I hope my daughter is a lesbian.

[RhinoR]

She's 10.

She says she doesn't like boys. That one day she will get a girlfriend. She says she has a crush on a girl in her class.

This has me hoping she will indeed be gay.
From my own experiences to those I read daily about young women being abused, coerced and degraded by their partners I fear so much for my daughter going through such things.

Women aren't perfect of course, being gay won't protect her from heartbreak and maybe some abuse at the hands of her partner but I daresay I would sleep better at night.

Is that terrible of me?

No defensiveness on my part I just don't see how it's feminist to say that any woman in a straight relationship isn't a feminist

Same
Why isn't a woman a feminist if they're straight?
Or a so called handmaiden?
Isn't being a feminist being a woman who believes in equality for women and rights for women?
Or isn't that good enough for some now, you have to become a lesbian to be considered a proper feminist?!

I just find a lot of the thinking (or lack of it) that is expressed on here to be truly odd
Also same! I also find truly odd whenever a question is asked instead of answering you get google it and we aren't obliged to educate you
This is a discussion board, no?
If as you say a point or question comes up as a result of a conversation, why can't we challenge an opinion or ask "how does that work then?"
Instead it's stuff like "google it."
It's almost as people are so set and rigid in their views they don't want to think about anything that may challenge them or make them think...

My wife and I practise pegging, whereby she puts on a strap on dildo and penetrates me in order to teach me the levels of trust involved through regular, heterosexual relationships

I'm sorry but that just made me
That probably makes me even more of a terrible feminist, what with the fact I'm a straight woman to boot.
I'll see myself out

It's made me as a man re-evaluate my own "manhood" and check my privilege levels, particularly after crying into a pillow after the first time we did it, something my wife explained was very common for teenage girls when they lose their virginity.

Sorry BrandNewFather but your wife sexually assaulted you and I hope you consider leaving the relationship.

OK, I totally read BrandNewFathers post as a joke, that's why I laughed, HearHooves has me worried I've read the tone wrong now as it's a serious response....!
This is where emojis would be helpful to gauge each others tone over the t'internet.....

I don't think it's a joke. I think it's a way to introduce porn into the discussion rather than anything pertinent to the topic. I have reported it.

Yeps. Me too sounds like some sort of weird porno thing. Creepy as

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis

Oh, it might have been a joke. I read it as being serious but now seeing the other responses maybe not.

Instead it's stuff like "google it."
It's almost as people are so set and rigid in their views they don't want to think about anything that may challenge them or make them think...

I'm quite happy to think about things that make me think.

I said google it - not because I think that only lesbians can be feminists but because people coming onto a thread (usually hooves) with their wide-eyed proclamations that they have never encountered any other viewpoints before serves to derail feminist threads on a pretty regular basis.

If people were talking about something I had no knowledge of but which transpired to be an established school of thought, I would google it and find out a bit more about it before blindly refuting it and asking others to explain it me from scratch.

If people were talking about something I had no knowledge of but which transpired to be an established school of thought, I would google it and find out a bit more about it before blindly refuting it and asking others to explain it me from scratch.

I don't need it explaining from scratch and regardless of whether it's an established school of thought or not it's ridiculous.

This thread has cracked me up!

OP: I like both apples and pears but hope my DD grows up to favour apples

Apple fans: This is no bad thing. Apples are great and so versatile. You can use them for apple pie, apple crumble. Your DD will have a nice life as an apple fan.

Pear fans: There’s plenty of great things about pears too that aren’t dissimilar to apples.

Apple fans: We know. 99% of the female population favour pears. The benefits of liking pears are obvious. We are discussing the benefit of specifically liking apples.

Pear fans: You are insulting us for liking pears! Apples are vile and make me feel sick. And I fundamentally disagree with apple crumble and think it should be banned. I only like pears.

Apple fans: But this thread isn’t about you or pears. Pretty much every other thread on Mumsnet involves pears. Perhaps you don’t belong on this particular thread?

Pear fans: God. You apple fans are a nightmare. You only want to talk to people who like apples.

sapphos

I’ve always deliberately and consciously evenhanded any relationship/parenting anything with gay/bi/straight examples.
Apparently this has ruined my DD’s ability to have decent coming out story. DD is partly joking, partly miffed at not having coming out angst to bond with others.

As a bisexual, my experience is every person has different likes and dislikes and knowing my own didn’t give me much of a head start in the sack with women.

If we lived in a homophobia free world I would not only be pleased about my child being a lesbian I would be actively celebrating the many men related issues she would be avoiding. As we do not I am both delighted for the reduction in male based harm and nervous about the homophobic harm that will replace it.

I don’t see why being pleased your child is possibly on a statistically less dangerous pathway is a bad thing. I’m fairly certain parents who are pleased their children are in statistically less hazardous careers, gap years, modes of transport are not being told well I know lots of people who joined the army and didn’t get shot but my neighbours cats birth mother”s family had someone shot in a hunting accident. Or possibly they are. People are weird.

I don’t see why being pleased your child is possibly on a statistically less dangerous pathway is a bad thing.

This is exactly what it comes down to and what OP said.

Why would anyone have an issue with beats me.

I’m fairly certain parents who are pleased their children are in statistically less hazardous careers, gap years, modes of transport are not being told well I know lots of people who joined the army and didn’t get shot but my neighbours cats birth mother”s family had someone shot in a hunting accident. Or possibly they are. People are weird.

If the parent was a mother it probably would happen! There are some people (men, let's face it) in the world who have a nigh-pathological need to inform women they're wrong about stuff. I think some of those people have been really getting into this thread.

Because choosing a job is.literally that - a choice. Not that I think.parents should be involved in their child's choice of job.

Sexuality isn't a choice. So a parent who hopes that their child is one sexuality or another surely risks alienating that child and making them feel like they have disappointed their.parent in some way.

Would you think it's fine if a parent hoped that their child was straight? Would it not be damaging to the child if they then grew up to be gay? Why is this stance any different?

You're assuming that OP makes a big song and dance about it.

Also ,despite sexuality not being a choice, you're missing the point of the analogies. One is statistically less risky, so what's wrong with hoping for it?

Yes, I agree with this - I said upthread that I think it's odd to hope one's DC's sexuality will be one way or the other

Isn't this called Bi Erasure? Sexuality isn't a simple ONE WAY or THE OTHER switch flicking exercise - though, put like that, it sounds like fun - that's why there are more than two colours on the Rainbow Flag.

A parent who hopes that their child is one sexuality or another surely risks alienating that child and making them feel like they have disappointed their.parent in some way.

Could this not be said of a parent who nurses any hopes or dreams or good wishes whatsoever for their child? Would you advocate for all parents to stop having hopes for their children? For all parents to stop wishing that their children's lives will turn out well and they'll be happy and healthy? After all, being happy and healthy isn't a choice.

@SapphosRock

Excellent post.

Isn't this called Bi Erasure? Sexuality isn't a simple ONE WAY or THE OTHER switch flicking exercise

Thanks for the education Sandman. My comment was part of a tangential discussion about political lesbianism.

Because it was about the exclusion of sleeping with men, it didn't occur to me to that there are political bisexuals out there, but I apologise if it made anyone feel excluded.

Could this not be said of a parent who nurses any hopes or dreams or good wishes whatsoever for their child? Would you advocate for all parents to stop having hopes for their children? For all parents to stop wishing that their children's lives will turn out well and they'll be happy and healthy? After all, being happy and healthy isn't a choice.

In some instances of course the same could be said. I think general hopes that your child is happy and healthy are fine. Hoping that your child is a Dr say, isn't fine because that's very specific.

My mum made it very clear what she wanted me to do for a job. O wanted to be a nurse. I suffered 2 years of what can only be called a campaign to stop me from doing it. I had aunts and uncles, recruited by her, telling me how much I was upsetting her, I'd come home home from school to find her sobbing dramatically because of "what I was doing to her". Her piece de resistance was when she came along to my interview at a prestigious London hospital (we were asked to bring our parents along). At one point the interviewees were taken into one room and the parents another. She then proceeded to tell.the interview staff her thoughts on me becoming a nurse which were then raised during my interview! So that absolutely is not normal and I remain in no doubt how much of a disappointment I was to her.

That must be a million times worse when it's your sexuality that is the issue rather than just a job.