How would you feel about having a male midwide

[Lardlizard]

Just interested in the points of view

I don't think if mind at all.
After my first baby I really struggled to establish breast feeding. Lots of nurses helped me but the one that made the biggest difference and had the most patience and empathy was the one male nurse I came in to contact with. I'll always remember how helpful he was.

No, don’t think so.

Wouldn't bother me. My consultant is male as is my GP.

I wouldn't want a male midwife and would be very unhappy if one suddenly appeared to look after me without me being asked if I was comfortable with one.

I’d be quite happy to receive care from a male midwife if needed. But I can imagine lots of scenarios where women wouldn’t want to.

Before giving birth I probably would have said I would have felt shy about it. Having now given birth (with several male members of staff present - was prepped for a caesarean but ended up delivering with ventouse, seemed to be about 20 people in the room) I can honestly say I wouldn’t care, they’re just doing a job.

No thanks.

I had a male midwife, and a male doctor and both were wonderful. The fact that a midwife was male wouldn't bother me at all, just that he was well suited to his job.

I had one. Thought I would be fine with it but in fact I wasn’t. But how much of it was him being an abusive dick and how much was him being male I don’t know. I nearly filed a formal complaint.

Male midwife? Wouldn’t bother me at all. He’d see it all, day in, day out.

My DH being at the head end? Totally different matter - I’d be planning on having sex with him at some point in the future!

I had one. He was absolutely brilliant, but faced a lot of unkindness and bullying about his choice of profession.

It wouldn't make the slightest bit of difference to me.

It wouldn't bother me.

I had a male midwife with my third baby. They asked me if it was ok and I said yes, although, looking back, they kind of put me on the spot and I was in full blown labour at the time and there was nobody else available. There was also a trainee one present most of the time who was female. He was very good and I didnt feel uncomfortable. I think it helped that he was very obviously gay. I'm not sure how I would have felt if that hadn't been clear, which is silly really as I've had lots of male doctors poking about.

I guess if we have male doctors and surgeons treating us then a male midwife should be no different. I think there should be the option to say no though when you're not comfortable - which im sure there is, like with students being present etc.

For me personally it would totally depend on the individual themselves. However I can well understand why a woman would not want a male care provider here and would be very annoyed if I HAD to have one. The right of a woman (and men) to have same sex providers of routine intimate care is extremely important.

I would also wonder as to motivation - there are many fields a male provider could go into, why choose this one? I’m afraid ten years ago I’d have been all for it, but now I’ve seen so much Male fetishisation of female body functions, including pregnancy, that I’m far less sympathetic.

I really don't understand why this would be a problem? Why does it matter what sex they are? They are there to deliver your baby safely. Both male and females have had the exact same training.

If this was something to do with a man saying they didn't want a female to do something, people would be kicking off. It's ridiculous.

But hey that's just my opinion

Honestly? Not happy. I didn’t mind my male gynaecologist at all when he did an external exam on me during labour. He was very polite and respectful and I felt safe.

My midwives, I spent hours and hours with them, boobs flopping out, bum out of the gown, I had to show them my bloodied pad and the contents of my toilet bowl. I just don’t think I’d have felt so comfortable with a man. And I think a lot of women would request a female due to culture/religious reasons. But thinking about it, I do know of a male midwife and he is gay. I think I’d be more comfortable with him. Interested in other people’s opinions though.

although, looking back, they kind of put me on the spot and I was in full blown labour at the time and there was nobody else available.

Then it was no choice at all. That’s what I worry about - women being given this non-choice and feeling forced by socialisation or circumstances to agree. That’s not a free choice.

Nope, but then males need chaperoning.

I wouldn't want to be left alone in a room at a most vulnerable time with a male having access whenever to touch and do whatever. Not in labour no.

I also think its quite sad that women end up letting their boundaries totally get walked over because they have been.

You don't have much of a voice in labour and its frequently taken advantage of with 'teams' of men turning up for a gawp.

The saying is so true in those cases, leave your dignity at the door, and it has to stop.

If this was something to do with a man saying they didn't want a female to do something, people would be kicking off. It's ridiculous.

If a male patient requested a male carer for intimate care, or a male practitioner for a prostate exam then that should be respected too. Training isn’t the issue - the comfort of the patient is and should be paramount. Requesting, and having the genuine ability to refuse is important.

*getting

I would strongly prefer a female midwife for pre and post natal care. Preferably one who has given birth herself, although this is a secondary preference. For the actual birth I feel somewhat more neutral, as there are generally a few people present - at least in my case.

I really don't understand why this would be a problem? Why does it matter what sex they are?

Really? You are unable to imagine reasons why women might prefer another female for intimate care?

I would rather not but would if I was desperate.

They had to hit the emergency button with DS1 as I was hemorrhaging, I was pretty much out of it and don't remember a whole lot but I do remember being a bit disconcerted by the male Dr sewing me back up. Better than bleeding out but still a little bit of nagging discomfort there despite that. It might not had been an issue if the tears hadn't been as bad I suppose.

There was one in the team on the ward I was on (I was there for a few weeks). We were told we could opt out if we didn’t want a male midwife but if an emergency occurred while he was on duty we may not have a choice about him involved in our care. As 2/3rds of the medical team were male anyway we wouldn’t have a choice of all female care anyway. He was a nice man, I knew him from work, which made it a bit weird!
Staff rotation meant he was never assigned to me apart from general care (he was actually a bit of a godsend as he had more free time to just sit and chat - perhaps because women opted out of his care?).
However, we should always have a choice. Always.