I've lived with more than one addict and while I don't believe Amber Heard to be a saint, I find it really hard to believe the story Depp is spinning. There's just no way he can be as innocent as he claims. It would make his reactions and behaviour unique among addicts.
It's impossible to deny at this stage that Depp was an alcoholic who habitually abused marijuana, cocaine and MDMA, often alongside the booze. Alcohol and cocaine seems to have been a favoured combination of his. This combination is known to increase depression and aggressive behaviour. Personally I've known people to start fights on it, to hit total strangers on it, and in more than one case, to hang themselves while on it. It's a dangerous combination that brings out the absolute worst in people.
The idea is that the coke will bring you "up" and counteract the depressive effect of the alcohol, but it often has the opposite result, hard wiring you into a heightened state of negative emotion. I suspect the MDMA was Depp's attempt to counter this, but MDMA burns through your serotonin stores in one short burst, leaving you depressed and "flat" for days or even weeks afterwards, as your body tries to rebuild those stores.
Then there's the marijuana, and I think we all know the side effect of too much marijuana. Just in case you don't: it's paranoia. Everyone is out to get you, everyone thinks the worst of you, everyone is lying to you.
So, a man addicted to and habitually abusing these substances is depressed, aggressive, and paranoid. It doesn't matter what he was like before. He really could have been a sweet, gentle soul who wouldn't hurt a fly. But then he began abusing mood-altering substances. And over time he lost his ability to feel happiness. He became angry and negative in his thinking. He came to see his wife as an enemy rather than a partner. He found it easy to believe she was cheating on him. He belittled her, tried to frighten her by smashing objects around her, and treated her roughly. At the very least. We know these things. We've seen evidence of them, lots of it from Depp's own mouth.
We know he chased his wife around the house like something out of the Shining, scrawling on the walls with the top of his own cut-off finger. This is not normal behaviour. It points to a man whose addiction is completely out of control. But now he's talking about this period in his life as if he had rock solid self control and the patience of a saint. Every time Amber behaved in a provocative or violent way, we're told, Johnny withdrew to a corner or went off and read a book. He never once retaliated and harmed her, not even when he was completely off his head on mood altering substances.
It's this poor little lamb act that makes me think he's guilty. He's an addict and they're not capable of reacting like that.
My father was an alcoholic. Just alcohol. He was a gentle man when sober, and never hit me. But if he was even moderately drunk, he would shout at me (right up in my face), "gesture" with knives and tools, smash my things, punch the walls, loom over me, drag me by the arm, push me roughly aside, call me stupid and a bitch, make fun of my mannerisms . . . you name it, he did it. And all of this was with me managing him as best I could. Agreeing with him or getting out of his way or being careful to show no reaction. If I had put it up to my dad in any way - if I'd screamed at him or hit him - I have no doubt whatsoever it would have ended with him lashing out at me. And my father was not a "bender" drunk. He was slow and steady, tipping away at a bottle for most of the day. Now picture Depp. He's my father, but with added drugs, and it's all hit his system at once, and someone is actually attacking him. He didn't take that meekly . There's just no fucking way.
You know what I bet he did do though? I bet he sobered up and refused to believe what people told him of his actions. I bet he tried to justify them. I bet he denied them, and accused anyone who didn't have proof of lying about it. I bet he gaslit everyone around him, until they started to record his actions. And then I bet he got angry, and accused them of setting him up and violating his privacy. Or provoking him. And if he couldn't defend his actions, I bet he broke down in tears. Insisting this isn't who he truly is. Remember how gentle he used to be? How kind? That's the real him, and it's cruel of anyone to claim his one mistake erases that. It's really vindictive. And anyway, if you really loved him, you wouldn't get up on your high horse and judge him. You'd forgive him and try to help him.
And then next time, when you haven't saved him from himself, he can leave off holding himself accountable for his actions and project all that blame onto you instead.
This is what addicts are like. It's how they think and behave. I've known too many of them, and they're all the same. They really are.
There's also the bonus, scary side effect of long term substance abuse, which is that their memory is affected. They can often swear something didn't happen and really mean it. They really don't remember. Even if it happened ten minutes ago. (This also causes them to repeat themselves, so you get trapped in the Never-Ending Argument. Living with an addict is a special kind of hell.)
My father did seek help eventually. He's been sober for years now, is completely non-violent, and takes accountability for all his past actions. But I think a lot of people would refuse to believe he was capable of the things he did back then. They wouldn't be able to picture it. He never even raises his voice anymore. But it's all true. I live with those two dads in my mind. The old one and the new.
I suppose my point is: don't underestimate addiction. It's a monster, and it can make a monster of anyone.