Miss/Ms/Mrs

[gigi556]

I'm getting married next month. I'm not taking my husbands surname.

Bit of background which may or may not be relevant... I'm an American living in the UK for many many years. I'm also an Italian national but identify more as American which is where I grew up. As an Italian, I'm not allowed to change my surname so makes the issue a bit of a moot point. However, given the choice I'd rather keep my name anyway.

Do most people use Ms once married if they keep their name or would they have used it before then anyway? I've always used Miss without giving it much thought. I guess I've never liked the sound of Ms. Silly I know. Even though the point of using it is to be neutral, the connotation to me is feminist (not a bad thing but perhaps negative to some in society?) or divorced. Maybe I should buy a title so I don't have to use any of them

Thoughts? Maybe these prefixes should be done away with for everyone. It's not something my other half has to think about at all!

I am married, replaced my father’s last name with my husbands for many reasons personal to me (kept my mothers last name which I also had), am a feminist, and go by Ms.

If someone calls me Miss or Mrs though I don’t care, it’s more when filling or forms and such where there is an election I will write Ms.

In Europe terms like Madame and Senora generally denote an older woman whereas Mademoiselle and Senorita are for a younger female.

Terms like Maîtresse tend not to fly.

I've always used Ms, so continued when we married, but I know one person who changed her honorative to Mrs but kept her surname. Keep using Miss if you want - theres no rules on it!

Yes, as can 'Frau'. And Mrs used to be used for unmarried adult women in the U.K. It's been suggested on similar threads in the past that using miss for girls and Mrs for adult women would be fine - equivalent to Master/Mister for males. But that's not likely to happen.

No one uses "master", though. DS (who is 2) has been Mr from birth! We do get letters addressed to him as Mr which is mildly amusing.

"Ms is slowly dying."

I completely disagree with that Mockers. I think it never took off in speech, but is becoming increasingly common in writing, used not just when a woman has chosen Ms, but when you don't know a woman's marital status or choice of title. I always use Ms at work, unless I already know the woman uses a different title.

"In Europe terms like Madame and Senora generally denote an older woman whereas Mademoiselle and Senorita are for a younger female."

Only if you think 30 is older. Women under a certain age (probably about 25 or 30) have been called Mademoiselle in French-speaking countries. The move to using Madame for every woman is quite recent.

"No one uses "master", though. DS (who is 2) has been Mr from birth! "

Not true that nobody uses master. It was definitely used when I worked for a call centre that serviced lawyers.
I don't think there are many situations when children are called by their title anyway, at least not in speech.

Not in speech no but on letters yes.
Medical correspondence, passport form IIRC, and bank account.

I always use Miss. I don't know, maybe I'd like to be a Mrs if I ever got married. I really don't mind. I'm not a feminist though.

I switched from Miss to Ms when I left school. And have not changed it since.

I don't mind if people call me Mrs DHsurname socially, but I've never used it on an official document.

I got married on Saturday and am keeping my name and title of Ms which I have used for the last 25 years. There seem to be persistent myths about Ms - I have had at least 2 sercretaries who insisted that I could only be called Ms if I had been divorced and only included Ms in my outgoing letters under difference. Not sure if is dying out but am surprised at the number of younger women who change their name (Yes I am a 50+ feminist!)

" but am surprised at the number of younger women who change their name (Yes I am a 50+ feminist!)"

My theory, of which I am convinced even though I have no evidence, is that this is due to the growth of cohabiting. The change of surname and the wedding rings are now the only outward signs of marriage.

Interesting theory. It's sad really, if all that marriage means to (some) people is becoming "Mrs Hisname" That and the wedding, the expensive celebration!

I'm quite "traditional" in that I wanted to be married before having children. I wanted the legal and financial commitment in order to feel emotionally secure. I wanted to celebrate our relationship and our commitment with family and friends. I did not want to become Mrs Hisname!

Im not a feminist

You don’t want equality between men and women?

Kennehora
Wow, you are either spectacularly rude or spectacularly tactless! Whether you meant to or not, you have basically called me "narcissistic and attention seeking" because I wanted to celebrate my relationship.
Clearly you have a bee in your bonnet about your sister's wedding. No need to insult everyone else who had one!

Mid 30s here, Ms, feminist. I knew people associate it with divorced feminists and thought that was a bonus. The only person who uses it (other than me on occasional forms) is my grandmother, who carefully noted my preference not to take on someone else’s name and honours that. Everyone else persists in sending Christmas cards to Mr and Mrs DH.

@Kennehora I think it's a bit harsh to say that everyone who has a traditional wedding is a narcissist!

Have to say I'm not keen on MS, but do tend to use it on official forms etc. If anyone asks me directly whether it is MS or MRS, I tend to say "Whatever.... I'm not bothered" - which is true.

What I do dislike intensely, though is that so many women actually look forward to using the " Mrs". They see it as a status thing. I've never wanted to be a MRS.

It seems totally narcissistic and attention-seeking. I'd rather curl up and die than encourage people to come and fawn over me just because some bloke and I want to fuck each other and go to Tesco's together.

That does sound incredibly aggressive......

Committed relationships, especially marriage, tend to have a social function and a social meaning, value & presence as well as a purely personal one; and if in love it is natural to want to solidify that with a public announcement of some sort.

I always use Miss. I don't know, maybe I'd like to be a Mrs if I ever got married. I really don't mind. I'm not a feminist though.

You might well become one, though, when people start to address your husband instead of you, and you end up being financially dependent through having small children.

I think Kennehora might be saying more about herself than about anyone else there...
Still pretty fucking rude.