I hope my daughter is a lesbian.

[RhinoR]

She's 10.

She says she doesn't like boys. That one day she will get a girlfriend. She says she has a crush on a girl in her class.

This has me hoping she will indeed be gay.
From my own experiences to those I read daily about young women being abused, coerced and degraded by their partners I fear so much for my daughter going through such things.

Women aren't perfect of course, being gay won't protect her from heartbreak and maybe some abuse at the hands of her partner but I daresay I would sleep better at night.

Is that terrible of me?

I'll preface this by stating that I know that sexual orientation is not a choice.

Road A has a higher incidence of accidents and fatalities.
Road B is statistically safer.
On both of them bad things still happen, and many many people travel on Road A perfectly safe.

OP's DD has shown a preference for Road B, but isn't set in stone.

Is OP that terrible for hoping/having a preference her DD will travel on Road B instead of Road A?

JanesKettle

The title of the thread is I hope my daughter is a lesbian.

And you saying "what sort of person says yeah you're wrong to hope your dd might be a lesbian" is putting a value judgement on the possibility of dd being a lesbian.

If a poster said "I hope my dd is straight" would that be ok? I don't think it would because the subtext is I hope my dd isn't gay, or I won't be happy if my dd is gay.

Why would you not hope your dd is whoever she is and loves whoever she loves? I literally have never had a care either way for either of my children. If they were gay or straight I had no preference. I want them to be happy. That's it.

Don't you think we should just wish for happiness for our children whoever they choose to be and with?

Absolutely this

Yes, what a monstrous thing in a world where women are still beaten and shunned for being lesbians to be actively, positively delighted in response that orientation in one's child. What huge damage to a person's self esteem could occur to know that they would be celebrated and accepted by their parent in a culture that will still be sending them messages about their 'wrongness'.

Some people have no idea.

Hear, hear, FloralBunting

Some people have no idea.

How do you know?

Because I grew up under no illusions that my orientation was wrong, shameful and something to be hidden and changed and the reason I believed that was because those around me told me so. Even just one person giving me some positive reinforcement that I was actually brilliantly ok if I liked girls may have helped me escape self loathing, internalizing the physical and verbal homophobic abuse and submitting to conversion therapy.

But you know, parent the way you see fit. Whatever.

But you know, parent the way you see fit.

But how do you know what any of us, or our children, have experienced? Unless we choose to post about it you don't know what experience we have do you?

My children have always, always known that it matters not one jot to us whether they are gay or straight. Hence the reason why they've always been able to.talk.to.us about anything.

So yeah, whatever.

Yeah, you were the one talking about weird sperm related creepy shit on a thread about being positive about a 10yo daughter's possible lesbian orientation, so I don't honestly put much stock in how you would approach having a lesbian or gay child. I'm sure you'll live.

Anyway, OP, encourage your daughter to be herself, always, and in a world where actually, being LGB isn't on an equal footing with being heterosexual, be really positive about that possibility. I guarantee you it will cause no harm, and may actually be a huge positive in her life.

Like comphet isn't a thing. Gawd, this thread's a shit show.

Also: what Floral said.

Well, if anyone wondered where all the homophobes were hanging out I guess this thread answers that question.

You're not terrible, OP, you're just worried about your daughter. There's nothing wrong with that.

FloralBunting

Yeah, it wasn't me who started off the discussion on sperm donation actually.

Not sure why it's "sperm related shit" either. I was talking about anonymous gamete donation - eggs and sperm.

Hear, you can stop chatting to me now, we've established that we have different view points, and I'm not interested in engaging with yours any further. Have a nice evening.

I think id have been happier with women tbh, but as a bisexual, I think ive just always ended up with men because they are so easy. I remember telling my mum I thought I was gay at 16/17 and her telling me 'I hope you dont think women will be any easier because theyre not', and so I tried to put it out of my mind, and just ended up in one long term relation with blokes after another, but as ive got older I actually feel a bit sad at times and have grappled with my sexuality and orientation a lot.

With this in mind, ive always made sure the children know its valid and normal. Sometimes coming straight in with a concern or comment that you may have decided it on a whim etc, actually just shuts them down.

you can stop chatting to me now, we've established that we have different view points, and I'm not interested in engaging with yours any further. Have a nice evening.

Likewise.

I've been in a relationship and married for approx 20 years now - plenty of good male role models growing up to as have a lot of Uncles (actual uncles before anyone starts lol) and friends with males too.

I am very glad for you. You must know if you read the papers that you are the exception. www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2018/feb/08/sexual-assault-women-crime-survey-england-wales-ons-police-figures
I was five the first time I was molested by a male.
Research with 2,275 young people aged 11-17 about their experiences of sexual abuse suggests around 1 in 20 children in the UK have been sexually abused.
learning.nspcc.org.uk/research-resources/statistics-briefings/child-sexual-abuse/

What Floral, Jane and Creepster said. They are posters whose opinion I respect.

I can't believe 271 posts in and nobody has printed out the main benefit of being a lesbian. We have better sex!

'You know those time you have sex but don't come...?' said no lesbian ever.

Our partners are statistically more likely to stay faithful too.

All valid reasons for the OP to be happy if her DD turns out to be gay.

There are also so many other small but satisfying benefits to living with another woman instead of a man

• We don't have to eat the smaller portion
• We can watch The Crown and Downton abbey without anyone whining they want Top Gear on
• We can share clothes and jewelry
• household chores are shared equally

Etc etc

You must know if you read the papers that you are the exception.

From that linked Guardian article, 20% have experienced some form of sexual assault since 16 years old and so 80% haven't - so if she's in that 80%, how is she the exception.

Because if it is reported by 20% of the population it is happening to many more and the 80% bloody well knows.

There are also so many other small but satisfying benefits to living with another woman instead of a man

- We don't have to eat the smaller portion
*- We can watch The Crown and Downton abbey without anyone whining they want Top Gear on

• We can share clothes and jewelry *

- household chores are shared equally

Have you ever met an actual man? This seems rooted in stereotypes and the worst of MN AIBU as opposed to real life.

Also, what's the point of being evangelical about lesbianism? You're either gay or you're not, and the idea you can choose is regressive and dangerous.