Transphobic DD.

[Viennabreathes]

I’m fuming as I type this so I apologise in advance for typos/mistakes.

DD3 came home from school today a bit flustered. I’ve got out of her that her and some friends were discussing trans rights/issues in Ethics today (it’s a compulsory class they take but not an actual GCSE so it isn’t too structured and the teacher lets them debate whatever they see fit if it’s in a controlled manner).

One of DD’s friends said if she was a rape or domestic violence victim she wouldn’t feel comfortable having to share a prison cell or
changing room with a trans woman. A girl in their class immediately stood up and shouted at DD’s friend, calling her a transphobe and telling her that she’s ‘uneducated and completely misinformed’.

DD stood up for her friend and this led into a bit of a debate, from what DD and her HOY have told me, DD said the following:
-‘If you have a penis, you’re a man. It’s simple’
-‘Can you be quiet for a second and let someone else get a word in? You keep interrupting and calling us transphobic to shut us down as you can’t bear us having different opinions’

I got an email from DD’s Head of Year today saying that she has an hour detention next Monday due to an ‘incident’ which happened in this lesson today.

DD was honest with me. This same girl called her a ‘cis girl with no fucking brain cells’, to which DD replied, ‘I’m a girl, not a fucking cis girl. If you think people can identify as trans, I identify as a woman. Not a cis woman.’

Yes DD swore. But after being spoken over and provoked for 30 minutes.

I don’t see why she is in this much trouble and she tells me when the Head of Year spoke to them both, she was forced to apologise to the other girl (if she didn’t, she would have been kept out of lessons with this girl until she did) etc.

My child is not transphobic and frankly, I agree with most of what she said.

AIBU to email her HoY and book a meeting to discuss and support my DD? DH thinks I am overreacting.

I feel you need to educate yourself as it seams your daughter is being very uneducated I think the apple hasn’t fell far from the tree Am I bad, I smirked

Blair White? Could you not take a moment to compare and contrast with Karen White - and then tell us what the actual difference is...

OP give your DD a pat on the back from me too! Way to go, young lady

It's boring and offensive

Yes it does get pretty boring for women, having to re state and re state our rights to

-assemble with other women in peace
-Be housed in prison only with other women
-play in sporting competitions only with other women

• toilet and shower only with other women when in a public facility

-object to kids being peer pressured into dangerous regressive stereotyping and with potentially serious medical and social consequences for those who feel they don’t fit in to the masculinity/femininity binary as expected -speak freely without threat of violence or material disadvantage

A lot of us post about how we would like to spend our time doing something less boring than this instead. We have other important issues to support or maybe we just want to devote time to our own issues.

Also I find loads of genderist stuff very offensive as a woman, even if it were not also being enforced on women coercively- which just makes it even worse.

So while this sexist, homophobic, authoritarian politics is being foisted on women and children, many people won’t feel that they have the luxury of being ‘bored’ by it. They feel it’s more important to speak up because this politics is potentially harmful to individuals, to women and children as a group and to free speech and democratic political process.

Is this what girls are being taught at school?

That you can parrot controversial opinions that insult (and refuse to debate), attack those not holding your opinions, and use terms that have been created to abuse - but if you stand up for yourself and say a swear word you get punished?

The schools are teaching kids odd things these days.

I am just disgusted about the amount of hate spewed at trans people on this site. But what is it that disgusts you?

A person with a penis is a man?
A woman is an adult, human female?
A woman is a woman, cis is redundant/abhorrent?
Women saying no, human being cannot change sex?

Contrast those messages with TRA messages
Suck my lady dick
Die in a grease fire
You'll be called what we choose to call you, but you'll be sorry if you forget to call us what we want to be called
Deserves to be killed [here's her name and address]
Get the bitch sacked [here's her employer's details]

Tell me, what is it in the female message that disgusts you?

And why you choose to be blind to the ever present, very real physical threats from TRAs?

The reason I am sceptical is because this girl is basically voicing all of the offensive transphobic posts on Mumsnet.

But you're fine with rapists of girls like this been put in prison with other young women?

I mean, misogyny is one thing, but the utter incoherence of being offended about a girl's detention, but not about a rapist of girls?

Evidence - alway counter with evidence. Why is that so hard for people to understand.

‘Because I said so - and then I said it again - and then I yelled it and threw in a few insults’ - is not a structured argument. It’s the debate of Twittwersphere.

Cis girl my arse.

Your daughter is brilliant, OP.

Will people never learn that plopping into a thread to shout “transphobia!” then running away just doesn’t cut it as a riposte to posts such as the wonderful one by wellbehavedwomen?

Stop getting your knickers in a twist and let people be themselves.

We're more than happy for people to be themselves.

Its the ones advocating surgery and medication for small children to make sure they are NOT themselves ever again that we mainly have an issue with.

Oh and the rapey ones who pretend to be someone else to get their joliies.

But yes, anyone who wants to actually BE THEMSELVES, go for it.

OP your DD is doing a great job fighting against this madness. Mine is the same and won't just quietly sit by and let people talk utter nonsense without challenging it. Tell her she's awesome

I feel you need to educate yourself as it seams your daughter is being very uneducated I think the apple hasn’t fell far from the tree

Am I bad, I smirked

I certainly snorted, i was going to comment on the irony...but loads of people got there before me

I’d definitely go in and see the Head of Year to find out exactly why your daughter got a detention. If it’s for being transphobic then I would tell them she’s not doing the detention as it’s not transphobic to state biology. 🤷🏻‍♀️ But maybe it’s more to do with how she conducted herself, swearing and maybe there was more? As with all school incidents, get the schools version as well as your child’s and go from there. If they’re going to leave kids to basically debate what they want with no structure, I imagine they have lots of problems arising. I’m also amazed they have time on their GCSE timetable to do a subject apart from PE that’s not an actual GCSE.

They are also not exactly teaching the kids not to bully. I would have snapped too as I get very frustrated when people don’t debate but just repeat unoriginal (and often meaningless) meme-worthy mantras over and over again.

Your daughter is amazing. It would be interesting to hear what they are teaching in science!

@Zoecarter I guess you would be keen to implement re-education camps for all thought crimes. I'm also guessing you have no idea what book that reference comes from, as you're far more educated than me.

Stop getting your knickers in a twist and let people be themselves.

You really don't have a clue about any of this.

@datun

What a ridiculous statement of course I am offended my the rape of girls, are you implying that all trans women grow up to be rapists? What an utterly stupid thing to say.

She isn't implying anything of the sort.

are you implying that all trans women grow up to be rapists?

Of course Datun has done no such thing

What an utterly stupid thing to say.

#NAMALT
'Not all males are like that'

She's pointing out the issues. Have you actually read the OP? That's what the original point was about.

You're back, Cani! Have you got your evidence yet?

are you implying that all trans women grow up to be rapists? What an utterly stupid thing to say. Oh do behave! Nobody reading Datun's post will recognise your wilful misinterpretation of it!

Brilliant post wellbehavedwoman. I am waiting for the counterargument from the posters suggesting we need to be educated. I think I will be waiting a long time.

Well done to your DD, it must take a lot of bravery for a teenager to go against the groupthink.

Not overreacting at all. Speak to HOY.