Do women have the right to say they feel uncomfortable over a name?

[SarahNade]

I hope this is as safe place to ask this. I am on a discussion on another thread, and it seems many think that a woman has no right to ask not to be addressed by a colloquial term, and if she does ask, she is the one being unreasonable for daring to stick her neck out, she is the one overreacting, for merely asking. Yet the male who went politely asked, gets offended that a woman dares utter her discomfort, and gets abusive with her. So why is it the woman who is 'overreacting' by merely asking not to be called something, but the man is not seen as overreacting by taking offence to her request and getting indignant?

Do women have the right to ask politely not be called something, without being told they are 'overreacting'? Or should women accept being called a term they don't like, shut up and put up with it in case she gets the male in trouble?

First, a working class person cannot afford to pay home delivery fees for groceries

Absolute nonsense. I know plenty of wc people and people on benefits who use grocery home delivery because they don't have a car...and its actually cheaper than constantly going to the nearest convenience shop.

And my very not working class ds is on minimum wage.

If someone doesn't want to be called by a certain term - just don't call them by that term. It's respect.

This is it.

Whether the delivery driver was calling the customer 'love' because that was his usual colloquial way of addressing people or because he was trying to put her down in a situation where she was challenging him, he should have stopped once she asked him to stop doing it.

It doesn't matter whether he was a delivery driver, her boss, her colleague, above her or below her in terms of 'class'. (And incidentally whatever 'class' is, it certainly can't be determined by what supermarket you shop at or whether you have home delivery, that's just ludicrous).

I wasn't there, I don't know. I don't need to know. She has a right to ask politely and he should have stopped.

This is wrong.if someone doesn't want to be called by a certainterm - just don't call them by that term. It's respect. Bitch about it is insist you should call them whatever you want because you feel it's ok? Not cool

This happens on the FWR board all the time though, so it comes across really hypocritical to read those words.
For what it's worth, I completely agree with the above I've just quoted - the sheer amount of threads and posts of knowing a term is offensive but going ahead and continuing to do it anyway as you don't see it as offensive , you'll call them what you like (general you)
the double standards is breathtaking (you're not the first post to say that on this thread and it's like....wow, OK when you read it lol.

Given the information, it's totally possible that the driver was just being friendly in a non-sexist way, but the woman getting the delivery felt he was being sexist - and that the woman was not being classist in her response, but the driver thought she was.

That's not to say that was went on, but from what we know, either or both of those things are possible.

These days I think you’re better calling people oi you. You literally offend everyone now. Sir/madam is inappropriate because the person might actually be the opposite gender. Guys is a no go for groups. Even the theatres are stopping the use of ladies and gentlemen. You can’t win.

I pick my battles even if inside I get the rage. If a male work colleague I wasn't on very very close terms with persisted on calling me sweetheart or darling and I felt it was unprofessional I'd say Can you use my name please, it's Madcatladyforever with an expression that says don't fuck with me.
They generally concede. The odd love gets on my nerves but I tend to ignore it.

I wasn't there, I don't know. I don't need to know. She has a right to ask politely and he should have stopped.

It's not necessarily this simple though. Almost always in an interaction like this, such a request tends to imply a judgement or criticism. It makes people feel badly to be told they've made a social faux pas, embarrassed.

The question then becomes, is it really worth making someone feel that way? If it's just my personal preference, I don't like some social language that's pretty usual and most people don't mind, this person could not know my personal feelings ahead of time. Many people like familiar terms of address, and dislike more formal ones.

Many people like familiar terms of address, and dislike more formal ones
That's like me, I'd much prefer a love for example than Mrs Wotcha (makes me feel about 85 or the MIL )
It's friendly imo.
Each to their own though

Oops. that was meant to bold. Ah well

The question then becomes, is it really worth making someone feel that way?

Do you mean in general or just when it comes to "love"? Because I can think of some words that someone might use innocently,unaware of the context and background of it , and offend many many people.

Look none of it is important in the grand scheme of things and I’m sure very few people here would ask someone who meant well to stop calling them love.

But that doesn’t mean i can’t analyse why it happens on an Internet forum with like-minded people.

I mean everything has a reason right?

Except perhaps grammatical gender. And chicken liver.

And the whole trans hypocrisy as a gotcher is a bit ridiculous cos most people on FWR wouldn’t misgender someone to their face unless that person was being an idiot.

So how do people know they are using sexiest language (especially that is colloquial) if they aren't told? Isn't it kind (to yourself, to them, to the girls and women that encounter them next) to tell them so they can (hopefully) think about it? And even more (hopefully) that they may evolve based on their comprehending why their language was sexist?

How did this thread turn into coercing people to carry other people's emotional/psychological labor? We (people) aren't responsible for their (other people) feelings or reactions to being told to not address us (people being addressed) a particular way.

This does not mean that those using sexist language will acquiesce but at least they will have been told... what they do with the info is their responsibility.

And for what it is worth, colloquial usage does not void inherently sexist language's sexism. IDGAF if all the people say something and think it is ok 'because everybody says it' as the bandwagon doesn't mute the sexism.

Damnit!!!!! Auto-correct and I caught fixed it and auto-correct changed it again and I missed it! Instance of "sexiest" should say sexist obviously. Geez

How did this thread turn into coercing people to carry other people's emotional/psychological labor? I bet this will tie in with the whole "be nice,kind ,pleasant" mantra for women.

So I politely asked you not to use my initials and yet you persisted. According to you this is refusing to accept boundaries, to assert dominance, to belittle.

Or because I posted because I didn't see your post as you clearly missed mine where I apologised for doing this.

So basically you are no better than the delivery man in trampling boundaries and respecting a request to address someone in a manner that they find acceptable. Interesting.

Is it really interesting? Why don't you read the thread again, and see where I apologised for using your initials once again after I'd missed the post where you'd requested me not to. I then said, no problem, as it really is no problem not to use your initials.

So nothing like the delivery driver in fact. But you're once again scrabbling around to find anything to make points that don't stand up.

Why aren't men being told to "be kind".

Shouldn't the delivery driver have been kinder?

Shouldn't my ex boss have been kinder to me and not driven me out of a job?

I don't get the double standard.

The thread reads like a bizarre version of what's the matter with you lady, can't you take a joke?

It depends.

My builder, the fella in the takeaway, a taxi driver, someone in a club. Love is fine. Someone I don't know. All good.

Someone doing the same job as me or belittling me in a professional environment. No.

Why aren't men being told to "be kind".

Well, they are.
My brother received the same "be polite, say please, thankyou, sorry" upbringing I did.
The lessons I had at school telling us to "turn the other cheek, forgive people" had boys in.
There's a stereotype (not necessarily true) of British people not causing a fuss, being polite, etc., which includes men.

I was meaning on this thread. But men are not told to "be kind", they are given huge license for bad right up to and including criminal behaviour, your singular brother notwithstanding.

Nobody has said the delivery man needed to be kind.

Or my boss. In fact nobody has had a single thing to say about a man hounding a very young woman out of a job.

It's noticeable.

It depends.

takeaway, a taxi driver, someone in a club. Love is fine. Someone I don't know. All good.

It does depend. A fleeting encounter lasting a few seconds and a one-off use of 'love' from a delivery guy or a bus driver - I'm probably not going to say anything. A builder who's in my house for several days and says it a lot, not so much.

But in neither case am I going to make the decision based on whether his feelings are more important than mine ie whether I should be kind. It is whether I mind enough in that particular situation to take the plunge and deal with what might become a bit of a scene.