Men saying that MWC should include male spouses

[Madvixen]

So the Military Wives Choir movie is out this week and I've just read a blog post from a male spouse stating that MWC should become more inclusive and include male spouses and families.

It's made me rage but now I feel guilty for being angry. He's in a really lonely position (there's very few male spouses) but why does that mean he gets to come into a woman's group?

Ahhhhhhh what do I do? Do I reply to the tweet and say what I think or suck it up?

Tell him he can start the Military Husband Choir if he feels so strongly about it.

If he's so lonely and isolated he can start his own male or mixed choir. Women often need the support of other women in a male free space.

He wants a mixed choir, what's stopping him from starting one?

The problem is that there aren't enough male spouses (on any patch) for that to be successful. But for many women, that 2 hours a week is the only chance they get to be themselves. Especially when your husband is away on deployment. There's no kids, no housework, dog walking, house admin etc. Just you and others who understand the situation.

Surly he could find at least three others and be a militry quartet

The clue is in the name. It is a wives choir. Male spouses are husbands. So no, he cannot join.

Just you and others who understand the situation.

You think he doesn't understand the situation if his spouse is deployed?Being a man he doesn't miss her or feel isolated? Do the military deploy women who have children?

Maybe he could identify as a woman while he is attending.

Do we have women in all male choirs? No. We do not. The clue really is in the name.

He could start a mixed choir. Some women might prefer that over the women's choir. Some won't. Hey presto everyone wins.

Maybe a choir to reach those also suffering loneliness? Perhaps reaching out to those that are isolated. He can feel good and less lonely.

Bigfatliar, of course we deploy women who have children. It's the military.

Oh look! Man wants something women have and suddenly they're exclusionary, not kind, blah fucking blah.

I've been isolated before because if my spouse's work, so I have a good deal of empathy for his position. Did I try to force my way into a group that wasn't for me? Nope.

There are a million and one other a ways he can socialise. Even singing, if he wants to actually sing. He needs to do what the military wives did when they started the choir years back: get his finger out and do it. Not complain that the others are being unkind. FFS!

Why does he only want a choir that consists of male spouses of serving women? Why does he not start a choir open to all men with an attachment to the base his partner is serving at?

I don’t think MWC excluded men because it was a women’s group, I think it excluded men because there weren’t any men interested who were at home looking after children with a spouse away on deployment.

Do we have women in all male choirs?

Increasingly they're being told they should. If representing an organisation they shouldn't be seen as excluding anyone. Though I suspect there may not be that many female baritones or tenors (unless they're tans).

Would a lone male voice work though? Unless he is a brilliant soloist/ then the choir becomes his backing group

I feel differently about this. I absolutely cringe at organisations that promote the sexist idea that it’s only one sex doing a particular job. I’ve lost count of the number of ‘doctors wives’ functions we’ve received invites to because some conference organiser assumes everyone in my specialty is a man, and straight. I wish it was just a ‘doctors partners’ outing. It would be far less sexist and support women in my profession.

I hope the wives of my colleagues don’t feel that acknowledging that some of us aren’t men is somehow encroaching on a female space.

What about the choir ‘Only Men Allowed/Aloud’ (not sure which) from the TV show.

Not very inclusive - do women care - nope - don’t give a shit

Silly man, doesn’t he know all he has to do is identify as a woman for two hours a week?

Honestly, why do men want into every female only thing?

I’ve lost count of the number of ‘doctors wives’ functions we’ve received invites to because some conference organiser assumes everyone in my specialty is a man

Medical conferences and related social events is rather different to military life and deployments though.

The men complaining that "wah wah, the women have something I'm not allowed in!" have every opportunity to start their own males only/mixed sex choir/woodworking/nordic walking/needlework/whatever club. In fact right now would be a great time, with all the publicity for the film and such a focus on MH issues.

But no. Women do one thing for themselves, by themselves, men get pissy they can't come in. Twas ever thus.

Does he think that all Male Voice Choirs should be open to women? And remember that there are lots of women who can sing tenor? Bet he doesn't.

If he wants to sing he should go and join a local choir or choral society. They would welcome him with open arms as all of them are terribly short of male singers.

But it's not that he wants to sing, is it? It's anger at the 'naughty girls not sharing' thing, isn't it? Heaven forfend that women should have something of their own.

MWC is for women in the military community- servicewomen can join, teachers, medical staff etc working on military bases, etc. All the music is arranged for alto and soprano, sometimes in three parts, sometimes in four parts.

One base I lived on did have a 'husbands' club- they met in the pub weekly for pool and beer.

I wonder what the attitude would be if a Male choir did not allow women to join.

Sorry, but I completely agree with the man here.

I am very strongly GC with al that is going on, but this choir is for spouses who's other half is deployed.

I think he has all the same fears and worries and concerns. I think he also struggles being a 'single parent' while they are away. If any group were to understand when bad news comes in it would be this one.

I agree with this:

I don’t think MWC excluded men because it was a women’s group, I think it excluded men because there weren’t any men interested who were at home looking after children with a spouse away on deployment.

I don't think this is primarily a women's choir which is being asked to accept men, I think it is a miltary choir for those who know what it is like to have a spouse deployed away.