Beauty regime burdens

[Sunkisses]

Given recent threads on make up and false nails that have produced much debate and defensiveness, I thought a thread highlighting all the ever more elaborate and costly things and products women are expected to do to their appearance now could be illuminating. Particularly new things, or things that have become a lot more mainstream. Men are not expected to 'groom' and spend so much time/money on their appearance, and many women think just because they 'choose' to, it's not a feminist issue. It is, particularly the messages we send our daughters that our purpose is to be decorative. Things like:
Push up bras
Leg hair removal
Pubic hair removal, especially waxing and Brazilians - ouch
Underarm hair removal
False eyelashes
Eyebrow threading
Hair that costs a fortune (highlights etc)
Body contouring underwear
Botox and fillers
Plastic surgery like breast implants
Hair extensions
Fake tan
False fingernails

Who is "expecting" you to wear skimpy swimwear? I doubt anyone at the beach or pool gives tuppence about what others are wearing.

Like many feminist issues, there is no-one strictly forcing us to wear a certain type of swimwear, it's clearly more subtle than that. Obviously we can 'choose' to wear anything we like, not wear make-up, not shave etc. However, the majority of holiday swimwear on sale in the highstreet for women is quite revealing and not that practical for doing much activity. That sold in most places for men is less revealing, not tight fitting and practical for walking around the pool and playing in the pool without risk of indecency. Women can choose to go against the norm but it takes much more effort.

As a grumpy middle aged woman, I'm sure no-one round the pool cares what I wear (and I'm not interested if they do) so I do look for swimwear I'm more comfortable in even if that's not what everyone else is wearing. However, my teenage DD wants to mix with the other teens on holiday, wants to fit in, is influenced by what she sees in adverts/social media etc so she 'chooses' to wear the standard bikini even though she has very dark body hair and so 'chooses' to spend ages keeping this removed as it is her 'choice' for it not to be seen.

just looking online
seems lots of places do board shorts, swim shorts for women - around £10 - so not that bad?

If I went swimming or on holiday there's no way I would be bothering with a bikini wax, though I do remember having to do it at school. Schools are still a century behind aren't they - do they let girls wear swim shorts?

I have never worn skimpy swimwear, not felt pressured to either. In school I always wore swim shorts with a sleeved swim vest, never had any issues. Even now I have an array of swim shorts with vests be they sleeved or capped, never spaghetti straps. I dont feel like I have gotten odd looks either or maybe I do but just don't care.
I would say that I have felt more pressure from females than males on a lot of things such as make up and hair.

I got misogynistic bullying and harassment at high school for not shaving my legs Gwen

And i have heard gorilla comments from men about women who dont.

And its even in TV programmes

"a day in the life of Julia Roberts Get up. Dont shave"

from the script of Goodnight Sweetheart. 1999

I wear a longer leg swimsuit (I can't thinker the correct name is), basically an all in one swimsuit with legs that go to mid thigh.

"I wear a longer leg swimsuit (I can't thinker the correct name is), basically an all in one swimsuit with legs that go to mid thigh."

So do I. It's called a legsuit and not that difficult to find.

"remember there sketch from Smack the Pony with a woman going swimming with massive tufty pubic hair on show. That'd be me grin"

The whole joke is that if you go to a swimming pool, you're only walking from your cubicle to the pool for 1 minute and it's unlikely that anyone will notice your 'spider legs'.

just looking online
seems lots of places do board shorts, swim shorts for women - around £10 - so not that bad?

Loads of places do. Lands End have loads of long shorts. Matalan have some nice skirted suits. Sainsbury's Tu range has as well and I'd defy anyone to display more than they intended to in this George at Asda suit.

direct.asda.com/george/women/swimwear/black-paisley-empire-line-swim-dress/GEM691906,default,pd.html?cgid=D1M1G20C15

and as a result I can only go swimming if I'm happy to have all my pubic hair on display because all swimsuits/ bikinis are high legged and pushup bras etc. I just want swimming trunks like men get. Comfy, sensible swimming trunks that don't ride up your arse

That is such an exaggeration. There are plenty of what you are looking for here and there many more similar retailers.

www.landsend.co.uk/Women/Swimwear/ix-11307

www.sportsdirect.com/swimming/ladies-swimwear/all-ladies-swimwear

I would never have thought of landsend for swim wear and wow what a range! Even a mastectomy suit. And loooove the rash top!

Thanks for the link.

I've always loved the style of 1950s shorts suits and being long bodied have had to mix n match tops and bottoms for years. Consequently shaving pubic hair never crossed my mind till I heard about friends doing it in my 20s. Couldn't be arsed so stuck to my beloved shorts swim bottoms which are then flexible for tops; bikini or tank.

Also, I used to have to go in the pool when swimming with our sen pupils which necessitated more modest swim wear and I wore a t shirt.

This reminded me that I could do with a new swimsuit so I bought the George at Asda skirted suit. The size 12 has generous coverage over the bottom, very light control on tummy and a comfortable, lightly padded top which keeps everything in place.

I think things are a better now for swimwear than they were. I used to find it difficult because most shops only carried what was trendy, but now with online ordering you can usually find something. Even just googling for things like "swimsuits with shorts" can be fruitful, and since retro styling has become popular there are some pretty options with more coverage. I even know women who buy swimsuits means for Muslim ladies though they aren't religious themselves.

People seem to be wearing a lot of different types at the beach, and even my teenage daughter's friends all seem to wear quite a variety, inlcluding some with a lot of coverage. They've all grown up being told to cover from the sun, as well, so that might be part of it.

I honestly don't mind doing a bit of grooming and I wear makeup every day. It makes me feel good, I'm not trying to attract a man, I'm happier single. I just quite enjoy my routine and making myself look a tiny bit nicer.

Where I completely draw the line is conforming to a certain body shape. I'm a bit overweight (5 foot 6, over 11 stone, size 12) and I don't look particularly fit now I'm middle aged. But I have always exercised and eat well most of the time. I refuse to starve myself to be a size 8. I recently spent some time with a woman a lot slimmer than myself and all she seemed to want to talk about was how I should lose weight. It completely pissed me off. I think this is biggest burden for women. Why should we all be a size 8?

mind OMG I would not be on speaking terms with someone who did that to me.

who is this woman?!

I had this chat with my sister - she says she genuinely wants to do all the stuff she does and it's not social pressure. Meanwhile I am wondering - when I leave London for somewhere more rural, will I feel less pressure?

I would expect to be retired at that point, so no workplace expectations.

Lands end stuff.. only starts at size 10, and tops targets sub DD cup size. Any other suggestions on decent swimwear with greater range of sizes? I don’t mind mixing from suppliers, but I already know tops from speedo just don’t work as there is not enough fabric

Well well well. Not waxing my legs worked out well tonight. I had an accident in the kitchen and got boiling water down my left leg. Im a bit burned but not as badly as i would be without the hair there to protect me. Upper leg is sore.....lower leg where most of the hair is seems fine.

Ouch HelenaDove, hope you're OK.

I once did a very dusty, dirty job and ended up with the dust all over the hairs above my upper lip. If I hadn't had my moustache there I would have breathed it all in. We need our body hair.

Thankyou Im fine. Just a tiny bit sore.