Forced to share a room with a TW

[ILoveJKR]

I am in a quandary and cannot talk about this in real life so I hope some of you can understand. Some background information for explanation.
I have a hobby which is mostly male orientated but which a lot of women indulge in too. The hobby has several different ways of enjoying it, think cycling where you can compete, or go for days out, or challenge yourself, visit museums or exhibitions devoted to this hobby, etc. I also belong to several clubs for this hobby.
I met a TW who happens to like the same part of the hobby as I enjoy, so we are often together indulging our shared interest. I care for TW in the same way as I would care for any human being, but I cannot really say the TW is a friend. We have no shared experiences, TW is a bit awkward and over-sensitive socially and looks and mostly behaves like a man but because we are together so often everyone assumes that we are besties.
I have twice shared accommodation with TW on hobby trips (my choice) but I always get changed in the loo and leave the room when TW gets changed. I'm accepting that people can live however they like but males should not be in female spaces.
So, onto my dilemma. One of my clubs has organised an overnight trip to a competition with 5 men and 3 women and TW. The man organising the trip does not know TW is a TW and the two other women do not know TW is a TW. Their only contact to date is via a watsapp group and TW uses a feminine name.
I know that it will be assumed that I invited TW on the trip. But the person joined my club and booked without ever discussing it with me. Free country and all that, I cannot control who joins what club and who books on what trip, but the organiser has put us 3 women and TW in one room (cheap hostel accommodation). And I know that there will be awkwardness for the other two women when they find out they are sharing with an XY person. And I know it will come back on me because everyone assumes TW is my 'friend'.
This is a real-life example for me that we cannot allow this fiction to continue. Men cannot become women and women should not be forced to share their spaces.

Would a woman be happy sharing a room with a physical male who they didn’t know.

I would not share a room with someone I don’t know and secondly with a male bodied person I don’t know. So why would anyone think I would be ok to share a room with a trans woman I didn’t know? It just doesn’t make sense.

I don't like sharing rooms with people I don't know. Sharing rooms wit family & friends is difficult enough ...

So OP I understand how you feel.

And someone - whatever their sense of themselves is - who is insensitive to this is just an insensitive person, full stop.

But I've noticed this with some transwomen who transition later in life - people I know (colleagues) and TW in public. They've been socialised as men and they really have NO IDEA about being socialised and conditioned as a girl and woman. No idea. I guess it's part of their mental health condition ...

Whilst I understand what you are saying, the flip side is that it's a dorm room situation and most these days are mixed sex anyway in my experience. As long as your tw friend is respectful and gives the others space to change etc I don't see the issue in this situation - it's not a random person stripped off in the women's changing room

A dorm room?

@lifeisgoodagain - for me, it would be not knowing. If I'm in a mixed-sex dorm I would like to know - and be given a choice not to be in a mixed-sex intimate situation.

Never mind the troll-hunting, this just makes no sense.

OP says TW does not pass.

OP says that no one else in the group knows that the TW is trans.

If these two statements are true, it follows that the TW must present as completely male. That being the case, why would anyone organising the rooms put the TW in with the women, as the organiser will assume the TW is male? And why would the OP need to warn anyone else?

If these two statements are true, it follows that the TW must present as completely male

Not getting the logic

The OP has already said that the organiser and other women have never met the TW

XXstatic, if you go back and read the OP again you will see that this is a one-off group of people who've signed up to go and do an activity. OP doesn't know the other women, the other women don't know OP or TW.
They'll see 'Jo' listed as a room-mate but until they get there and see for themselves they won't know 'Jo' is TW unless the organiser or the OP tells them.

OP, I'd get over being nice and accommodating and contact the organiser and tell him that it's his duty to tell the other women the truth of the situation so that, if necessarily, alternative accommodation can be arranged.

Thanks thatdamnwoman - I had missed the bit about What's App.

ILoveJKR I just wanted to say you sound like a very kind and caring person. I hope it all works out.

ILoveJKR I hope you get this resolved before you go.

Of course you are right to worry that the other women might feel wrong footed.
You are also, sadly, right to worry that they might look upon you differently and spoil the opportunity to make new friends who do your hobby.

I totally get what Kantastic was saying and I was reading the situation in exactly the same way. I think the OP has been gentle and tactful, which is kind. But being gentle and tactful does not mean that there is not a problem; and it is ironic, that to an extent, some of the people on this thread are punishing her for her tact in a similar way to "Jo" by basically behaving as if "if you don't complain you're fine with everything and you can't go back on it now"

I totally get the dynamic of allowing it to happen that you're hanging out with someone you don't really see as a friend, just because it seems to suit them and everyone else - do the "is she your friend or not?!" crew really not get this?