10yo son accused of being transphobic, help me write to school

[flowery]

I am trying not to be too angry, but my 10yo came home yesterday saying I'd be pleased to know what he said about transgender at school. It was a discussion amongst his friends, not with the teacher present and not as part of a lesson, and he'd said it was not possible to change sex.

Apparently one of his friends said he was transphobic for saying so. He doesn't seem worried and doesn't want me to make a fuss, and it doesn't sound like it was said to him in a nasty way. But I'm not happy.

I've got no reason to think the school is teaching any gender woo stuff, I don't think they're particularly 'woke', but I want to check. I'm also not sure what to do about the accusation. I don't want my son to feel he can't express a view or say biological sex is real without someone else accusing him of any kind of 'phobia'.

He's not shy and is popular and quite a strong character, but that's not the point.

I have the new government guidance so I am planning to write to his teacher, probably in a 'not making a fuss don't want to get anyone into trouble' kind of way, just asking how they teach this subject and reiterating that I would like to be sure that it is clear to children that someone disagreeing with them isn't a phobia, that it is is not literally possible to change sex, and that differing opinions are perfectly fine.

I seem to remember someone somewhere linking to some kind of table done by the NHS where it says it's not possible to change biological sex. I can't find it, does anyone know what it was and perhaps have a link?

Plus any thoughts on how best to handle it would also be appreciated.

Yes I think it was the British Medical Association or similar. It does say that. Hopefully someone has the link.

Put away your pen.

He made a point, someone else disagreed with him. That is life.

Do not blow this out of proportion. They are children experimenting with having their own ideas and views. He needs to hear views that are not prevalent at home. It is how he will learn what he himself thinks. He has no problem with that and does not want you to make a fuss. Does that carry any weight with you, or are you prepared to ride roughshod over his views?

Jump down off your soapbox and leave it be.

I would also refer to the new government guidelines which suggest that political views which aren't evidence based should not be taught as factual in school.

But yes as long as the school didn't reinforce it, maybe just discreetly check up on what and how they are teaching.

Honestly I'd ignore and wouldn't involve the school. What one 10yo says to another in the playground when it's not said in a nasty way......I just don't think the teacher should get involved.

I totally agree with what your ds said btw, and it does sound like he's strong enough to stick up for himself. So I'd just have a conversation with him that he isn't transphobic.

Ffs it was a discussion between two kids. I’d be more worried your son coming home saying you’d be pleased with what he said. Sounds like he said it to impress you and hasn’t been given opp to develop own opinion.

One of his friends said he was transphobic, not a teacher
I would leave it until there is a problem

@Mischance

Put away your pen.

He made a point, someone else disagreed with him. That is life.

Do not blow this out of proportion. They are children experimenting with having their own ideas and views. He needs to hear views that are not prevalent at home. It is how he will learn what he himself thinks. He has no problem with that and does not want you to make a fuss. Does that carry any weight with you, or are you prepared to ride roughshod over his views?

Jump down off your soapbox and leave it be.

Perhaps I was not clear. It's not that someone disagreed with him. I am of course fine with that, and with him hearing alternative views. I'm not an idiot.

What I am not fine with is him being accused of being transphobic. Same as I would not be fine with anyone accusing him of being racist, homophobic or misogynist when he is not.

I have no intention of doing anything that will result in an issue between the children, but i do want to check that the school is not doing anything which will reinforce what this child has said.

@JacobReesMogadishu

Honestly I'd ignore and wouldn't involve the school. What one 10yo says to another in the playground when it's not said in a nasty way......I just don't think the teacher should get involved.

I totally agree with what your ds said btw, and it does sound like he's strong enough to stick up for himself. So I'd just have a conversation with him that he isn't transphobic.

Yes I agree, I don't want the teacher to get involved. I just want to make sure it's not being reinforced.

Wow your son is intelligent, if he was mine I'll be really proud. Good on him x

@Ereshkigalangcleg

Yes I think it was the British Medical Association or similar. It does say that. Hopefully someone has the link.

thank you

I think it's fine to enquire into how this issue is being taught, and it's what many women here have been encouraged to do as a matter of course by Transgender Trend and Safe Schools Alliance.

@Fcuk38

Ffs it was a discussion between two kids. I’d be more worried your son coming home saying you’d be pleased with what he said. Sounds like he said it to impress you and hasn’t been given opp to develop own opinion.

Not at all. He's well aware that on this subject there are an awful lot of people who receive abuse or even lose their jobs when they speak up and that many others are as a result intimidated from doing so. He knew I would be proud that he didn't agree or stay quiet just for an easy life. Which I am.

Ten year old kids call other ten year old kids " transphobic"?

Really?

Christ.

@IwishNothingButTheBestForYou2

Ten year old kids call other ten year old kids " transphobic"?

Really?

Christ.

So it would seem. Depressing!

I agree. He didn’t say she’d be pleased with what he said because he ‘didn’t stay quiet for an easy life’ at all 🙄

So the teacher wasn't involved at all?
I probably wouldn't write to the teacher about this. Both students are entitled to their own option in a discussion between them, surely.

I'm pretty amazed that 10yo kids have a proper understanding of what it all means tbh.

Is it something you discuss at home a lot?

I think you are absolutely doing the right thing to use this as an opportunity to have the conversation with your son's school to explore their position on this. Fingers crossed it will be a positive conversation and as you and your son are obviously aware of the consequences that others are suffering for saying the same things, it will be useful if the school can put your mind at rest that if a similar situation happens again, there is no risk of the school taking the opposite side and criticising your son for stating a basic biological fact.

Sadly, in this day and age, it is not a given that he wouldn't be told off for that statement and, while I've no idea how they get this thinking past the school Biology Department, if the school has been Stonewalled, that doesn't seem to be an issue for the ideologists.

@MrsSpringfield

So the teacher wasn't involved at all? I probably wouldn't write to the teacher about this. Both students are entitled to their own option in a discussion between them, surely.

I'm very certain I didn't say students aren't entitled to their opinion. Quite the opposite. I would just like my son to continue to feel comfortable expressing that opinion, and in the event accusations of transphobia were being reinforced by the school if someone states that it is not literally possible to change sex, I would be concerned that confidence would be diminished.

I wonder what message you give him at home for him to come home and say you’d be pleased with him saying a person couldn’t change sex.
It sounds very much like the narrative you’re feeding him at home is transphobic, rather that neutral. A ten year old doesn’t just develop these views without input from someone.

I would be concerned too, simply because at the moment, racist incidents are recorded and monitored separately from other incidents in schools, and there may come a time when lobbyists manage to get “transphobic” incidents recoded in a similar way.

We’ve all seen how even on this forum, people saying you can’t change sex are accused of being “transphobic” by some posters.

As an aside, I’m actually stunned that we are now in a position where we have to reference an official document in order to back up the known truth that humans can’t change sex.

@JenniferSantoro

I wonder what message you give him at home for him to come home and say you’d be pleased with him saying a person couldn’t change sex. It sounds very much like the narrative you’re feeding him at home is transphobic, rather that neutral. A ten year old doesn’t just develop these views without input from someone.

You seem to think that people can change sex.

How strange.

First World problems 🙈

I wonder what message you give him at home for him to come home and say you’d be pleased with him saying a person couldn’t change sex.It sounds very much like the narrative you’re feeding him at home is transphobic, rather that neutral

I imagine she's given him the message (also known as a fact) that humans can't change sex. That's not transphobic and I think you know that.