Ama - transwoman

[Indigo9]

I've heard about Mumsnet for years in regards to views on transgender women. But until today I had never visited the site. I've spent hours reading posts related to transwomen and the gender ID bill. I do think there is a little bit of a disconnect with regards to who and what we are. So I've decided to setup this profile with a mind to answering questions you may have about being transgender. I'm not in to hate or insults, so you won't see me participate in any mud slinging, name calling or anything else. I will, however, answer any legitimate questions from my own perspective. I do not speak for the whole trans community and would not try to, but will happily share what I know.

In the olden days, even if you wore lady face, you would still have been able to vote, inherit property etc.
Interesting, eh? You can choose to opt in and out of male privilege. You can decide to stereotype women in the most dreadfully sexist way in order to include yourself in a new definition.

Dance your post of 7.40 should be pinned at the top of FWR. Thank you for such a clear statement!

You're really brave for coming here, OP. But it's nice to see someone who can speak for the trans community. We need more of that round here.

Oh definitely. Because worldwide, whole sale changing and redefinition of actual laws and legislation and language surrounding women and their needs and rights just isn’t enough. You absolutely must take over MN too; that defiant space that won’t submit and is full of big meanies.

lydiamajora excellent post.

society is struggling to keep up with the changes in how people define who they are and thst some people don't want society to change at all.

Woman experience?
Pregnancy
Periods
Miscarriage
Abortion
Mammography
Smear test
Rape and/or sexual assault ( I know guys have this too but to a lesser extent)
Becoming invisible at 40
Partner trading you in for a younger model
Paid less
Giving up work to look after kids/relatives

That was it? I do still hope OP is coming back, but not holding my breath.

Thanks to everyone for the great questions and explanations why none of what Indigo said made any sense. Except for the fact they were very clear they would take anything they wanted without any regard for women. Clearly missing the female socialisation to always be nice...

@Indigo9

Wear my comfy pants when I get home etc etc I guess I'd ask what living as a woman means to you?

As someone who is transsexual, I have a question for you.

I'm undertaking some small renovations on my house. Yesterday I was putting up some plasterboard, wearing dark navy "men's" overalls (covered in gunk and paint splatters), a pair of black steel toe-capped boots - wearing no makeup, and I had my hair tied back in a ponytail.

I needed to go to my local builder's merchants for some plasterboard sealer so I got in my car and went as described. Whilst in the car park, as it was sunny, I rolled a cigarette and smoked it whilst leaning against the bonnet of my car - at the same time as picking out dried plaster from under my nails with my car keys.

As I wasn't wearing my "comfy pants" whilst at home, and went out in "stereotypically" male looking attire (with no makeup), does this mean I've de-transitioned? I'm worried I've ceased being trans now....

To give you further context to help me, I was watching a fork-lift and thinking how I'd love to "have a go" at driving one.

You cannot just think your way into being a woman. The idea is so preposterous that I can’t believe it is up for discussion.
You believe you should be able to compete against women in sport because you wouldn’t stand a chance against men, well hello that’s exactly what women are up against when they have to complete against biologically born males.
The top prize for the women’s singles at Wimbledon is over £2million & according to you it should be open to trans women. So some low ranked male tennis player could think himself into being a woman, dress in comfy pants & walk off with the top prize. Can you see how unfair this is to women?

Must buy comfy pants, seems I have been doing this woman malarkey all wrong.

Also, DCs have been whinging about me being controlling, it’s clearly not the done womanly thing.

donajimena

Gosh, I was thinking those same womanly seagull thoughts this morning too.

Amazing.

Whatever the set of personal reasons behind wanting to 'be' the opposite sex, it's wishful thinking by that individual.

Trying to actualise that wishful thinking via clothes, mannerisms, hormones, surgery, is an attempt at wish fulfilment.

Nothing can transform a human being into the opposite sex. And it is gas lighting to try to convince us that this is otherwise.

I would say to every transgender person (whatever that means) - be yourself, present as you want, do what makes you feel better, live your best life. Be as happy as you can.

But you do not have the right to centre your individual wishes above the safety and rights of an entire class of people - be they women or men.

Just to try and reword something I was trying to say in my post, people who say they want to look like 'a woman' or be 'a woman', I just want to ask them which woman they want to be? Women don't all look a certain way, or act a certain way, or think a certain way. You can want to look feminine, as in smaller, petite, long hair, don a skirt and some makeup, but that isn't "woman". That is feminine. Some days I like you've feminine, others I like to share my inner rocker, some days I don't want to look feminine so I don't bother with the above, that doesn't mean I look like or dress like a man.
We should all be working towards being proud of who we are, for a transperson, transitioning is a huge part of who you are and your journey, I never understand why people try to erase that.

@LangCleg oooh I do love a grey rock. In fact I like rock in general. Climbing it, eating it (the seaside variety, not gritstone), and most of all: listening to it. Rock is good.

Here is a seagull on a grey rock.

www.amazon.com/Danmu-Polyresin-Seagull-Bathroom-Outdoor/dp/B07416FHGV?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

(Must learn how to post pics)

fibroids/adenomyosis and endometrial overthickening.
dildocam
colposcopy and biopsy
cervical stenosis
prolapse
bleeding, bleeding and more bleeding. (If you ever have anything gynae done always take sanitary towels, even if you think there is no logical reason to need them - top tip )
progesterone intolerance
things to do with menopause that make keeping your job impossible, all the doctors tell you it is in your mind, it is underresearched because no one thinks it is important/exists.

None of it 'living as a woman'

However would I want a male coming in to the bathroom I use...hell no! That would be plain intimidating and very uncomfortable.

Oh, the irony and male entitlement.

Anyone else dizzy from all the round and round circular bollocks?

I've missed FWR. I've been glued to the brexit threads for the past few months and forgotten how entertaining these threads are

Being a woman is not living in a social role.

The social role exists because there are women.

Here is a thought I had about this whole ‘thinking like a woman’ carry on:

My DH is very much a man. He is very tall, strong, hairy, has a beard and a penis. He was born male and would never think he was anything but.
However, he has no interest in any kind of sport, is extremely caring of others and all living creatures (he has been a vegetarian for 30 years and will never hurt any other kind of living creature), he has a lower sex drive, he doesn’t cat call or abuse women, he is the lower earner in our relationship, he is fantastic with small children, he has never thrown a punch in anger, he tends to lead the interior decor of our house, he loves to come clothes shopping with me.

He grew up in a household where his mother went to work and his dad was at home, very unusual in the 80s.

He would never say he ‘thinks like a woman’ but would certainly say that he doesn’t think like a stereotypical man.

Being a woman means being at risk of male violence, aren't you worried that predatory men could exploit self-id?
If being a woman means being 'kinder' why wouldn't you want to be kind to abused women who want single-sex spaces? Why wouldn't you be kind to economically-disadvantaged girls in the US who need sports scholarships?
If being a woman (to you) means being less controlling are you dismayed at how certain trans activists are trying to control the women's rights debate?

Have you had any female partners (of the biologically female variety) and were you honest with them about the extent of your desire to transition or did you lie to them about it, and reveal it gradually? Do you have any children?

I do mean I think like a woman. My whole life is through the lens of being a woman. In many ways it is all I have ever known.

Could you expand on what you mean by this; perhaps with some examples?

For me, apart from the specific & obvious feminine bodily experiences such as menstruation, pregnancy and breastfeeding, I'm really not sure what it is to 'feel like a woman'. I'd say that much of any identification with being a woman is due to outside forces: the nature of the relationship between the self and society. Femininity can be a costume one assumes as one leaves the front door, or a role one assumes in society. But being a woman is a given - and results from biology.

It does seem to me that for trans people gender is a performance; a set of clothes and practiced, observed mannerisms - but the deeper sex most often shows through.

why is the OP wearing clothes that aren't comfortable to work? why not wear their comfy pants to work?

I don’t own any clothes / shoes that aren’t comfy. Why would you?

And if women are defined by being kind, then does that mean all the transactivists who have committed crimes, tried to shut down women-only rape shelters, threatened & intimidated women are not actually women by the OP’s definition?

in that the sex is usually self evident. Most trans people don't pass at all.

I guess I'd ask what living as a woman means to you?

To me being a woman has arise out of first of all being a girl; experiencing puberty and developing secondary sexual characteristics; and then further due to sexual experience, the experience of pregnancy and then childbirth. My womanhood felt most powerful and deeply experienced at these times. All else is social negotiation and relationship within the context of a largely patriarchal set-up.