So Male violence....
A couple of years ago a group of seven friends and myself met up for dinner.
Later in the evening one of the group told us she'd started going to therapy.
The reason was her relationship with her partner was in trouble because she was having issues with intimacy following a sexual assault.
Her (then) partner had paid for therapy because it was her responsibility to get over it so he could have the sex life he deserved.
The lack of compassion was breathtaking but the message clear - the impact of male violence against her was her problem to resolve.
End of tale? Actually no.
Following this revelation all the women that night spoke about their experiences of male violence.
Guess how many of us had never experienced it?
None.
Yes, that's right. Every single woman that night had been on the receiving end of male violence.
Yes there were degrees of abuse from rape to a drunken slap or being held tightly whilst shouted out and left with bruises but none were acceptable.
How many of us had reported it?
None.
We're a pretty diverse group of women so put simply other than being female there were no social, economic, academic, racial or cultural factors that explain our experiences.
The common factor is that we were all female.
Men have no idea just how common this is nor how under reported it is.
They've no idea how hard wired it becomes for women to trust your gut and behave "defensively".
So when people advocate that women's safe spaces should be sacrificed to make a minority of men feel better of course I'm going to ask why.
I'm also going ask why are we discussing what a woman is? We know the answer to this question even if In the pursuit of purity and identity politics we want to abandon all scientific evidence.
Why are we not actually discussing what a trans woman is and why they want access to female spaces because those are the key questions?
Are you a TW when you put on a dress and heels? Wear lipstick or indulge in an other deeming trope about what it means to be a woman?
Is because it's a Wednesday and and you feel like a woman today even if your full beard might suggest otherwise.
Self ID isn't limited to people who have transitioned or even intend to transition.
The idea that some men won't exploit this is ridiculous.
Let's also be clear that having a GRC doesn't mean you don't have a fully functional penis.
So what's the bar here? Exactly who apart from women should be in female spaces and participate in female sports?
What's the "magic" that makes some men women and how do we identify them from men wishing to exploit women?
The crux of this issue isn't transphobia it's male violence and the reason men want access to female spaces is either to (ironically) avoid male violence themselves whilst further exposing women to it or perpetrate it.