10yo son accused of being transphobic, help me write to school

[flowery]

I am trying not to be too angry, but my 10yo came home yesterday saying I'd be pleased to know what he said about transgender at school. It was a discussion amongst his friends, not with the teacher present and not as part of a lesson, and he'd said it was not possible to change sex.

Apparently one of his friends said he was transphobic for saying so. He doesn't seem worried and doesn't want me to make a fuss, and it doesn't sound like it was said to him in a nasty way. But I'm not happy.

I've got no reason to think the school is teaching any gender woo stuff, I don't think they're particularly 'woke', but I want to check. I'm also not sure what to do about the accusation. I don't want my son to feel he can't express a view or say biological sex is real without someone else accusing him of any kind of 'phobia'.

He's not shy and is popular and quite a strong character, but that's not the point.

I have the new government guidance so I am planning to write to his teacher, probably in a 'not making a fuss don't want to get anyone into trouble' kind of way, just asking how they teach this subject and reiterating that I would like to be sure that it is clear to children that someone disagreeing with them isn't a phobia, that it is is not literally possible to change sex, and that differing opinions are perfectly fine.

I seem to remember someone somewhere linking to some kind of table done by the NHS where it says it's not possible to change biological sex. I can't find it, does anyone know what it was and perhaps have a link?

Plus any thoughts on how best to handle it would also be appreciated.

If he is old enough to get involved in (or even start) discussions about changing sex and whether it is possible, then he is also old enough to understand that a lot of people will say he’s transphobic to deny that sex can be changed.

I don’t think you can have these discussions with him, be happy for him to make these kind of points at school, but then get up in arms and contact the school when he gets called transphobic. You know full well that some people will regard what he said as transphobic and you can’t expect the school to stop people having that reaction. Your job is to explain to him why some people think that and why they are wrong, so he can respond at the time.

Don’t involve the school unless there is evidence he is being bullied or similar for his views or unless there is evidence the school is teaching TWAW type views.

I think OP has the right to find out how this issue is being taught in her child's school as are any parents. I think it would be best to keep this incident between two school friends out of that enquiry.

...and eresh is happy to answer questions, I've noticed.

I generally am. Always, when they're in good faith.

Did you see my question?

Yes, but last time I answered it, I got deleted, no idea why as I told the truth, maybe people didn't believe me or summat, who knows?!

In answer to your question (MN, seriously, check me out if it gets reported, you'll know I'm genuine, I really do have a teenager!)
When the subject came up with my teen (as there was someone trans in his year) he said is it possible to change into the opposite sex?
I said not possible to literally biologically change sex, but we can still accept and see people as trans and refer to them as the sex they want to be.
Words to that effect anyway, it was a year or so ago now

@Fcuk38
Ffs it was a discussion between two kids. I’d be more worried your son coming home saying you’d be pleased with what he said. Sounds like he said it to impress you and hasn’t been given opp to develop own opinion.

100% this.

The OP tries to imply the pride was that her son spoke up but this doesn't tally with her first post.
He doesn't say she will be please he spoke up but ' pleased to know what he said about transgender at school.'
It is quite clear that he thought she would be pleased that he made the comments he did and not the fact that he made comments or that he even thinks they are true himself.
You actually do , from my view come over as very controlling. Another pupil disagrees with your son and you want to ring up the school to make sure they are being taught what you think, your son deems it necessary to tell you that he is saying things you will like?!?
I assume that your son didn't reply was because he knew it was a joke comment or that saying that he was just repeating what his mum says would have got him laughed at.

@Quaagars

Did you see my question?

Yes, but last time I answered it, I got deleted, no idea why as I told the truth, maybe people didn't believe me or summat, who knows?!

In answer to your question (MN, seriously, check me out if it gets reported, you'll know I'm genuine, I really do have a teenager!)
When the subject came up with my teen (as there was someone trans in his year) he said is it possible to change into the opposite sex?
I said not possible to literally biologically change sex, but we can still accept and see people as trans and refer to them as the sex they want to be.
Words to that effect anyway, it was a year or so ago now

That all sounds perfectly reasonable, but you do realise there are many who would consider your views (as expressed to your son) to be transphobic?

But I don't use my children to spread my views, i let them form their own and discuss with them where they might go wrong.

Ooo, that's one of those irregular verbs isn't it?

I let my children form their own views and discuss with them where they might go wrong

You use your children to spread your views

He/She/It brainwashes their children

That is interesting. Are you saying it is not 'Gender' with which Transpeople identify, but sex? If it is sex rather than 'gender' then it is not societally determined rôles which constitute the identity, but a biological state?

Isn't is gender in the Act, though?

I said not possible to literally biologically change sex..

Have you said that on Twitter? You'd get lynched!

Have you said that on Twitter? You'd get lynched!

No because I'm not on Twitter (well I am, but I never tweet about trans issues )

Meh. It was a discussion among friends, not a taught topic. He wasn’t given any punishment by a teacher, if he wants to express opinions, he should expect people will disagree with him. You’d be better placed giving him tools to debate it rather than emailing the school about it. I’m surprised he didn’t have a response explaining why he didn’t think it was transphobic, if he is so well read on the subject.

You won’t help him by butting in and getting over involved with what was simply playground chat.

I think OP has the right to find out how this issue is being taught in her child's school as are any parents.

It wasn’t part of any lesson.

I let my children form their own views and discuss with them where they might go wrong.

And teach them to critically evaluate what they are being told. That is so very important when as they get to secondary their friends become a font of misinformation.

if he wants to express opinions, he should expect people will disagree with him
You’d be better placed giving him tools to debate it rather than emailing the school about it

Exactly

[quote chickenyhead]@8Blibbyblobby

**Ooo, that's one of those irregular verbs isn't it?

I let my children form their own views and discuss with them where they might go wrong

You use your children to spread your views

He/She/It brainwashes their children**

Are you feeling ok?

Can I get you some help?

Maybe put the bottle down for now.[/quote]
Awww, you are lovely

@Winesalot

Exactly.

I don't agree with my DD14 on gender issues, she has researched and reached her own conclusions.

My DS 11 has transgender friends, he doesn't know yet fully what that means, so we have yet to go in to detail.

They were both raised to make sure they know the facts and options before assuming that they are right. They also have manners and basic human decency. They don't enjoy hurting people to score points.

They don't enjoy hurting people to score points.

A little ironic given your reply to me - I guess you decide not to raise your kids with your own values?

@Blibbyblobby

I have no idea what you are on about

I just don't

I would have perhaps advised my son that expressing his opinion, whilst valid, was not always a necessity, as it can make his life more difficult than necessary, or hurt people who hold different views unnecessarily.

This is what is wrong with our world today:
"Don't voice an opinion"
"Don't say anything that might be problematic"
"Having a different view is literal violence"

Yeah, I can't be doing with that.
And surely you regret the over use of necessity/ary/arily. Come on.

[quote chickenyhead]@Blibbyblobby

I have no idea what you are on about

I just don't[/quote]
Taking a wild guess at your ever so charming put the bottle down comment.

[quote chickenyhead]@Blibbyblobby

I have no idea what you are on about

I just don't[/quote]
Then let me break it down for you.

You said to me:
"Are you feeling ok?
Can I get you some help?
Maybe put the bottle down for now."

Then in your very next post stated how your children "have manners and basic human decency. They don't enjoy hurting people to score points."

Luckily I'm pretty robust so I just laughed at you, but if you don't see implying someone is in distress and drunk isn't hurting them to score points, you need to take a good look at yourself.

Be better next time.

It's the op kicking off because she doesn't agree with another child's opinion.

@Blibbyblobby

Erm...OK will do.

I did not understand your post, the one I answered that way. It makes no logical sense to me.

But that you, I think.

Ooo, that's one of those irregular verbs isn't it?

I let my children form their own views and discuss with them where they might go wrong

You use your children to spread your views

He/She/It brainwashes their children**

What does this mean please?