8 year old boy wants to change with the girls

[FairytaleofBykerGrove]

I’ve been informed that a boy in my daughters class ‘feels like a girl’. He’s been wearing dresses to school for a while (fine) and now wants to change with the girls for swimming. Apparently the children will all accept it no problem and they’d like the parents to do the same. He will be under a poncho towel so we don’t have to worry about his privacy(?) I am really very unhappy with this. Which is why I’m up at 3 in the morning. The other parents I’ve spoken to don’t seem to care either way. I can’t understand it at all. Do you have any advice for me?

8 is when they get separated at ours whateverhappenstheremore.

Just wanted to jump on and say well done OP. It's only if we all raise our voice when it comes into our own orbit that this insanity will be challenged.

Would t bother me at 8 -at that age they can use the girls changing in the leisure centre - once they get to secondary it's a different matter though

In Ireland kids are at primary school for an extra year - OP's daughter is 8-9 so 3rd or 4th class - you're in primary until 6th Class, so might be 12 and still at primary - many of the girls in 6th class at my sons school are well into puberty. So even if you don't think it's an issue now (and I really do), it will be an issue while they're still at primary.

Well done for being 'that parent' Fairytale. I'm lucky I think - when I moved here I fell in with a few of the other infant parents, and I've had these tentative discussions with them, and we're all on the same page (compassionate, but boys and girls exist, and no-one should be medicalising them). I have no doubt that we would all be down the school talking to the head if this was suggested at our (lovely, kind, friendly) school. In fact my DS2's classmate was being praised for being kind, and put next to a boy having issues (also lovely, but currently being assessed for autism, and DS2's classmate was being sat next to him all the time to help him with his work, to the detriment of her own, which she was worried about, but felt she couldn't say because her teacher was saying how good she was for helping the boy). She was finding it stressful, as she is a pleaser and her mum was straight in, explaining all this to the teacher. I have no doubt that we'd all do the same if it was your situation.

You are not alone.

Why are they assuming the gender of all the other children who may simply not be ready to disclose how they feel? And what of the potential children who are gender fluid, how can they erase them?

No, it’s one big changing room and ponchos for all just to be on the safe side. I’m sure there’s spare money that can come from the books/pencils/PE equipment for them given the grave importance of such an item!

I’m sure there’s spare money that can come from the books/pencils/PE equipment for them given the grave importance of such an item!

Ha. Here you buy all the books/pencils yourself (is ridiculous - every parent going out and buying X pencils, Y exercise books etc. Rather than the school just buying 100 and giving one each to the kids which would probably be a lot cheaper), and you give a school contribution (mine's about 400EUR for 2 kids) which pays for school equipment. - Was a shock to the system after UK schools I tell you!

It astounds me that an 8 year old child can call the shots & have all the so called adults pandering to their wishes. He should be wearing the boy’s uniform & changing in the boy’s changing rooms. He can wear what he likes at home but at school they should stick to the uniform. If he wasn’t wearing girl’s clothes in the first place he would probably be ok changing with the boys.
I know someone who had a son who liked to dress in girl’s clothes, actually they were her clothes as she didn’t have any girls herself. He went to school in boy’s uniform & she let him wear whatever he liked in the evenings & at the weekend. He is nearly 40 now & a very well adjusted adult gay man.
Allowing children to cross dress at school is not doing them any favours.

@FairytaleofBykerGrove so has the school said that only the boy will have a poncho and if so why?

They should all change under a poncho then. Why should he get the to hide himself from the girls and the girls not be able to hide themselves.

Why should the girls needs be taken into account.

Why should the girls needs not be taken into account sorry.

Can I just say I identify as a male and get changed with the males at the gym? This shit has gone too far.

Well done Fairy!

I always say I fight this nonsense, so that in the future, if we’ve lost, I can tell my daughter that I fought and did everything i could to protect her rights.

So all those outraged at this also object to women bringing their 8 year old sons/grandsons etc into communal changing rooms as well then? I agree that this will be an issue when he’s older, but he’s 8, plenty of 8/9/10 year old boys are in communal women’s changing rooms seeing women and young girls getting changed and no one bats an eyelid, why is it suddenly unacceptable in this situation? It’s either okay for a young boy to get changed with girls or it isn’t.

I stopped taking my boys into the changing when they were 8. But well done in spectacularly missing the point.

I think that it's slightly different if a young boy is with a parent. Less opportunity for inappropriate behaviour.

But there is regular outrage on MN when there are accounts of boys older than 8 being in women's single-sex changing rooms.

Yes, I agree, Elsie - it’s either ok for a young boy to get changed with the girls or it isn’t.

The boys and girls are separated if changing at this age. So the school itself knows that it isn’t ok for the boys to change with the girls.

A parent may take a boy with them so that they can help them/keep an eye on them/don’t want them alone with men they don’t know - not the same thing at all as a boy wanting to be in the girls room because - why?

Inappropriate behaviour? He’s 8! Presumably they aren’t left unsupervised at that age either, a teacher would be present.

@LynnSchmob and what is the point here? It’s either acceptable for small boys to be there or it isn’t, it doesn’t suddenly become acceptable because his mum took him in rather than a teacher.

Thanks, Stealth, it never ceases to shock me that there are so many adults prepared to sell children down the river.

@Lordfrontpaw so girls’ privacy (which is what the outrage is over) doesn’t matter any more if the parent deems it necessary the boy is in there?

8 is the cut off age for boys being in women’s changing rooms in every gym/pool I’ve ever used, Elsiebear. Never heard of it being ok to bring 9/10 yo’s in, and tbh I often felt very uncomfortable in the past in a women’s changing room even with 7/8yo boys because some of them blatantly stared at women who were undressed. I’ve read others saying the same on here too.

I was also sexually abused by an 8yo boy when I was 7, and “peer on peer” sexual assault (read: boys assaulting girls) is worryingly common, so I’ve no idea where you get this idea that an 8yo boy couldn’t possibly be a threat.

Maybe go and read the thread Elsiebear90 and then come back and tell us why little girls are repeatedly being told that they must be naked in front of a boy because that's what he wants?

elsie

First up there is a rape a day at primary schools.

Second of all regardless of how lovely this particular boy may be, the messages being sent can be and likely will be catastrophic particularly for the girls.

Your attempt to minimise the issue by claiming demonisaton of a small child wont work. Privacy and dignity are major factors.

And no one knows what's happened fo any of the children or the effect of making the girls change with a boy

Well done for speaking up!! For what it’s worth you can ask for the Equality Impact Assessment which takes into account your child’s sex.

Also ask how they are satisfying the statuatory obligations under Section 42 of the Irish Human Rights Act where the students are the users.

Also ask for their risk assessment as required under their Child Safeguarding Obligations and ask for it to be forward planning for children in puberty.

I’d scare the shit out of them.

The child is 8 and all this? There’s no need for an 8 year old boy to change in with the girls. Put the expectation of kindness on the other boys.

Inappropriate behaviour? He’s 8! Presumably they aren’t left unsupervised at that age either, a teacher would be present.

I’ve been a parent helper on school swimming lessons with this age group and I can assure you that for the most part, the children absolutely were unsupervised when they were getting changed. Adult involvement often goes no further than helping with swimming caps (outside the changing rooms) and chivvying them to hurry up at the end.