learnt it often happens when getting near a job. My parents have done it. It's not my thing but it can hardly be rare.

Yet there are posters with the view that, rather than him adhering to what are apparently standard guidelines. Any children who googled him are out of line and stalky. And their parents should tell them that they're being out of line and not to do that.

So a teacher doesn't adhere to what is apparently standard practice. But that's ok, children should never Google teachers, that's wrong.

If I was a teacher I'd have my SM locked tight. It's in basic teacher training from the word go apparently. But actually anyone looking should be told they are in the wrong...

I thought about this earlier and thought no.

But as it's been raised I'm going to have a quick search.

What are year 9 girls like? (13/14)

Year 9 girls are the worst year to teach.

I’ve taught year 9 girls before and they are the worst year for this kind of behaviour.

year 9 girls can be the most unfriendly in terms of being a new teacher, to me it sounds like they’ve got a vendetta against him and they are trying to use his gender against him.

Sounds to me the opposite. Sounds like normal teenage girls who actually fancy the young pe teacher.

I'm all for acting on instincts and think the gift of fear should be required reading for all women and girls but honestly this sounds like teen girl bitchiness to a new teacher/resistance to change

Teenage girls can be very bitchy and nasty if their behaviour is allowed to go unchecked. Teach your kid to not make nasty insinuations about people nor to join in when her friends do.

Probably more.

I don't think, although happy too be corrected, as it's a long thread. That anyone has said wow it sounds like he's up to no good for sure...

The instinctive attitudes about girls like ^ are very entrenched and lead to situations where harm is being done, being fobbed off. Or girls learn not to say anything. And definitely learn that it's not fair on men to listen to creep radar. And so stay in situations where they don't feel comfortable thinking. As per a lot of posts on here. He's not done anything wrong. It's not right to judge people. Etc etc

I don't understand, quite simply. The depth of feeling from some, about people they know nothing about. That the girls are, well. As quoted. Including lots of teachers it seems.

For all we know this guy is indeed very creepy. And the girls radar is not off.

So I would say to DD. Ok how you feel isn't going to do anything but thanks for telling me. Keep an eye on you friends and talk to me any time. Job done. No big excitement. No one sacked etc.

But the language used about the girls, who no one here knows. The certainty.

I know the general public feel like this but to see it on FWR is shit tbh.

Why are 9 year old girls on Instagram anyway...

@TheSunIsStillShining

Or maybe the girls know that this is their free ticket out of PE class. As important as it is to hear them out, let's not jump on the bandwagon immediately. Re: his social media. That is his own business, not yours. I agree that it would be better to set it to private, but you don't go checking your doctor's sm

Yes indeed. Quite normal for a man to appreciate a women's body however it is seen by a bunch of shit stirrers. They searched for him. That's creepy!

For the millionth time, Winter.

They are not 9 years old. They are Year 9, so 13 or 14.

They can be on social media from 13. Many are on earlier.

They also don't need to be "on" Instagram to be able to see people's accounts when the person hasn't set the account to private (because he's an idiot). The children can simply type in his name to Google and they will be able to see his social media accounts.

Quite normal for a man to appreciate a women's body however it is seen by a bunch of shit stirrers.
They searched for him. That's creepy!

My fucking god.

Absolute batshit, this thread.

This is a TEACHER, a male teacher, teaching TEENAGE GIRLS. No, it is not OK to have a male teacher publicly, on social media, "appreciating women's bodies" when the (uncomfortable, impressionable) teenage girls he is teaching PE to can see it.

The op did not say he was doing anything other than looking at the girls.

The male teacher can do whatever he likes in terms of appreciating grown women on his insta.

His mistake was not locking it down so the girls couldn’t see who he follows.

The op was wrong to lie and change her story here about what happened.

The op was also wrong to go to the school about only the insta of there was more to it.

The op was also wrong to talk to the children about it and not let their parents know.

@NiceGerbil

out of interest

If some 13 year old boys said Mr X makes us feel uncomfortable the way he looks at us while we're doing PE, and we looked at his social media and it's full of young blokes doing weights in skimpy shorts, and also young blokes in not many clothes doing sexy poses and nothing to do with sport.

I assume the answer is the same? No problem. Imagining it. You don't like him because xyz. Stop stalking him on social media etc.

Genuinely interested. Is it the same answer for the boys?

Yeah, I’d genuinely imagine so. I know you’re trying to argue that this is rampant misogyny because people don’t instantly condemn the teacher for more than the SM blunder but I don’t think it would be any different if it were boys.

If you look at my Instagram, I follow lots of women who sometimes pose in bikinis or whatever. Often for fitness inspiration and sometimes because I know the person in question. I’m bisexual (not that it’s particularly relevant really) but i don’t follow these women to perv on them - I follow them because I admire their bodies and want to be inspired to improve my own. That is all. I’d be gutted if someone insinuated that this made me unfit to be around teenagers. Why the hell should it? I also follow male fitness accounts, again for tips and inspiration rather than because I fancy the person.

Also, if the sexes were reversed and it was a male teacher as per your example, I’d be worried that the teacher’s sexuality (as I would assume that a man following lots of scantily clad males who weren’t sports accounts was probably gay or bisexual) was being used to suggest he was a danger to young boys. I thought we’d left this way of thinking in the 1970s.

The point is that who he follows on Instagram has nothing to do with his suitability to teach. Nothing. Judge him by his behaviour in school but not by who he chooses to follow on social media.

Yes, his mistake. He has made a mistake. One which has caused some issues for the girls he teachers and now at least one parent. Because now they are having to view the other information through the lense of knowing he is a young man who has a keen interest in looking at sexualised images of young women, and doesn't even have the sense, or ability to recognise appropriate boundaries, to lock down his personal social media activities.

I don’t do insta but I do have Facebook. I have my DD and some of her mares on there.

They pose is skimpy clothes and some of their poses are sexually provocative.

Does that mean I’m not fit to be a teacher?

*mates

@Kcar

I don’t do insta but I do have Facebook. I have my DD and some of her mares on there.

They pose is skimpy clothes and some of their poses are sexually provocative.

Does that mean I’m not fit to be a teacher?

Seems like it according to the posters here . It’s incredibly common for young women to have scantily clad photos on social media. If he’s young too, these could be his mates from uni for all you know.

That’s exactly my point.

No one knows his relationship to the young women he follows.

Yes he was wrong not to have his insta closed down tight.

But other than that it’s all a load of fuzz over nothing. And I know that because if there was anything to it the op would’ve taken that to the school not the insta.

Fuss. Too early. Fat fingers. Cracked screen.

knowing he is a young man who has a keen interest in looking at sexualised images of young women

Don't most men?!

I agree most teens have pouty crop top photos on their social media - no evidence he had pouty teens though, almost certainly fitness 'babes'.

Anyone who doesn't think the girls have been villified on this thread must have a very low opinion of teenage girls, so all the comments and name calling seem "normal" to them.

I don't even understand why ,really. The only thing that they did which isn't quite right is looking up the teacher. But we know that happens. Parents are even worse for it. That's why SM policies and guidance are the way they are in schools. And it turns out it was a boy anyway that showed OP.

It's OP that made insinuations,comments like "exposing young girls to sexualised images ", who went to the head etc.

@ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble

Anyone who doesn't think the girls have been villified on this thread must have a very low opinion of teenage girls, so all the comments and name calling seem "normal" to them.

I don't even understand why ,really. The only thing that they did which isn't quite right is looking up the teacher. But we know that happens. Parents are even worse for it. That's why SM policies and guidance are the way they are in schools. And it turns out it was a boy anyway that showed OP.

It's OP that made insinuations,comments like "exposing young girls to sexualised images ", who went to the head etc.

The girls aren’t the issue here. The only person who should be criticised is the OP.

ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble
The big difference to me is between:
A) dismissing how the girls feel because they're year 9 girls and girls of thay age are bitchy etc
And
B) agreeing they should trust their gut and report anything untoward, whilst also advising caution
a students of that age can be prone to whipping up drama and creating stories about staff.

A is utterly unreasonable.
B is reasonable to me. I've heard countless tales about staff thay have come from students and there's been no merit in it, but it doesnt mean we shouldn't listen to others when they have concerns

I think the issue is that the teacher has done nothing wrong here beyond inducing a vague feeling. If, for example, the girls had said that he had made inappropriate comments to them, I would advise immediately reporting this and I’d hope the school would investigate and remove the teacher from teaching that class until the investigation is complete. So my issue is certainly not that all year 9 girls are liars. However, you’d be an idiot to disregard the fact that vague rumours are often spread at schools and that most of them are untrue. You’re doing nobody any favours by immediately rushing to condemn any teacher who is the subject of such rumours, especially if the details are incredibly vague and the whole class claims to have the same feeling.

I haven’t dismissed the girls.

I haven’t villified them or said anything.

I still think the op has handled this wrongly.

Ha ha Kcar, you seem to be very insistent that the person asking ‘is this appropriate?’ Is in the wrong.

Considering you didn’t start the thread you really are persistent in blaming me. Which is.....odd.