Remember that grey hair is rarely attractive

[TheGreysAreComing]

5. Remember that grey hair is rarely attractive unless you have the correct combination of skin tone and eye colouring! (You suit clothes in blues, lilacs, greys and pinks and have neutral skin tone and grey/blue eyes).

www.danielfieldmailorder.co.uk/support/?q=1017

Thoughts? Posting this in FWR as I know AIBU will be full of posters who wish to post that actually they do believe grey hair on women is unattractive.. like pubes, and women leaving the house without a chaperone face full of makeup.

Regardless of a person's personal beliefs on grey hair (or any colour) there is something exceptionally sexist and patronising in advising women to remember they are unattractive. Now, now ladies, lest you forget or start to feel confident in your hair colour, you are probably unattractive.

Also, I've known lots of beautiful black women with grey hair btw but not a single one with blue eyes though.. so not sure if this brand counts them or not.

I think it is utterly bizarre that someone thinks the only point of caring about their appearance is to catch a man.

It's unclear how fashion trends like DMs, Ugg boots, long Laura Ashley Skirts, pie crust collars or track suits ever took off if women only dress for men. Also why are there are so many youtube videos about plaits?

The thing I find interesting is the assumption that women should care if they're attractive. Why? I don't. There is exactly, in the entire world, only one person (DH) that I want to be attracted to me. I don't care about the rest

This. Somehow, after more than 51 years of marriage, DH still finds me attractive and that's all that matters.

I have lifelong eczema, so never dared dye my hair. It was ash-blonde when I was young, faded to mouse in middle-age and now in my early 70s it's grey and gradually turning more silvery. It's also becoming curly. I haven't had curls since I was 10!

I like grey hair.

But it is a website selling hair dyes.

It's unclear how fashion trends like DMs, Ugg boots, long Laura Ashley Skirts, pie crust collars or track suits ever took off if women only dress for men

I think men hate Laura Ashley. I was a big fan in my younger years.

The thing I find interesting is the assumption that women should care if they're attractive. Why? I don't. There is exactly, in the entire world, only one person (DH) that I want to be attracted to me. I don't care about the rest

I'm not particularly interested in whether my husband finds what I wear attractive. He certainly didn't in my Laura Ashley days. I dress and style my hair to please me- no one else.

Good one merrymouse

Men tend to forget that misogynism is extremely unattractive.

I've suddenly remembered an account I saw on instagram called Grombre which is a community of women ditching hair dye and going grey with style if anyone is interested (Your can see the account without having your own instagram account):

www.instagram.com/grombre/?hl=en

They use grombre and silversisters as hashtags, not sure if they are on twitter and facebook too.

What I like about the grombre account is that it shows you how young many women go grey, which you often wouldn't know due to hair dye. It made me feel less crappy about going grey fairly young although I'm still not liking how my hair looks with grey showing mainly because of the placement and texture. Maybe once it's all grey I'll be one of those swooshy silver haired laydeez.

20 years ago I considered a blue rinse for when I was older and grey. I decided an apricot rinse would suit my natural colouring better which is thankfully the correct shades. Wtf?
The yoof are welcome to the blue rinse. An older lady of distinction has apricot or violet

I'm discovering more and more white hairs in my bizarrely coloured hair that is neither red nor blonde nor brown but some kind of golden colour. I've never dyed it. It's just odd. And now it's going white. I pluck them out but it will be a losing battle soon. I can't afford to dye it so an apricot rinse will have to suffice.

Do I only go out in public with a bag over my head??!

You DARE to go out in public?! Get back inside where you belong! None of this going out in public malarky. That is men's work!

I do admire those who maintain an attractive appearance for it's own sake, but I'm far too lazy. I can much better satisfy my desire for beauty by looking at a painting rather than my own rather plain self in the mirror.

Re: the sex angle, I think it's a shame that women have entered what amounts to an expensive, time-consuming beauty arms race. Men will have sex with literally anything (animals, corpses, vegetables), so the efforts I grudgingly make do seem rather superfluous.

I do admire those who maintain an attractive appearance for it's own sake, but I'm far too lazy. I can much better satisfy my desire for beauty by looking at a painting rather than my own rather plain self in the mirror

Oddly, the ability to be interested in and care about one's own appearance doesn't preclude appreciating the arts or the suspension of being interested and involved in many other things.

It's always the same on this sort of thread. Women who don't proudly keep their grey hair etc are either vacuous or trying to catch a man.

I'm amused by the idea men care one way or the other about women's hair. I'm pretty sure it isn't what's above the neck that initially attracts their attention.

Sorry, Marguerita, didn't mean to sound condescending. I'm a habitual hair-dyer. Actually just yesterday I badly botched up a dye-job and am currently sporting a dodgy orange barnet, so I wouldn't want to make any claims of aesthetic refinement...

I am waiting to go grey in a stylish manner. It might be the first time I manage stylish!

I am way too lazy to do anything else.

I'm 46 and have below bra strap length white/grey hair. I am frequently complimented on it (including by men if thats important) and told how elegant it looks (when I've made an effort, not when its plaited back for running).
Would I look better with it dyed (which I did for 10 years)? Maybe. Can I be arsed? No.

I'm mid 50's with the odd white/grey hair poking out so I have highlights put through 4 times a year, very natural ones though and not bleach blonde.

I certainly don't do it to attract men, I'm married and in the full force of menopause so my libido has been in an extended holiday and we sleep in separate beds because my night sweats are fucking awful tedious so I don't need another body making me hotter.

I've seen some fabulous heads of grey recently but until mine is actually going to look half decent grey, it's staying with highlights in. I can afford it and it pleases my eyes.

I do agree though that a box dye when older is far more ageing because it's one flat colour and no longer looks natural.

So, we’ve ascertained that it’s ok to dye your hair as long as the top notch salon makes it impossible to tell you have done so, and said barnet is paired with hand tailored frocks from a duchess’s needlewoman’s hand, and that this doesn’t negate supporting the arts.
Darlings, it’s just the peasantry that shouldn’t dye. Those of us who don’t fit into that bracket needn’t worry that our feminist credentials are in any way tarnished.

I jest. Sort of.

Fwiw, it’s hallowe’en every day here. I do retain a certain envy for those that have the interest and financial means to do tailored, coiffed and groomed. I’m far too lazy.

Ornery I most certainly do not look coiffed and groomed 95% of the time. I'm quite happy with my humidity frizzed hair scraped back and no makeup on. Sometimes I just think I want to make an effort but it's always for me.

I too can rock the Halloween look and could not care less if people stare at the state of me with my hot flush sweaty face

Ornery do or don't do what you want with your hair. Not dyeing however does not make you a better , more enlightened or more intelligent person.

I'm so sick of the patronising attitude some women have about other women.

I didn’t say it did, Marg. I linked cultural acceptability to wealth. Vaguely. It’s easier to to either dye or not dye (with social approval) as someone with the financial means. I just thought it was interesting how you chose to present a case for dyeing. It wouldn’t have been the same for someone else who was reliant on trying to get that natural effect from a box in the sink of a two up two down once they’d got the kids in bed.
Or not a natural look. Maybe purple. (I was desperate for an electric blue streak like that chap off Auf Wiedersehen Pet back in the eighties.)
Just introducing a class element into the discussion.
I don’t judge - as I said, I do have some envy. I just think that it’s interesting to consider the gendered practices. A gentleman of a certain age with a taste for expensive styling and equivalent financial means may not opt for a four weekly salon appointment so that no one knew he was grey. Whereas I have no doubt that his equivalently aged wife would be far more likely to.
It isn’t patronizing. It’s interesting. It doesn’t make you shallow. What would be more interesting is a lack of defensiveness about ‘beauty’ practices. I find historical facts interesting. Wigs. Pomade. Lice. Men in heels. Which practices have been gendered at which times. How money is linked. (Completely logically). And how now that trends are available to more people and transmitted more easily through social media that people with more access to money spend it to look ‘natural’. (No purple then.)
I’m too lazy to play with my appearance myself (although I’m always mildly interested in a product that stops the wild grey frizz from attempting world domination) but I retain curiousity about what’s hot and what’s not, from different cultural viewpoints, and the rationale.

I haven't really been seeing any judgment of women doing whatever the heck they want with their hair on this thread, the criticism is of the bloke lecturing women on the matter.

There's no need for any woman to get defensive about her choices IMO.

Citadel, I’ll take some humidity here - it’s like the fecking Sahara.
Our Dan knows where the money is. It doesn’t go much further than that.

Not rtft

Daniel name got stolen essentially years ago due to shit legal advice

Actual Daniel field stuff is here

www.danielfield.net/shop

Great salon etc as well, v reasonably priced

I really feel for him, he was in a legal battle for years over site in op,

Anyway, this is fyi.

I can't imagine him telling a woman to remember not to do x, just not his style. Not his site but has his name. Poor fella must be infuriating.

Will read now :D