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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

"My 15 yr old trans son is going through menopause - and I'm so proud of him"

398 replies

bettybeans · 18/04/2020 02:49

http://www.essentialkids.com.au/health/health-wellbeing/my-15yearold-transgender-son-is-going-through-menopause--and-im-so-proud-of-him-20200416-h1nfe0

Christ almighty. I have been trying very hard not to go in heavy on parents of trans kids who make decisions that I simply don't understand but this whole situation just brought out absolute fury. The way she speaks about this process just enrages and saddens me in a way I can't adequately articulate. It's quite simply terrifying. I feel like I'm reading about a baptism or something.

This kid didn't stand a chance and it's absolutely heartbreaking.

OP posts:
HorseRadishFemish · 18/04/2020 12:45

.. I read an article today that “princessing” little girls, by the wider family and society but especially by their fathers, was a part of them not developing mentally robustly..

I intuitively "knew" that to be the case but have never been able to put it into words. Would like to read that article; any chance of a link?

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 18/04/2020 12:47

Child abuse. It really is.
And looking at the mother's website she has removed a rival "ladyhuman" maybe..?

Giggorata · 18/04/2020 12:49

All I see is a parent listening to their child and understanding that some people feel they were born in the wrong body and want to live their life as man/woman.

Parenting a child also involves protecting them and making the right decisions for them until they are adult, on a sliding scale of autonomy.
It involves protecting them from making choices that may harm them or are irrevocable.

Datun · 18/04/2020 12:59

All I see is a parent listening to their child and understanding that some people feel they were born in the wrong body and want to live their life as man/woman.

You can listen to your child, who has developed gender dysphoria. Of course. And empathise.

What they haven't done is been born in the wrong body, and they can never become the opposite sex.

And if you, or anyone else, and explain to me how 'living as the opposite sex' doesn't exclusively involve stereotyping, I'd like to hear it.

Seriously @ThisIsMyStory1. Maybe you're new to this, but just think about it. In your head, just list the things the person would have to do to live as the opposite sex, and see exactly what they are. And what they are telling you about how someone views the 'opposite sex' and therefore their own sex. And why they might feel it's 'wrong'.

Hagisonthehill · 18/04/2020 13:01

It is not normal for 15 year olds to be happy and comfortable in their own skin.I predict this child's happiness will not continue,still being unhappy and later realising you have ruined a healthy body you could have lived in rather than one that will never be able to achieve much in the way of normality or function no matter what it looks like.
I feel unutterably sad for this child.

forsucksfake · 18/04/2020 13:03

My question is, how do they (and who are they?) manage to convince a seemingly intelligent mother (for all her ladyhuman magazine nonsense) that her girl can magically become a boy? She is my contemporary, and nothing in my educational history and socialisation would allow me to accept such unscientific nonsense. I just cannot wrap my head around it. At a certain point in life, I was willing to use the pronouns and call men women and vice versa to humour them, but never for a minute did I believe they were the opposite sex.

SarahTancredi · 18/04/2020 13:08

I'm gonna a put this here so everyone can see just how every single normal teenage feeling is attributed to gender dysphoria.

"My 15 yr old trans son is going through menopause - and I'm so proud of him"
Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 18/04/2020 13:11

Me too, forsucksfake. If this child had started starving herself and exercising compulsively would her mum go along with that - agree that she's fat and needs to lose weight, search out counsellors who won't challenge her daughter's thinking, insist on appetite suppressants being prescribed? I don't see this as very much different.

Winesalot · 18/04/2020 13:12

Thanks for posting that SarahTancredi. It covers most of the feelings I had as a teen.

SarahTancredi · 18/04/2020 13:15

Its even more common today given the use if phones and social media.

Home is no longer the safe place away from bullying etc that it used to be...

No one plays out any noreneityer they are all online playing games.

ThisIsMyStory1 · 18/04/2020 13:17

Do you think there's any possibility of there being 'real' trans people? I say this just because a lot of the comments in this thread seem to think there's not?
I think there's some confusion over hating your body and true body dysmorphia, my understanding is that trans people feel trapped by their biological features, such as breasts and penises and therefore want to get cosmetic surgery to change that, or use hormone blockers to stop breasts growing etc
The dysmorphia has had cases of people mutilating their own bodies because it disgusts them so much and doesn't feel like 'part of them' and like it's a foreign object on their body.

They know they're not going to be able to carry or produce a child if they transition fully, but they do want to live their life as that gender and be accepted as that gender and I don't see anything wrong with that? If people know of all these risks and dangers and yet they're still desperate to go through with it, doesn't that show how miserable they are that they're willing to take that risk?

I've also seen a lot of people saying they'll never 'pass' but I think that's so untrue? A popular YouTuber was making videos for 10 years and only recently told the world she was trans, people didn't have a clue! She had blockers and surgery very early on as she felt she was born a girl (biologically i obviously understand the differences)

I'm just really torn. I trust medical professionals, it's modern medicine and it's gone through stringent processes where they must inform the patient of side effects. I think if you've never felt these feelings in the way that trans people do, do you have a right to police it? I want to protect children and make sure they're safe but I don't think saying this mother should be reported to SS is correct? She's done exactly what her child needed by taking him to a medical professional.

OneEpisode · 18/04/2020 13:20

Hi Horse this isn’t it, I’m on another device now, but it’s reporting the same research study in Australia and the Netherlands.
It’s correlation because without human trials then can’t probe causation!
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/study-finds-link-between-dads-who-treat-daughters-like-princesses-and-anxiety-20180109-h0feqb.html

SarahTancredi · 18/04/2020 13:25

Sadly the medical professionals have been trained by the likes of certain lobby groups themselves.

Many trans people accept their biological sex . What you can achieve with make up, filters and above neck shots van be deceiving. In the flesh theres a very good chance tbomgs would be different.

You do have to ask yourself why middle age male bodied people with successful careers and families behind them are so keen to have young people put on drugs etc. Drugs they never took so never had the side effects and never had the IQ drop. They made a successful life out of being one thing then made a.living out of being something else after.

They want to deny the kids the cure basically. And over 80 percent of kids left alone desist after puberty. Put on blockers and they all go onto cross sex hormones. The second they get that injection there is no going back. Would you trust a kid as young as 12/13 who cant even legally buy a.lottery ticket to determine their whole future

CaroleFuckinBaskin · 18/04/2020 13:26

Hang on, that Mermaids slide?

So Mermaids are telling parents and children that a diagnosis of ADHD or autism could actually be gender dysphoria just 'wrongly diagnosed'? WTF? What have they got to back up that extraordinary claim?!!!

DaydreamingDay · 18/04/2020 13:28

The mother says in the article, 'What the world needs is people who are comfortable being themselves...' as her daughter takes dangerous medication in a completely futile attempt to change her sex.

Do these people even HEAR themselves?

Oliversmumsarmy · 18/04/2020 13:33

And as parents we should be listening to our children with open hearts and plenty of love. But not to agree to treatments that have not been proven to be safe for this use

I would say in this mother’s case not to agree to treatment until you have at least read the literature/side affects/allergy advice on the drug that you are injecting into your child’s body

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 18/04/2020 13:33

The brain doesn't fully mature until the mid 20s even when you go through puberty in the normal way. You can't make an informed decision about whether you want to have children when you're in your early teens. At that age you can have no idea what it means to have a normal sex life, far less whether you might be asexual or able to accept being celibate. Most kids who eventually accept that they are gay/lesbian may have an inkling early on but often take a long time to accept it. This particularly applies to lesbians as there are so few role models for them.

In any other context, hating a body part so much that you threaten to try to cut it off or damage it would be seen as a sign of extreme mental distress requiring treatment by competent health care professionals and possibly drugs. We wouldn't be signing that youngster up on a pathway to eventually getting the healthy body part removed.

nauticant · 18/04/2020 13:34

Do you think there's any possibility of there being 'real' trans people?

The focus of many on this thread is that most children having identity-related problems during puberty will come out of them with support or counselling without having to be sterilised.

The point is that a very small percentage of children whose identity problems in the form of gender dysphoria are very severe does not mean that care shouldn't be taken for the greater number of children with resolveable problems not to end up sterilised and lacking sexual function.

forsucksfake · 18/04/2020 13:35

ThisIsMyStory1 Are you here in good faith? Are you reading the posts and links? Are you answering any questions put to you?

SpillTheTea · 18/04/2020 13:37

I don't get it. Does she want a medal for damaging her child?

IAmReportingYouForBBQing · 18/04/2020 13:46

I spent 5 months on zoladex ( very similar) at age 39 to fix my fibroids. I was told by the consultant that I would never have a period again.... for a woman that was losing 100ml a day , every single day for 6 months and was housebound because of it- that was all I needed to hear. I dismissed the side effects as " I'll be fine, not worrying ".

After the crippling night time hot flushes, mood swings, nausea, head aches etc I could just about cope. Then at 3 months my labia because tissue thin and even walking would cause tears. I was told to use a lubricant. Seed was impossible and within 2 weeks it started going pale. I saw a female gp and she told me it was atrophy and I should have been offered a form if hrt. I started it that day but it can't undo the damage, it's just paused it.

I feel like the nerve to my pelvis has been cut. I have gone from a very active satisfying sex lie , to feeling nothing. If I manage to orgasm now it's the equivalent to a week sneeze. My husband approaches me for intimacy and I shrink away in horror but not because I don't want him. Even the idea of sex is unpleasant and I hate it. I've also started leaking urine a great deal more.

Needless to say I didn't take the final 6 month injection. My periods are back although still very heavy and inconvenient but I will poser through and hope they stay around for a long time yet. Worst thing I ever did was take a hormone blocker.

testing987654321 · 18/04/2020 13:46

If people know of all these risks and dangers and yet they're still desperate to go through with it,

Assuming you are here in good faith, what other decisions should 15 year olds be allowed to make?
Would you accept a 15 year old being sterilised because they definitely didn't want to be a parent and they were threatening self-harm if you said no?

R0wantrees · 18/04/2020 13:49

Do you think there's any possibility of there being 'real' trans people? I say this just because a lot of the comments in this thread seem to think there's not?
I think there's some confusion over hating your body and true body dysmorphia, my understanding is that trans people feel trapped by their biological features, such as breasts and penises and therefore want to get cosmetic surgery to change that, or use hormone blockers to stop breasts growing etc
The dysmorphia has had cases of people mutilating their own bodies because it disgusts them so much and doesn't feel like 'part of them' and like it's a foreign object on their body.

Of course all people who identify as trans are real.

Some people's dysmorphia is focussed on limbs. They also describe experiencing considerable distress & in some cases seek amputation. In UK a surgeon in Scotland carried out limb amputations. The practice was subsequently ruled unethical & prohibited.

February 2000 Guardian
(extract)
"A surgeon who amputated the healthy limbs from two psychologically disturbed men at their request said yesterday that he saw nothing wrong with his actions and that he was disappointed he would not be able to carry out such operations again.

Robert Smith cut off the lower legs of two patients, one from England and one from Germany, during private operations at Falkirk and district royal infirmary. The men had been turned away by surgeons across Europe before Mr Smith agreed to operate.

Mr Smith said, however, that he did not want to specialise in the procedure. "The last thing I want to be is a world centre for cutting off arms and legs."

The two men were suffering from an extremely rare form of body dysmorphic disorder known as apotemnophilia. Those suffering from the disease have an obsessive belief that their body is "incomplete" with four limbs and will only be complete after amputation. In most cases of apotemnophilia the desire to be an amputee is linked to a form of sexual arousal, but Mr Smith said there was no suggestion that any of his patients were motivated by sexual urges.

Following an internal investigation, Forth Valley NHS trust has now effectively banned Mr Smith from carrying out further procedures on people suffering from the disorder. Private hospitals have also refused to allow Mr Smith to carry out the procedure.

Mr Smith said he had six more patients waiting to be considered for amputation, two of whom had been fully assessed by psychiatrists as suitable candidates. The disorder takes over patients' lives and Mr Smith said that one of his patients had already tried to persuade friends to shoot off one of her limbs.

"My fear is that someone will injure or kill themselves," he said. "I have very serious concerns that they will go to an unlicensed practitioner or take the law into their own hands and lie down on a railway line, or take a shotgun." (continues)
www.theguardian.com/society/2000/feb/01/futureofthenhs.health

Malcolm Clark (a documentary film maker) describes the background to this & parallels:

Threadreader
(extract)
When did I first realise that extreme trans ideas are dangerous nonsense? Doubts started when I filmed with April Ashley, Britain's first transexual. She was described as a pioneer and so she was but also a heroine since she'd married a minor Scottish aristocrat who divorced his wife to marry her. I met the aristo's family whose lives she'd ruined with tabloid scandal when her 'marriage' was annulled. She never once showed any sympathy and made it quite clear she was never in love... (continues)

"Later I was asked to help out on a BBC Horizon, (I'd directed a number of shows for the strand) on a film about people who believed they were 'meant' to be amputees. I interviewed an otherwise seemingly normal German guy who wanted both his legs cut off below the knee..

A Scottish surgeon did the op. The psychiatrists who approved it were all schooled in trans ideas and used trans type arguments. 'He would commit suicide if we don't do it', they said. They also claimed they carefully distinguished people like him from 'mere' fetishists
But it was quite clearly easy to fool the psychiatrists. If they needed fooling that is.
I spent a lot of time with the German guy and a strange tale of an ...unusual.. upbringing emerged. His parents had, for example, owned a factory producing 'prosthetic limbs' and he complained 'they'd never had time for me...only for their patients'. Mmm.

Horizon later made an insightful film about John Money, the founding father of 'gender' identity ideas.. whose disastrous notions led to the suicide of a man whose parents had been advised to bring him up as a girl.

I therefore tried to get a Horizon commissioned that would explore openly the science of trans. Could someone really be born in wrong sexed body? (continues)

"The ironic thing, 20 years on... from the making of that disturbing Horizon is that the scientists and the psychiatrists may have unwittingly been on to something but just not in the way they thought they were. People who think they are "meant" to be amputees may share some... condition with those who want to remove their breasts or their genitals.For me now lesson of the film is that the psychiatric and surgical professions are as hopelessly unable to safeguard interests of trans people, as they were of wannabe amputees. Indeed they have a .. vested interest in "identity" confusion." (continues)
threadreaderapp.com/thread/1155458088964636675.html

ThisIsMyStory1 · 18/04/2020 13:56

@testing987654321 & @forsucksfake I truly am here in good faith and I'm reading as much as I can. I'm also reading the Guardian article about the doctor's resigning due to concerns that hormone blockers were being given too easily.

And @testing987654321 about the sterilisation, my first instinct was 'obviously no' but then I questioned why I felt like that. A lot of teenagers these days are going to have a much more informed view of the world because of media and general knowledge. They'll know about climate impact, how men control abortion laws and how raising children can come with a lot of complications that not all parents expect (I myself have two disabled children)

I do wish more permanent birth control was available at a younger age to all genders. If they make that decision and have researched it and gone through all medical avenues with doctors and sexual health specialist then I couldn't find too much to disagree with except maybe that it should be from age 16(18?) rather than 15 because sex isn't legal at that age anyway.

But being transgender doesn't have any age limit, and there are trans people who live life without the gender stereotypes of their identified gender, it's the physical attributes of their body that caused the issues, not just because they wanted to wear a dress

Justhadathought · 18/04/2020 14:03

Do you think there's any possibility of there being 'real' trans people? I say this just because a lot of the comments in this thread seem to think there's not? The dysmorphia has had cases of people mutilating their own bodies because it disgusts them so much and doesn't feel like 'part of them' and like it's a foreign object on their body

If by "real" you mean that it is actually possible to be trapped in the 'wrong body', then no...... Negative feelings about oneself, and one's 'identity', & disgust to the extent that you want to self mutilate are mental health issues. Not a sign of 'being trans'.

and there is now plenty of evidence that young people, especially, are going from one mental health issue to the next before coming out as 'trans'. Anorexia is one example. And that particular condition also causes feelings of disgust at one's own body.

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