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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Not Fitting in with 'Feminine' Women?

104 replies

albertatrilogy · 06/01/2020 08:26

I go to a dance class where, by and large, men lead and women follow. There are fewer male leads than female follows.

In my working life women tend to be quite comfortably and casually dressed, because of the nature of the job. So not a lot of fashionable gear, definitely no heels etc. And I feel comfortable with them.

At dance class I am struggling withe feelings of being a bit of misfit. I absolutely love the dance itself and am a reasonable dancer. But I struggle with the kind of performance of femininity that a lot of the women I attend the class with seem to enjoy. (I feel more like one of the blokes, despite being female and normally dancing the 'follow' part.)

I even find myself wishing the women wouldn't dress smartly for what is mainly an exercise class - because it makes me feel like I'm not one of them. And/or it makes me wish that I was the sort of person who liked putting on lippy on a Sunday night.

It's weird because in most environments I feel much more comfortable with women than men. But not in this class. (Perhaps it's because a lot of the men are around my age. And though they are mostly dancing 'lead', they're not terribly bossy - with the odd exception.) They are being learners, making mistakes, apologising if they get a move wrong etc.

Does anyone else struggle in similar situations? I sometimes feel like the awkward 13 year old at the school disco, while the other girls are laughing in a pack.

OP posts:
ChattyLion · 06/01/2020 23:08

The power dynamics play out rather in the same way that Nazis got Kapos to operate in the camps

Hmm That’s absolutely ridiculous. Seriously.
Endofthedays · 06/01/2020 23:13

The Ramona and Pamela performance is great.

Floisme · 07/01/2020 07:36

Have I really just seen a Nazi analogy on a thread about women dressing up?

Deidre Spart would be proud.

fascinated · 07/01/2020 22:59

I don’t know that there is an issue, strong mummy... I’m on the fence, I suppose, I’m currently thinking about it all.

I just wanted to respond to OP saying that lots of effort/money is needed to look feminine eg she asserted that long hair needed more care.

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