Dads to be are 2nd class citizens on the labour ward because they don't get offered a cup of tea...

[FromDespairToHere]

Hope the link works: www.thedadsnet.com/forums/topic/2nd-class-citizens/?fbclid=IwAR2ah6KP7KIIY1RD5EebUKOBdolCcuI6w2kDndAiZoTBqc2WVWif-HFCeaY

How dare he not be the centre of attention while his wife is giving birth?

Thankfully most of the other men on the forum are quick enough to tell him he's a knob.

We talking about men asking for cups of tea and feeling left out

Isn't the thread about one man who asked for a cup of tea and instead got his arse handed to him on a plate- by other men?

I do wonder if there's not something to be said for keeping fathers out. I didn't want my husband to be present. I didn't want anyone to be present except medical staff but it's assumed you will want partners there. As it turned out a planned elective caesarean was ideal for me- he was there but kept well away from the business end of the event.

And I just can't even with the dude who wanted to be equal in the experience wow.

Wouldn't you just like that to come true for him...

The only form of pain relief I had in labour was a TENS machine hired from Boots. I wasn't convinced it was doing much so DH, wanting to help in any way he could, kept helpfully twiddling the dial up.

Later, before returning it, for some reason he wanted to try it (still on the setting I'd last had it on) .. and yelped at the pain it inflicted. I think he was a bit in awe of me after that...

I do wonder if there's not something to be said for keeping fathers out. I didn't want my husband to be present

The preceding anecdote apart, my DH was genuinely supportive and I'm glad he was there, but it absolutely should be the mother's choice who she has with her.

Well I didn't get offered tea,or coffee or water.
And I was either drugged out of my mind,too tired or maybe I simply don't remember but things happened that I wasn't told about or asked permission for.

Somehow I managed to get over it and not fucking whinge.

A cup of tea! Pfft!

It was so inconsiderate of his poor DW not to have packed him some mini cheddars and a bottle of pop the poor lamb.

I wonder how much of the experience he’ll want to share when the baby is balling its lungs out at two hour intervals through the night, or sprinkling piss in the air each time its nappy is removed and projectile shitting three feet across the room, or chundering milk all down his back five minutes before he has to leave for work?

Oh the joys of new parenthood.

Not sure of the sex of the baby so don’t know which pronoun, and I wouldn’t like to misgender the poor might. Sorry, calling a baby it sounds awful.

It's funny to see what a man thinks "equality" for him looks like. So oppressed.

I’m actually surprised he was t offered a drink or told where to get one, at our hospital there’s tea and coffee available 24/7 for patients and their partners to help themselves to and we were both bought drinks over a couple of times.

My goodness there are some fragile males on the Internet tonight. Is the nasty midwife not looking at you enough? Diddums. Here's a wild thought - it's not about you. For once, just once, it's about your female partner. You know, the one who's actually a patient? The one in excruciating pain going through an extremely distressing and risky procedure. And you moan about a cup of tea or not being made to feel "visible"? Grow up!

You wanna feel fully involved at your child's birth? Then involve yourself. Get stuck in, put your phone down, help your wife, plump pillows, go get her chocolate - and if she doesn't want you to leave the room, stay and live without the tea. Don't expect the busy midwives to placate your need to for attention when you're not even the patient!

God I'm lucky I have my DH. He STFU through all my births, did as he was told, held my hand and never expected anything more than staff other than be allowed to cut the cord.

Zebras and Errol

It's the utter impertinence of assuming that a woman giving birth & her medical team should make room for him to share the experience. He couldn't be more self absorbed.

Reminds me of this:

ALittleBitOfVitriol It's always about the men isn't it.

After all, she's having his baby It's his miracle too. Never mind that she's just grown the baby in her own body for nine months, and is now giving birth - it's his experience too. Midwives must just dote on him, simply for being there

Meh - I'm wondering if we should banish the lot of them tbh. (Not entirely serious - my DH was fine, if a bit "rabbit caught in the headlights") Just my detached, woman-centric analysis.

Isn't the thread aboutoneman who asked for a cup of tea and instead got his arse handed to him on a plate- by other men?

Well yes this one man but also certain male posters on the thread who think they should be looked after as well. Have you ever watched one Born Every Minute Lass? There's always one man who manages to make it all about him. You also get get regular threads from women saying their hudband wants his family at the birth for "support".

o wonder if there's not something to be said for keeping fathers out. I didn't want my husband to be present. I didn't want anyone to be present except medical staff but it's assumed you will want partners there. As it turned out a planned elective caesarean was ideal for me- he was there but kept well away from the business end of the even

Apparently women labour faster without men. I think there is definitely something to be said that the assumption should not be that men will be there (unless they are actively wanted by their partner.)

Apparently women labour faster without men

Hmm, wonder if this was why the midwife sent my OH away for a few hours in the middle of the day at my last birth, she told him to go off and 'take a break' because it was a long labour.

He's an entitled manbaby but thankfully, judging by the responses, appears to be in a minority.

Guyliner has said pretty much everything I want to say already.

I am amazed that Dad’s are served breakfast on the postnatal ward though - as many of you know I have a seriously ill DD (7) and pretty much live in the children’s hospital, sleeping on a pull down bed beside her, or in Ronald McDonald House or the parents emergency room (which has no windows!) when she has been in PICU or HDU.

I occasionally get offered a coffee and a biscuit. Otherwise I, and all the other parents, fend for ourselves. I often eat my daughter’s left overs though, because she hates me to leave her bedside even for a wee or a shower, let alone a meal. Sometimes I have a jacket potato in the staff canteen at midnight, because it’s the only time she doesn’t need me.

So yes, Mouse your husband can walk to a cafe in another building when you are being induced! Crikey!

So yes, Mouse your husband can walk to a cafe in another building when you are being induced! Crikey!

My mum recently spent a lot of time by my dad's bedside in hospital, and the cafe and close at 5 and there are no other buildings nearby.
This meant she really struggled to get any food at all out of hours, except crisps and chocolate bars from a vending machine.

That's my experience too Betty. Hospitals provide food for patients, not their family.

I do not believe you mouse that the canteen was a mile away.

Sorry, where did I say the canteen was a mile away?

It was a very old (since demolished) cottage hospital. The maternity unit was built in the 60s but the rest of the hospital was made up of lots of separate buildings, spread out across the grounds. The canteen was in one of these buildings, which was quite a walk from the labour ward. So, by the time you had walked out of labour ward, got lift down to ground floor, walked out of the building and over to canteen, that would easily take 15 mins and then do the return journey.

I also never said he didn't have a speck of food. Why do you post outright lies about what I said and then accuse me of derailing by making it about me? Why should I not reply when you accuse me of lying and then misrepresent what I said Guyliner?

BettyDuMonde

Yes, he could have walked to the canteen. But I did not want him to leave because of what was happening to me and because of what had happened to me during my previous delivery.

And I don't think it is right that parents staying with their children aren't fed either. Having a child in hospital can be so very expensive and many parents can't afford to buy hospital food for days on end.

Hahaha. The starving mouse husband. Lost for 5 days and nights like a wee blind mole in a field

I'm glad that my experience is so funny for you @littlbrowndog.

I'm glad that me having a life threatening condition and nearly losing 2 babies has provided you with so much entertainment and that something which still affects me more than 20 years later is something that you feel gives you the right to poke fun at me about.

So you think it's better for the birthing partner to leave the woman in labour alone to go and get something to eat? Good for you when it's your delivery.

Why not? Unless your husband is also the obstetrician his presence is nice to have but not necessary.

And FWIW, I gave birth to one of my babies without my DH present because he was in the armed forces and couldn't get home in time. Lots of women manage do the same.

However, I agree, a vending machine would be a good idea. Although that would have meant your DH living on coke and Kit Kats for five days.

The NHS was established is and funded to investigate and treat patients. And only patients.

Most HCP will try to offer tea to relatives of patients at the end of life and other very sick people, when they can. But please remember it isn't funded, and it isn't their job.

And if you see relatives being given tea, perhaps think why that might be?

@BettyDuMonde for you and your daughter.

Mouse you are being ridiculous. I am very sorry you had a hard time. We are very lucky that we live in times where maternal and infant mortality rate is very high. Child birth is dangerous. If you know anything about history many women and children didnt make it out of childbirth. The result is now that many of us have actually had terrible births but lived to tell the tale. I am sure that at least one of my children wouldn't have made it in another time, it was pretty terrible and I had to do it all over again a year later due to a surprise pregnancy. Im sure if we all played Pregnancy top trumps we'd have some terrible stories to tell. None of that changes the fact that women are the patient and men don't get to complain about missing the "experience". In fact, it is precisely because it is so fucking risky that we are all discussing how ridiculous it is that men have these complaints.

Another thread about general provision for all visitors in hospitals would probably be very useful. Why don't you start one?

Although that would have meant your DH living on coke and Kit Kats for five days.
That is what he did anyway, other than when some of my colleagues brought a sandwich in for him. The trolley was only one of those newsagent trolley shops that goes round selling papers and sweets and crisps.

And it was me who didn't want him to leave. Yes, I know women give birth alone, but I didn't want to and I wanted him there.