Puzzled - Philip Schofield

[howwillthispanout]

Sorry if this has been covered already but I’ve been offline all day - has there been any discussion re PS’s announcement today on this board? Especially in relation to wife and daughters

"I think it seems he wishes he wasn't gay, but has denied it all his life and had reached breaking point."
I agree with this PP. It could be blackmail or it could be as simple as he's reached the stage in later life where research says your identity and legacy become a focus and it is harder to make peace with living parallel or inauthentic lives.

Unless his wife was told when they dated, if we get married I will love you and commit to you but also have sexual feelings and desires for sex with men then I feel he was (even if unconsciously) duplicitous.

I wonder how it feels to live with and love someone who, in their heart of hearts, wanted a different life but felt too afraid and shamed by society to seek it from the start. I wonder if you can tell something isn't right all along but can never put your finger on it. I imagine as PS hasn't said he is bisexual, that his wife has missed out on a fulfilling sexual partnership, and hasn't had a life of feeling desired and wanted. This seems so sad to me, especially if she didn't know why things weren't right in that department. Usually if we don't know why it slowly erodes our self esteem and undermines our happiness.

I hope he has been as honest with his wife as soon as he could.

I’d be thinking of my conception. My poor mum thinking she was making love and a baby while my dad gritted his teeth.

Just the way my mind works.

It's all about him isn't it? Me, me, me

Well, that's the thing. As much as this is all a 'big deal' for him, it's just as much a big deal for his wife and family.

Regardless of if they knew for 6 months, 6 years, or their entire marriage, whatever support he needs to deal with it is just as needed by his wife and daughters.

Unless his wife was told when they dated, if we get married I will love you and commit to you but also have sexual feelings and desires for sex with men then I feel he was (even if unconsciously) duplicitous.

Still a problem even if she knew he was gay from the start.

He made a commitment to her for life to be a joint unit.

And the statement reveals she's feels pain and is hurt. So somewhere along the line he's really not thought of her or considered her feelings if it became public.

Which he should have.

Instead he prioritised his feelings, needs and wants without much thought as to how that would work out.

He's a man who married when he was already in the media. He was asked about his sexuality directly before he married. He knew there was a risk that at some point it would all come crashing down one way or another.

Regardless of the different attitudes of the time its still monumentally self centred and with a complete lack of thought for someone who vowed to be your lifelong partner.

If that was my dad/husband - well I think I’d feel angry and as if I’d been living a lie.

But of course these women can only smile for the camera and pretend to be happy families or they will be ripped apart by the media. They will have their faces plastered all over the media - if they are looking happy ‘yay they are all cool with this’ and if they are snapped standing in Tesco with resting bitch face ‘strain shows on face’ and ‘homophobic hell of x’.

They didn’t sign up for this! I’m sure he will be snapped ‘his new life - isn’t he great!’ ‘My new love’ ‘my life has just begun!’

I’m in my 40s. I have many gay friends who came out at university in the 90s and even if they moved in very supportive social circles they still had very mixed reactions from family and wider society. They are all now living happily and accepted but the idea that a children’s presenter could come out then is unthinkable.

One of my close friends, now very happily married, when we were in our 20s said to me that he sort of regretted that he couldn’t be a gay man of the 50s, who married and had kids and a family life, but also went out shagging, so he would have it all. Until I asked him whether he thought that would have been a good life for his lucky theoretical wife; he hadn’t thought of it from that angle at all. I thought of that conversation yesterday.

Given how many people knew that Schofield had sex with men, it is almost impossible that his wife was oblivious, and I really hope this was a situation she went into with her eyes open and has taken what she wanted from the relationship over the years.

@RedToothBrush yes I wasn't meaning this isn't still a betrayal of his promises of forever. I just meant did she consent to this or did he change the terms of marriage.

I just read the BBC article. It seems most of the women were living a lie with husbands having affairs and that's how they found out their husbands were gay. That seems so cowardly and cruel to cheat on your wife rather than face the reality as many people have done for decades.

I don’t get all the fuss
Do people really care who ps shags?
My only passing thought was for his wife ,he’s lied to her and made a fool of her with his decite

shame (can't explain this one)

I don’t think you have to. I would imagine the sense of shame, through no fault of your own, is almost unbearable in these situations.

Oh I hadn't watched the video before. So I think he just announced the end of his marriage and he and Steph will ultimately divorce. Holly asked about future relationships so they have talked off camera about him one day having a partner openly.

I feel sorry for his wife and now hope she gets on with the divorce, they stay friends if she wants but she goes onto meet someone who makes her feel wanted.

I have the perfect solution.

Steph utters the magic words 'i believe I am a man' and voilà, Philip is now in a gay marriage with a gay man. He gets to stay in a marriage with someone he clearly loves in some level, and it will be such a relief to him to have a fulfilling sexual relationship with his husband.

Steph can keep her body, her clothes and if she wants to have days where she reverts to being a woman, that's fine, the just says the magic words, and people will publicly acknowledge how stunning and brave she also is, rather than being very much an afterthought as now.

If Stephanie knew and there were no lies between them as he claimed why wasn’t she there by his side as he revealed the biggest secret of their lives?

Whatever has happened any future she might have planned and looked forward to is now gone and from my experience it takes years to pick yourself up from this. Mentally I never recovered and neither have my two adult daughters. It shook us to the core and the other families I know where this has happened while some children do manage a relationship with their father post coming out, it is very much dependent n the father to make that relationship work. Most of them don't. So hard for our kids, whatever their age.

I'm surprised by some of these responses.
Anyone who has a gay family member or friend knows that coming out is still a huge deal for most people.
Homophobia is rife and open in schools.
Not to mention how the media and public accept it, depends on the image they have - singer, probably ok, wholesome family entertainer, big scandal.

Also, he may not have been deceitful, sometimes the realisation comes out later in life.
I know several women who left their husbands and moved in with other women after having children. They weren't lying to their partners, it was more that they weren't sure, and went along with what society tells you to do, then realised later.

Isn't it possible to deeply love someone even if you're not sexually attracted to them? The notion that marriage must involve sexual relations gave us the horrors of rape within marriage being a legal impossibility (amongst a whole host of suffering that predominantly affected women).

I know several women who left their husbands and moved in with other women after having children. They weren't lying to their partners, it was more that they weren't sure, and went along with what society tells you to do, then realised later.

I know several women like this too. It is generally believed that they acknowledge their feelings for women long after men realise the same thing. Often women only realise it after they have had children.

Lordfrontpaw this is how both my adult daughters feel. They have no problem with his being gay but yes, the lies.

I don’t give a flying fuck who he shags, but am incensed by the talk of “so brave ”; how the fuck is it brave to go bleating on the tv about your sex life whilst your wife and family are abandoned?

And everyone is forced to be “so supportive” lest they transgress the wokery. I hate the world!

while some children do manage a relationship with their father post coming out, it is very much dependent n the father to make that relationship work

Indeed. PS's eldest daughter is in fact his manager, so I suspect is invested in 'making it work'. I just don't think you can extrapolate anything at all from the particular situation PS is in about him, his wife or his daughters, or anyone's motivations.

I feel for his wife and children

Yes she may have known for years and yes maybe he felt he would change

But who would want so many celebrating your husband being honest about your marriage being a lie and so many pitying you it’s humiliating

I think some other story was about to break about him not being such a nice guy (which I don’t think he is at all) and it’s been turned into a media sob story

And (cynic that I am) the timing hasn't passed me by, he's been under a bit of criticism and complaint at the end of last year hasn't he? Why is he making such a public deal out of a very private matter?

I agree, I'm not buying the brave and stunning narrative - the timing is very odd. If he has no intent on announcing/pursuing a new relationship (as he himself said) then why on earth did he feel the need to go public? This could have stayed a private matter between him and his wife and family.

Damage limitation pre-empting an unflattering story in the press, or a desire to be viewed as a brave and tortured soul rather than a unpleasant colleague, however, would both be more plausible explanations. Or maybe he's just a self-centred git.

I'm still struggling to see how announcing you want to have sex with men instead of your wife, is brave.

Maybe it's necessary for him, fair enough, but it's not brave.

Nothing wrong with my previous post! Outrageous

From December

www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/mystery-phillip-schofields-runner-leaving-21062922.amp?__twitter_impression=true

The male runner, who had a close working relationship with Schofe, quit the show earlier this year and is now working on Loose Women - frequently fronted by Ruth Langsford, who has reportedly lodged an official complaint against Phil.

And while ITV has said the runner was promoted, other staff are said to be confused about the move.

"It was odd because they were so close and then he up and went to Loose Women and they didn't seem to be talking much anymore," one insider told the Sun

There’s more on Twitter if you search PS and runner.