Just had a blazing row with dd

[steppemum]

So, dd is gender non binary, has changed her name and want sot use them/they pronouns.
This is the end of a long process of about 4 years, she is 15.

I am supportive up to a point (she can call herself what she wants)
But I have gently pushed back against the theory behind it, as I am GC.

We have just had a blazing row. She said that 70% of the victims of DV were men.
From a 'very big and respected men's rights group' that have 'proved' that these are correct and that men's rights don't get any media attention, like the poor bloke who died in Australia at the hand of his wife and she didn't go to jail.

I'm afraid I flipped my lid. Lost my temper and gave a a full force lecture about feminism and the oppression of women. Gave a her a load of statistics about number of women killed every week by their partners, about women begging for help with stalkers who then kill them, about the 2 families in the UK killed since lock down began by the MEN, about how as a women she will face, discrimination, glass ceiling, physical danger, etc etc, because whether she likes it or not she is a WOMAN, and women have faced that since the beginning of time, and so no, my heart doesn't bleed for the poor menz. She said in divorce women always get the kids, so I mentioned all the single mums whose feckless partners bugger off and leave them with no money and no support holding the baby.
She gave me a load more fake statistics from her men's rights group. which she can't name.

I am so so fucking angry. I hate the fucking internet.

So, apart from my crap parenting, does anyone know the men's rights group she may be refering to, and can anyone counter these statistics with facts? Not just police report facts, (they are apparently all biased) but does anyone know how I can dig behind her facts to see where they come from?

steppemum

I think that last poster's post was either goady or misinformed and they didn't read your posts.

How is everything going now with you?

Hope things are better.

Well, actually lockdown seems to be good for us. We've had lots of conversations about lost fo things. Haven't returned to the DV topic, but that is fine.
Dd (maybe I shoudl say dc, so as to be non binary) is a musical fan, so we watched The Phantom of theOpera on youtube last night together, which was great. I discovered she knows all the words!

(for those that don't know, youtube are featuring one full length music per week, we watched Joseph 2 weeks ago, Phantom this week, can't remember what is coming up next week. I want to see Cats!)

OP - sorry if you've already answered this but as regards the DV have you asked your daughter to explain why there is a huge disparity between dead female partners and dead male partners?

Really glad to hear you’re getting some respite from it all and sharing some close times with your DD. Sounds like good medicine, and it will definitely stand you in the best stead for any future difficult conversations.

steppemum

I didn't know that about the musicals on youtube thanks for that.
That's great to hear you are having good one on one with time with your DC :)

So sorry for you to be going through this, and glad that you have had some good time.

Can I just ask, and this is in no way saying you are her mother are at fault, but do you know why she has decided that a men's rights group in Australia are the only source of "true" information? ie is her friendship network or something that has decided this.

Because as others have pointed out there are so many web sites, not just UK , but global giving stats on the number of women who die more domestic violence. I think it is said to be higher than the number of deaths from war / conflict.

Not sure that this train of thought helps, but trying to think of coming at it from a different angle rather than just saying look at the facts. Is there one person who she looks to as being worth listening to. Too often mums can come quite far down the list of who to listen to, not because they aren't worth listening to but society implies they aren't. And even though mums are worth spending evenings with cooking and singing.

Maybe in fact she was impressed by your passion, but might find it difficult to say she might be wrong. But slowly over time .... ?

Would she see any of these people as being someone to listen to www.womensaid.org.uk/about-us/who-we-are/patrons-and-ambassadors/

Did you see this thread. About how Magdalen Berns videos changed another mumsnetters daughter? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3886276-Magdalen-Berns-and-my-19-year-old-daughter-she-saw-the-light