I hope my daughter is a lesbian.

[RhinoR]

She's 10.

She says she doesn't like boys. That one day she will get a girlfriend. She says she has a crush on a girl in her class.

This has me hoping she will indeed be gay.
From my own experiences to those I read daily about young women being abused, coerced and degraded by their partners I fear so much for my daughter going through such things.

Women aren't perfect of course, being gay won't protect her from heartbreak and maybe some abuse at the hands of her partner but I daresay I would sleep better at night.

Is that terrible of me?

And there is nothing 'creepy' about a woman knowing another woman's body - it's pretty homophobic of you to suggest there is

I found it bizarre- it was made by the poster who loves being a lesbian because she can share her partner's clothes and jewellery. Are you going to tell her this thread isn't about her.

It was put forward as an example by that poster of what is wonderful about being a lesbian- as if twiddling bits the right way is all that is important. As I'm not a lesbian- having another woman touching my body in a sexual manner would be vile- no matter how good she might be.

This thread is about a parent hoping her daughter is a lesbian. I didn't hope my child was straight or gay. I think hoping your child has a particular orientation is pretty weird and not good parenting.

That was to Milktray

Thanks, Milktray. I think so many people assume that lesbians are whinging when they say that under the veneer of progress there's still a shedload of homophobia lurking and it's good to be able to show them some concrete examples.

I am not sexually attracted to women and never will be.

No one is forcing you to be ?

As I'm not a lesbian- having another woman touching my body in a sexual manner would be vile- no matter how good she might be.

Yet again this isn't about you and referring to lesbian sex as 'vile' on a feminist forum isn't a great look.

Well this thread certainly brought all the homophobia to the yard.

This "them and us" attitude is really quite odd.
Male violence is the greatest human rights crisis the world has ever known.
Feminism is the political movement for the liberation of women.
This is the Feminism board. Are you lost?

This is the Feminism board. Are you lost?

/Message Ends

This is the Feminism board. Are you lost?

Does feminism demand that unless you are a lesbian you can't be a feminist then, because otherwise I don't see the connection?

This thread has been a list of posts saying how fantastic being a lesbian is and how much better it is being in a relationship with a woman rather than a man.

It's quite understandable really how heterosexual women are commenting on it.

Why is one better than the other? Saying that lesbian relationships are better because of respect, understanding etc is simply ludicrous because that's saying that heterosexual relationships can't ever have that. I'm also not seeing the homophobia. If you're straight you're going to have the same feelings about personally having a relationship with someone of the same sex as a gay person will have about being in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex.

Unless being a lesbian is the only way to be a feminist I can't really see what it has to do with feminism.

Does feminism demand that unless you are a lesbian you can't be a feminist then, because otherwise I don't see the connection?

To give you a serious answer then some more radical strands of feminism do indeed believe that. Some lesbians claim women cannot fuck the patriarchy if they are quite literally fucking the patriarchy.

But in the context of this particular board and thread then it’s a simple case of lesbians and feminists being friends and allies.

Also not sure of the point you are trying to make? Are you suggesting us lesbians should be quietly ashamed of our sexuality and never speak publicly of the good and positive things about our relationships?

If a straight friend said to me ‘DH and I were so lucky to be able to conceive quickly and naturally’ I wouldn’t take it as a personal slight on my own sexuality or think she was pitching straight relationships as ‘better’ than gay ones. I would acknowledge that that is indeed very lucky and it’s one the benefits of being straight.

Hope that's answered your questions and you find your way back home.

Hearhooves

This thread has been a list of posts saying how fantastic being a lesbian is and how much better it is being in a relationship with a woman rather than a man.

Actually, if you read it through this thread has been dominated by you and your homophobic and misogynistic posts. This is the feminism board and from now on I'll be ignoring you and hope others will too.

Also not sure of the point you are trying to make? Are you suggesting us lesbians should be quietly ashamed of our sexuality and never speak publicly of the good and positive things about our relationships?

No, not all but I don't see why it's done in a "my relationship is better than yours" way. I can't see heterosexual women on here saying that their relationship with a man is better because...

Surely it's great if people are in good, healthy relationships, regardless of the sex of the partner isn't it? I also can't get my head around some feminists believing that you can't be a feminist unless you are a lesbian. Given that sexuality isn't a choice is their thinking then that straight women shouldn't be in relationships?

And thatdamnwoman do please give me an example of where I've been either homophobic or misogynistic? If you think that I assume you've reported the posts or are you just chucking insults around?

I don't think it's either homophobic nor misogynistic to say that I don't agree with assisted reproduction using anonymous donors - it affects both males and females, and people of all sexualities so I really don't see how it can be either homophobic nor misogynistic to hold those views.

Straight women can't be feminists as they literally fuck the patriarchy?!
Just... wow, OK
That's some seriously fucked up thinking if anyone believes that!

@WotchaTalkinBoutWillis

Yes many do. Google 'political lesbianism' if you want to learn more.

There's an article here from Julie Bindel advocating it:

I think it's time for feminists to re-open the debate about heterosexuality, and to embrace the idea of political lesbianism.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/30/women-gayrights

No, you're alright, don't think I do want to learn more, thanks though...
messed up thinking.
It's more and more on here only "the right kind of women" isn't it?
No so called handmaidens
No straight ones either
Ok

SapphosRock

As I'm not a lesbian- having another woman touching my body in a sexual manner would be vile- no matter how good she might be.

Yet again this isn't about you and referring to lesbian sex as 'vile' on a feminist forum isn't a great look

I didn't say that. I was responding to the comment that sex with a woman is so fantastic because women know how women's bodies work. Sex with a woman for me would be as horrible as sex with a man would be for a lesbian.

Lesbian relationships and lesbian sex is no better than and no worse than heterosexual relationships or sex. The whole premise of the opening post was the OP hoping her daughter was a lesbian. What a bizarre idea of parenting.

Also not sure of the point you are trying to make? Are you suggesting us lesbians should be quietly ashamed of our sexuality and never speak publicly of the good and positive things about our relationships?

Nobody has said anything of the kind about being ashamed. Your relationship is good because it is good for you. That does not make all lesbian relationships better than all heterosexual relationships.

If a straight friend said to me ‘DH and I were so lucky to be able to conceive quickly and naturally’ I wouldn’t take it as a personal slight on my own sexuality or think she was pitching straight relationships as ‘better’ than gay ones. I would acknowledge that that is indeed very lucky and it’s one the benefits of being straight

But that's not remotely the same. The position of political lesbianism and the OP is that it is a better relationship.

I think it's time for feminists to re-open the debate about heterosexuality, and to embrace the idea of political lesbianism.

But if sexuality is something that you have no choice over how does this even work? Do they think straight women can make themselves a lesbian? Then surely that's saying that we can control our sexuality?

Why the defensiveness over het sex and relationships? They're the norm . They don't need defending or proving they're better or as good as . Or any of this faux outrage of "how dare you?".

Lesbians having good relationships sexual or otherwise, doesn't take away from the good of your your own. Even if they claim it's better.

No defensiveness on my part I just don't see how it's feminist to say that any woman in a straight relationship isn't a feminist not that only women in a lesbian relationship can have a good, supportive relationship with a partner that understands them.

I just find a lot of the thinking (or lack of it) that is expressed on here to be truly odd.

Well going by other threads you don't understand many things..how sexism works,class analysis, that it's not all about your husband or why some women don't want to be called "love" being just a few.

You should try and listen, however you never do , it's all about your little bubble and view of the world. Which is fair enough, but don't then wade in on numerous threads claiming you "don't understand ".

Well, no, I don't understand and I'm willing to listen, just that no one ever explains.

I've asked what I think is a perfectly reasonable question - if sexuality isn't a choice how can straight women choose to become lesbian, in order to satisfy political feminism but no one has answered.

I don't remember arguing it's all about my husband nor why some women don't like to be called love either but no doubt that's because you've decided to twist what I actually did say in order to satisfy your own agenda.

I've asked what I think is a perfectly reasonable question - if sexuality isn't a choice how can straight women choose to become lesbian, in order to satisfy political feminism but no one has answered.

Political lesbianism has nothing to do with this thread though - it only came up in the context of your giving an extreme example of a feminist viewpoint, a PP picking up on this and then someone else explaining that yes, political lesbianism is an actual thing that some people believe.

Why not google it if you don't understand it? It's not relevant to this thread and other MNers aren't obliged to educate you.

Fair enough don't tell.me.off for not being willing to listen then.

How is t it relevant to this thread? The tone of it appears to be that being a lesbian is better than being straight but if people don't have a choice it's entirely a moot point isn't it?

if people don't have a choice it's entirely a moot point isn't it?

Yes, I agree with this - I said upthread that I think it's odd to hope one's DC's sexuality will be one way or the other - it's out of everyone's control and sets a child up for having parents who are disappointed because of the sexuality they can't change.