Dads to be are 2nd class citizens on the labour ward because they don't get offered a cup of tea...

[FromDespairToHere]

Hope the link works: www.thedadsnet.com/forums/topic/2nd-class-citizens/?fbclid=IwAR2ah6KP7KIIY1RD5EebUKOBdolCcuI6w2kDndAiZoTBqc2WVWif-HFCeaY

How dare he not be the centre of attention while his wife is giving birth?

Thankfully most of the other men on the forum are quick enough to tell him he's a knob.

I believe another poster made the point that hospitals in America do provide all these things and in a hotel like atmosphere.

The cost is more than a private room in the Lindo wing. Dh can make his own fucking tea.

Im sure if we all played Pregnancy top trumps

I've got no interest in playing pregnancy top trumps Guyliner

Equally I've got no interest in laughing at other women's experiences either or trying to belittle what they went through.

Honestly, why do some women on here think that it is ok to belittle, ridicule and put down other women and their experiences?

@LittleChristmasMouse stop derailing. It isn't about your husband's experience, which was nothing like the man in the article.

I don't think that NHS staff should be ensuring that birth partners get cups of tea, or that they are fed like patients, as a general rule. In exceptional circumstances then it would up to each individual midwife to decide to do something different to the norm.

More importantly, birth is not an "experience" for the birth partner. The principle should be that they are there in a supportive role to the woman actually in labour/giving birth.

Sounds like your DH has moaned to you at length about how awful those 5 days without adequate sustenance were for him. Otherwise how would you know? I don’t have clue what my DH did about food & drink when I was in labour. He has certainly never mentioned it to me - I produced a baby, I don’t need another one tellling me how hungry he was while I did it.

Christmasmouse - put this squarely back on your DH - if he felt hard done to, he can campaign for a vending machine in the labour ward, don’t let him make it your or any other woman’s problem- including the healthcare staff.

Ofgs mouse. Don’t try the emosh on me.

I was laughing at your husband not being able to get himself some food and drink.

Simple. And you know it

Honestly, why do some women on here think that it is ok to belittle, ridicule and put down other women and their experiences?

No where on this thread has this happened. You have however, for reasons known only to yourself decided to completely derail this thread. Ive bitten unfortunately and given you the attention you require but im going to stop now. Feel free to chat to yourself.

don’t have clue what my DH did about food & drink when I was in labour. He has certainly never mentioned it to me - I produced a baby, I don’t need another one tellling me how hungry he was while I did it.

Come to think of it I have no idea either! I had packed food for myself which I forgot about and luckily remembered after everyone had gone to bed not that I would have shared anway

Sounds like your DH has moaned to you at length about how awful those 5 days without adequate sustenance were for him. Otherwise how would you know? I

He has never mentioned it - I have eyes in my head and saw what he had.

And If you want me to stop posting then stop tagging me in posts and misrepresenting what I have said.

I do not expect any member of staff to make drinks or provide food. I do think that the NHS should consider relatives/visitors that are in the hospital for extended periods of time for whatever the reason.

And time and again I have said that this hospital is long demolished. What exactly would you like my husband to campaign for? Neither of us have any idea what provision there is in the new hospital - never been there and never will go there.

Both of us do actively campaign for research and better treatment for mothers affected by pre eclampsia so I think we are doing our bit to change the experience for other women.

There is a sense of entitlement about getting tea. Some relatives rock up on wards and before they have taken their coat off, are asking where their cup of tea is 🙄. Maybe the guy on dadsnet didn’t think he was being acknowledged enough? Maybe like when a man cleans the bathroom and wants some kind of certificate or medal?

Maybe like when a man cleans the bathroom and wants some kind of certificate or medal?

That's really what it's about isnt it.

That's really what it's about isnt it

He will be "babysitting" next

Honestly I dont think.id let these men take the baby out . If they cant think to pack.food or have a contingency for if things take longer than expected then they sure as hell wont remember to change a nappy or make a bottle.

Although given they can get through a shift at work just fine and arrange to go out with their friends and remember their phone charger , one.might well assume the whole point of this supposed incompetence was on purpose to avoid being left alone with the baby.

There was a trolley. There was water. There was food less than a mile away (amazed if there wasn't).

Now the complaint is the quality of food. Its not healthy to live on Crisps and soft drinks for 5 days. But you said all you wanted was a vending machine. That will contain what... Crisps and soft drinks.

Make your mind up.

You're derailing.

MenuPlant
I am not complaining, and nor was my husband, about the "unhealthy" food. We just got on with it. Is it great? No.

My entire point is that I don't think it is reasonable for birth partners (or parents staying in the hospital or relatives staying for days in ICU) to not have a way of being able to get even a drink. Are there vending machines on labour wards now? I don't know.

As for food - again, I don't think it's ok for long stay relatives to be expected to exist on crisps and chocolate bars - and I'm not saying on labour wards necessarily, but across the hospital.

As for food - again, I don't think it's ok for long stay relatives to be expected to exist on crisps and chocolate bars - and I'm not saying on labour wards necessarily, but across the hospital

But most hospitals have canteens. There are usually shops near by.

If they wont leave to get it then that's their problem. Not the hospitals to fix.

They don't have to. They can go to the hospital shop or canteen or vending machines, or bring their own supplies. A very minor thing to sort out. No big deal.

So vending machine and trolley food not good enough

Canteen food too expensive

People shouldn't have to leave to get food

Yet you claim you arent expecting them to be waited on?
Is the food gonna be beamed down by aliens or something?

Ugh. There was a guy like this when I was in having DD. Kicking off and very loudly complaining that 'surely theres someone who has time to make me a coffe rather than expecting me to sit with nothing'

Another moaned as he was asked to go home come the night time and there were spare beds on the ward we were on so he 'might aswell get to stay, it afects noone'.

I shit you not, when I went in with DS, there was a guy in the waiting room bit co mplaining about the noise, while some poor woman seemed to go into transition while still waiting on a room! She was exagerrating apparently. I could really have killed them but luckily, enough complained that staff chucked them out for a bit (not for the comment as such, but they were getting more and more worked up and aggresive with each passing moment) at which stage theey started moaning about sexism and said no way would staff throw out a woman regardless of behaviour..

It realy was bizarre, some of the entitlement I saw. You expect it really, but not to the extent it goes sometimes.

Canteen food too expensive

This isn't the point of the thread but yes, canteen food is expensive if you have to buy 2 or 3 meals a day there for a few days or longer. Buying every drink and every meal there you would easily spend £10 a day at least. Plenty of people in this country and living in poverty or very close and just don't have that money spare. Many parents rely on food banks. Should they not be able to stay in hospital with their child then, because they don't have money to spend on food?

So yes, I do think that parents staying on paeds wards should be fed while they are there.

@SarahTancredi people need to bring their own food. That’s what a lot of NHS staff do!

So while people wait hours for their medication or even to be taken to the toilet they have to feed family who refuse to leave or who sit their breaking the 2 visitor rule.and stressing out the other patients all because they are too stupid or too incapable to sort something out fir themselves

Glad you made yourself clear on that.

LittleChristmasMouse Did you read my post about what the NHS is funded for?

As in legally funded for? Not what the "I pay my taxes" brigade wish to believe.

The NHS is not funded to provide food and drink for visitors.

Why are you conflating issues?

If patients are waiting for medication or to go to the toilet then they ward is short staffed (which would be made worse if the parents weren't there to supplement the nursing care by taking child (patient) to the toilet, washing them, feeding them, entertaining them.

They aren't breaking the 2 visitor rule or staying past visiting time - a parent is encouraged to stay on the paeds ward. That is the norm. And meals are usually served by domestic staff, with nurses helping so giving the parent a meal at the same time as the patient isn't adding to the work load.

Getting me, as a patient, to sit with my sister when she was on the ante natal ward in labour, was solely done to lessen the work load on the midwives. Getting me to get my dad on and off of a bed pan and commode when he was in hospital was done to lessen the work load on the nurses ("Oh his nurse is on his break. Can he wait until she comes back? If not the sluice is over there if you want to get him a bed pan"!!!!)

So, given that visitors are very much relied upon in some areas I do think that the NHS should consider providing food when the relative stays in with the patient.

And you are conflating the poor practice of a hospital who mishandled births with the need of people who arent even patients.

You are not hostages. You can leave any time you want.of you choose not to that is on you. What you dont do is be selfish enough to think that you should be fed when you arent eventhe patient and theres a costa five mins away

I do think that the NHS should consider providing food when the relative stays in with the patient.

You may think that. The NHS isn't funded to provide it.

Who can leave anytime they want?

Do you mean a parent whose child is an inpatient? Maybe they can't afford to eat in Costa every day for a week? Maybe the parent lives on benefits or is having to take unpaid time off from work from an already poorly paid job anyway and yet still pay tent and bills and maybe childcare fees and can't afford upwards of £10 a day to buy food and drink from Costa for the length of time that the child is in hospital?

Or maybe in your world only well off parents are allowed to stay with their child and anyone else is simply "entitled"?
And if you think the care that my relatives received in hospital is a one off then you are very mistaken.

Most hospitals are reliant on relatives carrying out tasks that would have been done by nurses when I was a nurse.