Dads to be are 2nd class citizens on the labour ward because they don't get offered a cup of tea...

[FromDespairToHere]

Hope the link works: www.thedadsnet.com/forums/topic/2nd-class-citizens/?fbclid=IwAR2ah6KP7KIIY1RD5EebUKOBdolCcuI6w2kDndAiZoTBqc2WVWif-HFCeaY

How dare he not be the centre of attention while his wife is giving birth?

Thankfully most of the other men on the forum are quick enough to tell him he's a knob.

I think support in labour is very important, and that men shouldn't wander off at will if their wives or girlfriends want them to stay (as an ex NHS worker, you'd be surprised how much this happens when women are in labour). But to not allow your husband to nip out for a sarnie in 5 days is shockingly unreasonable, unlikely for most and absolutely not a reason as to why already tight resources should be spent on what is essentially a glorified visitor

It’s not feasible. It’s not a hotel. The only reason breastfeeding mothers get a meal provided is because that is effectively feeding the patient. Formula fed babies get formula provided.
The parent is a visitor if the patient. Visitors feed themselves.

Then they go home for half an hour and get some stuff together

Your finances are t the hospitals problem to solve

The NHS isn't funded to provide it.

There are lots of things that the NHS isn't funded to provide but doesn't think twice about - paying for transport to and from hospital for patients who can pay for it themselves is just one example. This is an issue that has an impact on the patient and should be funded.

I work on a ward in an NHS hospital. Food is sent in from outside (a main kitchen at another hospital in the same trust).

We have 32 patients on our ward. We are sent exactly 32 meals. And not generous portions either! We don’t even have spares if someone has changed their mind since ordering. Giving food to a relative would mean not being able to feed a patient.

I’m aware it doesn’t look like that as it comes up on a trolley - and is served our buffet restaurant style on the ward. But those trays of food are small for 32 people. And there is no way of getting more if you run out!

Ahh, was nobody doing any wife work for him?!

Shocking. THIS IS WHAT I PAY MY TAXES FOR!! - highly trained professionals to stick the kettle on for Johnny Lazy Bollocks.

Omg mouse stop twisting everything that everyone says!
You dramatically declared your dh had no food or water for 5 days. Then you admit that he actually had kitkats and coke. And that relatives could bring food. And that you had a bathroom in your room. So he didn't ACTUALLY go without food or drink for 5 days. You're just annoyed that he wasn't catered for by the hospital? And now you've started this ridiculous 'whataboutery' which has no relevance at all.

🙄

Then they go home for half an hour and get some stuff together

Can you honestly not comprehend how many people aren't just "half an hour" away from even their nearest hospital?

Our local hospital is a good hour's bus journey from my house, each way. 2 buses, each way, so about £10 fare for a return journey.

I could drive which is much quicker, but then paying a small fortune (about £3/hour) car park fees.

That's without the patient being admitted to a regional centre - we have no cardiac care at our local hospital, nor trauma care. Those patients are taken into London so 15 odd miles away.

That isn't right that parents in these circumstances can't be with their child because they can't afford it.

But to not allow your husband to nip out for a sarnie in 5 days is shockingly unreasonable,

Yes undoubtedly I was unreasonable. I was also scared and in pain. It didn't help that the midwife would come in to say that such and such needed to be done, but could give no time frame (ok I get they are busy, drs are busy etc etc) but I didn't want them to do stuff, like try to break my waters through a barely open cervix which was agony, while I was on my own and you had no way of knowing when they were coming to do it - might be now, in half an hour or in 2 hours.

But yes, I get that I was unreasonable and not fair to my husband. Seems he couldn't win though - if he had just gone and left me he would be slammed as being entitled and making it all about him. As it was, he made it all about me, did everything that I asked and now he's unreasonable for not just walking out to get food when he wanted it and leaving me to get on with it.

CoffeeRunner

Yes I know how ward catering works.

I am not suggesting you unofficially do this.

I am saying that NHS management need to recognise that on some wards there is a need for this and budget and cater for it as necessary.

I was in hospital recently. The menu was huge. The variety was superb. On top of the main menu, which had a hit meal at lunch and dinner, plus soup and a dessert or choices of sandwiches, salads, jacket potatoes with a variety of fillings, omelettes, and snacks there was also a kosher menu, a halal menu and I was given a choice of ordering from different cultural menus too.

Now if that hospital is capable of supplying that vast choice of food to patients, I think that it should be possible to offer a limited number of long stay relatives a meal too.

Am I the only one wondering how this poor Dad is going to cope once the baby is born and his wife will be unable to give him 100% of her attention to him 100% of the time?

Hospitals feed patients, and the breastfeeding mums of patients. That's it.

I was given breakfast when I was in hospital with my breastfed DD. I had a bed next to her cot. I had to sort lunch & dinner out myself - between my DH & Mum bringing sandwiches, and then visiting in the evening so I could nip to the canteen, I coped. That's what 'adulting' is - coping in terrifying circumstances. DD was not left alone. DH had to have time off work to look after the other children - my mum came in and sat with DD while I popped home to have a bath on day 3. I still remember how luxurious that bath felt.

These fathers/relatives/visitors - are adults - they can sort their own food. The NHS simply doesn't have the resources to be feeding and watering the husbands of women in labour.

And I really do think you could have let your DH pop to the canteen for some food, Mouse - during a 5 day labour. You needed him by your side for every minute of 5 whole days and nights? - seems a bit extreme. I was bloody terrified when DD was hospitalised - I still managed to get myself some food.

Mouse, you were unreasonable, in a way which is not your fault and is completely understandable. However, it was still unreasonable and the NHS can't be expected to cater to the extreme demands of a tiny minority of patients (having your dh with you is reasonable, not allowing him to leave your side for 5 days and nights is not) who are seemingly unable to sort out their own food arrangements (eg by someone else bringing in supplies). Either he has no friends or he sounds a bit dozy not to have organised something himself.

They did have colleagues bring him food and there was a FOOD TROLLEY that he could buy snacks from. Not great nutrition but not an issue for a day or two...

There are lots of things that the NHS isn't funded to provide but doesn't think twice about - paying for transport to and from hospital for patients who can pay for it themselves is just one example. This is an issue that has an impact on the patient and should be funded.

Lol. For the patient. They provide it for the patient and that's unreasonable. But dh having to provide his own dinner is terribly unfair.

I suppose we're lucky you haven't started in on how unfair it is your dh didn't get a taxi paid for to your room.

20 years ago mouse's husband got rubbish meals for 5 whole days.

Tis very terrible and some sort of religion should be founded on how he survived the 5 days on nothing but KitKats and food from family friends a trolly, and the very far away canteen

The same ol' me-railer turning up on another of these threads.

20 years ago mouse's husband got rubbish meals for 5 whole days.

And water from a tap in the lav, Guy! That, too!

Tapwater?

And they say turning water into wine is a miracle!

'Getting me, as a patient, to sit with my sister when she was on the ante natal ward in labour, was solely done to lessen the work load on the midwives'

So in return the least that could have been provided is a decent quality tasting menu with matched wines :D

This is what we pay our taxes for right?

Amirite?

This is the sort of attitude where the post birth woman feels compelled to share her dinner with her OH isn't it.

I'm beginning to feel like on balance, the men can stay away...

Or just give it all to him because she's not really hungry honestly have it, it's fine...

Yep, as I said, hilarious isn't it how the poor care that I received in my first pregnancy and labour then made it impossible for me to cope in my 2nd?

I suppose we're lucky you haven't started in on how unfair it is your dh didn't get a taxi paid for to your room.

And no, i don't think that at all. Same as I didn't think that a couple of weeks ago when I was discharged from hospital and not well enough to get the train home and they suggested they booked transport for me - we declined and paid the £40 cab fare ourselves. Same as I think that everyone who can do, should. Hence my post about providing transport for those who could pay for it themselves.

I would prioritise money into other areas. I think providing food and drink for long stay relatives is important. I don't think paying for transport for patients who could ask relatives for a lift or pay for a cab is important, but that is what currently happens.

So this man in the OP was super reasonable really, he only wanted tea fgs not for Michel roux junior to come in and prepare stuffed squid to order like a lot of people want :D

Derail derail derail

He had two arms and legs to go and get some tea. The staff are not waiters. It's not a restaurant.

And you're still at it christ doesn't derailing threads get boring?

'How could he have survived 5 days without food or water?'

He didn't have to did he.