ROGD Parent Support

[iamright17]

This is a new thread for parents who are experiencing the phenomenon of Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria in their tweens/ teens/ young adults.

Sadly we are being watched and our words taken out of context so please be careful what you say.

I want the UK and beyond to listen to parents. Even if it is deemed as anecdotal for now, it is important for someone to acknowledge our perspective. The trans narrative is trying to undermine our credibility.

The clear homophobia is the things that most puzzles me. In Australia, we moved directly from gay marriage (Yes vote won) to embracing homophobia in the guise of being trans-friendly. I don't get it.

There were a few gay and lesbian elders speaking out at the time of the marriage plebesite, and saying 'this is a conservative agenda (marriage) in a progressive disguise, watch out for where this is taking us' but everyone ignored them.

I see it crop up constantly, particularly in the US families that are conservative but suddenly find themselves as proud rainbow warriors because their son was into pink and sparkles and they panicked at the mere possibility of him being gay, but being trans was much more acceptable, so they now have a 'daughter'. I saw one mother recently giving her testimony, exactly the same as all the others - traditional family, child being out of their gendered expectations for interests and character traits, people worried about the gay thing, mother googled because she was so troubled by this, discovered trans, and lo, she and her whole church going family are joyous LGBTQ+ advocates. But mainly the T. Because ewww, not the G. I mean that's fine for other families, but they just knew it wasn't the case for their child. Couldn't be.

And here I am with one previously trans identifying daughter, and a flamboyant son who I suspect might turn out to be into other blokes and I have zero problem.with that, and I'm the bigot because I didn't immediately affirm the pretend pronouns of my emotionally troubled daughter and instead tried to help her understand what was behind her distress? Pisses me off so much.

Floral - that pisses me off too. That somehow it is "right" and progressive that children and young people who don't confirm to stereotypes get altered rather than accepting them for who they are.

Floral, I am so glad that your daughter has put this particular phase behind her and wish you both much luck on your future journey. She sounds like an interesting, thoughtful, sensitive person and I hope she makes it through her (shitty) adolescence relatively unscathed ❤️

I’m going to be attending the Detransitioners event in Manchester on November 30th - I know quite a few from FWR will be there, but it would be particularly lovely of some of us dealing with the ROGD situation could make In-person contact.

Dumonde - glad you can go to that event - it would be great to have feedback from someone directly affected.

Definitely adopted from care way over represented. Spoke with our social worker last week. Over 25% of her team’s case load are identifying as trans boys!

Erial1 - what does the social worker think about that? Are they sceptical that all of these girls are "born in the wrong body" and raising it with their colleagues and professional bodies as a matter of concern, or are they earnestly suggesting you get referred asap to GIDS?

If anyone wants a twitter group to follow, @OurDutyGrp is good. They also have a private group chat. This is also a really good support group: www.parentsofrogdkids.com/ There’s a bit of gate keeping but you can stay anonymous through the whole thing- it’s all above board.

There is a Facebook page started for Our Duty which will share updates and events etc. This is all a work in progress but there are plans in progress for a platform and safe place for parents in the UK to talk, garner support and science based evidence. www.facebook.com/ourdutygrp/

Thanks funkstar - have started following the facebook page (not on Twitter)….
Very grateful to you all....

Thanks for the people to follow/ check out. I’ve been glued to Maya and Fair cop this past few days. Hope it goes well for them.
As a parent, I wonder if not accepting my child as transgender but as a child with obvious distress about gender would cut it if I was in court. Would this be hate speech and I will be logged as a statistic. The very fact that I write this might be used as hate speech. I’m thankful that the judges seem to be seeing the light. I hope

Hello all. I’m a mom of a 15 year old girl in US who told me in July that she’s trans. At regular annual physical told doctor she’s a boy and they approved her for testosterone that day. I did not sign the informed consent form so she can’t get it til she’s 18, unless the laws change, which they already have in some states. I have been following what’s happening with maya forstater and faircop cases. crazy times we are living in.

Erial1 ours also very late adoption

Laura - are you on GenderCriticalResources? Lots of US parents there and loads of information. pm me if you want to make contact with them.

I am, yes, thank you

Hi there. I wanted to introduce myself to you. Some of you may have read in the media that there is a legal case that has been started to try and change the process at the Tavistock Clinic. I am Mum A, the parent of a 15 year old who was born female, but now identifies as male. Myself and Sue Evans (a psychotherapist who has worked at the Tavistock, and wife to Marcus Evans) are asking for a Judicial Review of the prescribing of puberty blockers to under 18s. We are asking GIDS to stop using puberty blockers on children in the light of the lack of evidence. We believe that under 18s cannot make an informed consent decision on this, and that asking parents to consent on their behalf is also unacceptable. By asking that only a court can decide if this is in the best interests of the child, we will hopefully stop ideologically captured clinicians deciding that this is the only pathway for our kids. That they will have to fully and thoroughly explore their identity development, their experiences of bullying, internalised homophobia, trauma and neurodiversity that has led them to believe they should be the opposite sex. My daughter is currently on the waiting list for GIDS, but I do not want them to be able to offer her blockers, but instead to make sure a broad, exploratory approach is pursued.

It has been portrayed in the media as a law suit - but I do not stand to financially gain from this. Although my circumstances are being used as the basis for the judicial review, I am doing this so that other parents can seek the help they need without concern that their children will be set on a medical pathway for life. I would like the puberty blockers taken 'off the table' as a treatment choice for my child, and others like her.

I am so pleased that this and other platforms are now being used to bring parents like us together. It can be an incredibly lonely time, full of self doubt, anxiety and conflict. But by supporting one another to challenge the current push for affirmation only care, we can make a real difference.

Those of us who have autistic children, we are often told we need to fight for them, fight for a diagnosis, that we know our children best. Even when our kids are ill, we are told to challenge doctors and healthcare practitioners when we know our children are ill, but all around us are saying we've got it wrong. But when our children declare a transgender identity, that we have seen no pre-adolescent evidence of, we are told that we are closed minded, bigoted, transphobic. That we can't possibly know our children as well as they know themselves. But we do. I know we do.

So keep fighting for who they are, not who the idealogues think they should be.

ThatmumA - you are an inspiration, thank you for taking on the ideologues. I've contributed to your legal fees.

No matter what the outcome I hope the light you are shining on this issue will at least give everyone in the gender medicalisation machine pause for thought.

My DD is 21 so I am not able to be involved in her medical care. The fact that she autistic and dependent on us to make effective decisions in every other aspect of her life is apparently irrelevant to the clinicians at the adult clinic.

It is indeed a frightening place to be.

ThatMumA
It was because you spoke out that many of us feel brave to speak up as well. I hope this continues and you can show others who question you that there are plenty parents who support your stance. Gender Clinics, TRA’s, and support groups like Mermaids et al have been driving this as far as I can see and have overwhelmed and gaslighted parents. The more they are exposed, the more parents will see and say I know my child best. It is too late for my child who went straight to the adult services at 17 but this too is wrong. My child was offered puberty blockers at an adult clinic. The rationale spouted for administration of blockers is clearly being used without any consideration. Just shut them up, offer them blockers and onto the next one. No exploration required. Clearly my child was past puberty if deemed old enough to go to adult services. Adult services did no exploration. Thankfully my child did not take the blockers. ( I hope). Just hoping now that the cross sex hormones which were also offered have not been started. I no longer have any say. We have just pleaded to wait until older, to experience life, relationship, the world before going down this path. One wonders how these Professionals sleep well knowing they have been the instigator of life long medication and unnecessary surgery. I hope we can all sue them someday. I haven’t stopped thinking about this for 2 years plus. Every waking moment to every tearful and sleepless night has become my norm. They are taking a perfect, healthy body - the long term outcomes are not known - instead of investigating the root cause. Complete madness. Thank you for standing up.

This paper is from the NAS webpage on autism and gender ( which they appear to confuse with "sex", but that's for another day):

Initial Clinical Guidelines for Co-Occurring Autism Spectrum Disorder and Gender Dysphoria or Incongruence in Adolescents

www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15374416.2016.1228462

Some extracts:

ASD-related executive function deficits may result in concrete thinking and struggle with ambiguity and future thinking, which can make assessing an adolescent’s understanding of the long-term implications of gender transition/treatment challenging. In addition, ASD-related flexibility difficulties can limit a young person’s ability to embrace the concept of a gender spectrum or that gender can be fluid; adolescents with ASD may present with more “black-and-white” thinking about gender.

....

Because it is often harder for an adolescent with ASD to comprehend the long-term risks and implications of gender-related medical interventions, consenting for treatment may be more complex in this population. It is important for the clinician to develop a specialized consenting plan for an adolescent with ASD and GD, with the benefits and risks presented in a concrete manner, appropriate for the young person’s cognitive and communication abilities

It would be good to know if NHS gender clinics have paid any heed to these clinical guidelines, if anyone is in a position to ask.

Hope you have or can watch the Newsnight piece (25th November) and also File on 4 this evening (26th Nov) at 8pm.

There's another thread on this.

Just wanted to make the same point here. The NHS put out a statement saying clinical practice is based in international standards etc and that:
"All patients with gender dysphoria have extensive access to regular psychotherapy and counselling support, with a more detailed assessment process for those with complex physical and mental health problems".

This is patently untrue.

The relative of mine who identifies as NB has posted on Facebook about how awful and 'phobic the BBC are, and I think the words "literally violent" were in there, or "literal violence" or something.
They is so taken in.

The thing is, I daren't reply, but the BBC have been responsible for pushing the TRA agenda for years. Now they're "traitors" or something.
It was a huge rant.

I thought it was good.

"All patients with gender dysphoria have extensive access to regular psychotherapy and counselling support"

I saw this quote on the BBC news website article and I actually said out loud "Bare faced lies." To be perfectly honest, no one with any kind of mental health need has extensive access to regular psychotherapy and counselling support, for a start, and the reality is that once these young people make it through the waiting list, there are minimal conversations before medical interventions are signed off, because they've spent all that waiting list time being coached by Mermaids et al and the medics are there to rubber stamp their self diagnosis with quack therapy involving blockers and hormones, not to offer extensive psychotherapy. It's scandalous.

I wonder is it a resource issue Floral?
As you say, nobody gets the mental health care they need. When a distressed teen turns up as trans - well, prescribe, and jobs done.
It would not be surprising if there are some behind the scenes legal safeguards built in to protect proscribed. Not that I'm saying individual practitioners are that nakedly cynical. But they have very heavy caseloads, and everyone else is doing it and regulatory capture....

(Not a ROGD parent, but I do know a few socially. It looks like hello. Hope you dont mind an uninvolved yet supportive worker popping up)

My daughter 16 and autistic told me a few months ago she is transgender. She has mental health difficulties as well.
I call her the male diminutive of her name and walk the knife edge of saying something wrong because anything that doesn't fit with her current thinking results in a strop and tears.
I don't for a minute think she is transgender I just believe she has a very rigid mindset and she doesn't fit in to her idea of what being a woman is.
She has only confided in me and has made no efforts to progress down her "chosen " path so I'm praying that with time and maturity we eventually look back on these days as a phase.

I have long thought this. And on one level,I can't blame CAMHS for shuffling the problem into another part of the NHS. But when the path these children are put involves this naked quackery, it's hard to swallow. Plausible deniability is going to.l get harder to claim.