Forced to share a room with a TW

[ILoveJKR]

I am in a quandary and cannot talk about this in real life so I hope some of you can understand. Some background information for explanation.
I have a hobby which is mostly male orientated but which a lot of women indulge in too. The hobby has several different ways of enjoying it, think cycling where you can compete, or go for days out, or challenge yourself, visit museums or exhibitions devoted to this hobby, etc. I also belong to several clubs for this hobby.
I met a TW who happens to like the same part of the hobby as I enjoy, so we are often together indulging our shared interest. I care for TW in the same way as I would care for any human being, but I cannot really say the TW is a friend. We have no shared experiences, TW is a bit awkward and over-sensitive socially and looks and mostly behaves like a man but because we are together so often everyone assumes that we are besties.
I have twice shared accommodation with TW on hobby trips (my choice) but I always get changed in the loo and leave the room when TW gets changed. I'm accepting that people can live however they like but males should not be in female spaces.
So, onto my dilemma. One of my clubs has organised an overnight trip to a competition with 5 men and 3 women and TW. The man organising the trip does not know TW is a TW and the two other women do not know TW is a TW. Their only contact to date is via a watsapp group and TW uses a feminine name.
I know that it will be assumed that I invited TW on the trip. But the person joined my club and booked without ever discussing it with me. Free country and all that, I cannot control who joins what club and who books on what trip, but the organiser has put us 3 women and TW in one room (cheap hostel accommodation). And I know that there will be awkwardness for the other two women when they find out they are sharing with an XY person. And I know it will come back on me because everyone assumes TW is my 'friend'.
This is a real-life example for me that we cannot allow this fiction to continue. Men cannot become women and women should not be forced to share their spaces.

But why do we exclude males who identify as males but not those who identify as females given that they on average act and behave and offend like males? Like isn't that mean to men in general, like making out they are all potential rapists?

I can understand totally sex based separation, I totally don't get gender based separation

Well yes of course soontobe. But the point is that if I’m sharing a room with a trans woman it’s no less risky in terms of assault than sharing a room with a man. Sharing a room with a woman is OTOH almost no risk.

NAMALT and NATWALT of course - yet male violence exists and that’s why female spaces are still important and need protection.

@pegsworth - trans women have the same rates of sex offences as other men, so yes, women are sensible to be concerned about sharing a room with them.

Pegsworth I think you may be misunderstanding the statistics.
In total there will be more attacks by women, because there are relatively few transwomen so if you are attacked it is more likely to have been by a woman than a transwoman. But for any individual the transwoman's likelihood of attacking you is the same as a man's, not a woman's. If you are cool with mixed sleeping areas that's fine, but if you have decided to avoid sleeping in areas with strange men it makes no logical sense at all to be OK with strange transwomen.
You might decide to sacrifice your safety to the tw's feelings and I think a lot of women would because sadly women are brought up to be self abnegatory like that.

pegs “ What does it mean to you to be 'woman', and why is it such a protected status that we are so afraid of someone self identifying as such? ”

It means I’m an adult human female. I’m afraid of self ID because women had to fight for single sex spaces because of men attacking them. Why was it considered such an achievement when we got single sex hospital wards? There are also issues of privacy which is a concern shared by many men.

Re cubicles at work etc, if the sinks are shared, the man who is harassing me can easily follow me to the bathroom.

I’ve no objection if you describe me as being anti men, highly suspicious of men. But accusations of being anti trans are a bit bonkers.

charley50 may I know the source of that stat? I'd like to learn more about that research.

Re the cubicle question - many have inadequate curtains and barriers you could peep through or stick a phone through or under.

Can I clarify I didn't misunderstand the statistics (I work in the City ), I'm waiting to see the source so I can understand the research behind it better.

I suppose my respect for the trans woman's right to self identify trumps that for the bio woman's right to say no

Ah, OK. I, on the other hand, wholeheartedly believe that a woman's right to say "no" to something she is not comfortable with has been ignored for far too long by society, and it is well overdue that we start to respect it. Especially when it comes down to a question of prioritising the rights of a biological male over a biological woman's right to say no - no, that doesn't sit well with me at all.

Tell the organiser that you yourself are trans and ask him to notify the other participants, including the men, that accommodation might be mixed sex depending on availability. No hurt feelings, and everyone knows not to expect single sex accommodation and can decide whether they want to go. Make sure you tell your trans friend that you are trans so he doesn't think it's about him.

pegsworth
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3145470-Break-it-down-for-me

Oh God not the "why aren't you uncomfortable with sharing with lesbians then" argument 🙄 This is going to go the way of all these threads. Yawn.

pegsworth

Lesbians do not assault women (at rates appreciable to men or an different from straight or bi women). They also are socialized as women and therefore are very unlikely to possess the sort of male-typical sexual entitlement that men do. Because They are women. FWIW I would also be embarrassed to be naked in front of a gay man, because he has a male body.

And pegsworth, the linked thread is long but worth reading if you are genuinely interested.

Ah, it's at least five minutes since I've seen it suggested that lesbians are just as much a potential problem to women as men. Fair warms the heart, so it does.

Could you show us the stats you are referring to when you say 'the likelihood of a trans woman attacking you is no higher than that of a bio woman attacking you' then please?
This is the opposite of the research I have seen so I assumed you had misunderstood something.

Pegsworth, could you please answer the Alex Drummond question.

I suppose my respect for the trans woman's right to self identify trumps that for the bio woman's right to say no

WTAF?

Please tell me you didn’t just link lesbians and the male gaze [shocked]

Bloody hell.

There is the information based on the uk jail population that actually implies that transwomen are more likely to sexually assault than men in general, but this may be a result of how the stats for minor offences do not record any trans status..so I will take their word that it's the same rate

then more recently ( search on here over the last month) I think a longitudinal study , Sweden? , which showed transwomen committee offences at the same rate as men

Feminist thinks that something trumps a woman's right to say no.

Thank you for posters who are being kind and taking the time to respond thoughtfully. Others, there's no need to be patronising. I've read the background materials, I dip into these threads, I'm familiar with the basic arguments. I just don't feel they're sufficiently challenged here, it's a bit of an echo chamber.

I'll take myself off now. Thanks again for engaging, I appreciate it.

If I self identify as something different to a transwoman , will you respect my rights also?

Because lesbians are women and understand the word no

Plus they have no biological advantage over me so in a fight I stand a chance

I was too shocked by the lesbophobia to do my shocked face properly.

I think the study may be linked in that thread that was posted. There was a thread about it a few days ago, will try to find...