Miss/Ms/Mrs

[gigi556]

I'm getting married next month. I'm not taking my husbands surname.

Bit of background which may or may not be relevant... I'm an American living in the UK for many many years. I'm also an Italian national but identify more as American which is where I grew up. As an Italian, I'm not allowed to change my surname so makes the issue a bit of a moot point. However, given the choice I'd rather keep my name anyway.

Do most people use Ms once married if they keep their name or would they have used it before then anyway? I've always used Miss without giving it much thought. I guess I've never liked the sound of Ms. Silly I know. Even though the point of using it is to be neutral, the connotation to me is feminist (not a bad thing but perhaps negative to some in society?) or divorced. Maybe I should buy a title so I don't have to use any of them

Thoughts? Maybe these prefixes should be done away with for everyone. It's not something my other half has to think about at all!

That is the exact point that Camille Parliament was making about the invention of Ms - it’s about conferring status on an unmarried adult woman.

For me, I could think of nothing worse than being associated with my ex

For me, I could think of nothing worse than being associated with my father.

Well take your mother's name, then.

Or make up a new one entirely. Which I would’ve done if any of this had been important to me before I qualified/published.

Bikerunski 🙄

I don't live in the UK and it never really comes up. People don't use titles here apart from occasionally priests. But I always check Ms when booking flight tickets if the airlines want me to specify for some unknown reason (why would it matter?). I'm not divorced and I'm not married either.

I think Ms is the best option out of a selection of completely unnecessary options. I am quite happy for people to think of me as 'a bit feminist' or even 'aggressively feminist', although I don't think I'm all that aggressive really. In fact I'd be delighted.

Why does adding an extra surname equate to a "fundamental change in my identity"?

If people want to assume I was never married by me using Miss then woohooooooooooooooooo! I wish I never had have been!

Not changing my surname, adding on his surname too. If he wants to DB too then great. For me it's recognising that I belong in two great families now.

And my answer is it's choice and he can do with his surname what he likes 😊

*his

He has his own viewpoint as a free-thinker?

I am Dr. and use that in professional setting; if Dr. option not listed, then Ms Mybirthname.

I did use "Mrs Hubbyname" just as a convention for primary/secondary kids' school as easier for teachers/kids, but everything else, passport, GP, my publications as author, tax papers, etc. in my own name.

My birth name, however, is my father's name. I could take my mum's surname, which I like a lot, but that's my grandfather's surname.

Ach, there is no escaping the patriarchy.

But I loathe, really loathe, when we receive xmas cards to "Mrs and Mr Hubbyname". They are sent by nice, kind people (often the elderly ones!) so I do not feel like telling them off but I can't stand it.

I got married a few days ago. I have remained Ms Pacino. I didn't realise quite how much people really really object to the idea until they understood that I was serious and no, I wasn't changing my name.

Family keep calling me Mrs HisSurname, one particular person at work keeps calling me Mrs HisSurname. I find it unbearably rude and need to find a backbone and tell them to stop but they are convinced they are in the right and I am somehow being silly and juvenile. "Legally you are Mrs HisSurname, despite what you want to pretend" - is a gem I have heard a fair few times in the last 10 days. People are really invested in maintaining this.

I think the conventional pattern is still to lose the woman's birth name upon marriage or whatever is it I'm supposed to call it now, but I stand corrected if I'm wrong?

I have my reasons why as I've explained, his are his.

“He has his own viewpoint as a free-thinker?”

Yep. What do you think led him to having that view?

Clearly he is anti-feminism?! Why else would he keep his own surname upon marriage and not change it to mine or DB it?!!

Despite my MN name, I am Ms Birthsurname. Have been whilst single, married and widowed.