Miss/Ms/Mrs

[gigi556]

I'm getting married next month. I'm not taking my husbands surname.

Bit of background which may or may not be relevant... I'm an American living in the UK for many many years. I'm also an Italian national but identify more as American which is where I grew up. As an Italian, I'm not allowed to change my surname so makes the issue a bit of a moot point. However, given the choice I'd rather keep my name anyway.

Do most people use Ms once married if they keep their name or would they have used it before then anyway? I've always used Miss without giving it much thought. I guess I've never liked the sound of Ms. Silly I know. Even though the point of using it is to be neutral, the connotation to me is feminist (not a bad thing but perhaps negative to some in society?) or divorced. Maybe I should buy a title so I don't have to use any of them

Thoughts? Maybe these prefixes should be done away with for everyone. It's not something my other half has to think about at all!

To be fair, I don't think I'd correct people if they referred to me as Mrs DPs Surname.

How will anything change if you don’t?

I'm not a feminist though.

You don’t believe women are equal to men? Wow.

I use all 3 depending on my mood, although rarely Mrs Dh name as that to me is giving personal information about myself, ie my marital status which men don’t do with Mr.

Most of my documentation use either Ms or Miss though.

Of course men aren't equal to women. They are different. 6 isn't equal to 5. One may be bigger but neither are better.

I personally hate Ms. I associate it with divorcees.

I'm very happily divorced and a Miss...didn't want to even acknowledge that I had even been married to such an evil pig! When I marry next year I'll remain a Miss at work but not sure if I'll change to Mrs at all. I find it a bit "ownershippy". I'm double-barrelling fiance's name and my maiden name ☺

I find it a bit "ownershippy". I'm double-barrelling fiance's name and my maiden name

Maiden name is a term stemming from ownership too. What’s your fiancé doing with his name?

OP, which of the prefixes do you like best? I'd just use that one.

My 'real' title is Dr (PhD variety), but I never use it. I go by 'Mrs', just because I like it more. I kept my own surname, though. Ms never appealed to me, as it sounded a bit aggressively feminist. But it's all personal choice, and you should just choose the one you like best and which has the nicest associations for you as an individual.

I go by 'Mrs', just because I like it more.

But to others it’s a clear signifier that you’ve achieved the great pinnacle of life for women - you’ve found yourself a man, you lucky thing.

Ms never appealed to me, as it sounded a bit aggressively feminist.

How is it aggressive to want the same privilege as men, ie to not want to announce your marital status as part of your name?

Of course men aren't equal to women. They are different. 6 isn't equal to 5. One may be bigger but neither are better.

I don’t feel this will end well...

@MoreSlidingDoors

For me, my maiden name recognises my history and heritage of which I am proud. I don't see why I should have to "lose" that when I marry.

Fiance will just stay the same.

My boys have the same surname as my ex.

Sad thing is the surname family trees will stop with both myself and my fiance anyway. He is the last male in his line and my brother in ours.

@MoreSlidingDoors

to others it’s a clear signifier that you’ve achieved the great pinnacle of life for women - you’ve found yourself a man, you lucky thing

Um... I'm divorced. XH abused our children, so I left him. So really, really lucky me. 😂. Still prefer Mrs, though. Just because Miss feels a bit little-girlish (to me) and Ms feels a bit feminist. And my rightful Dr title feels a bit 'look how clever I am'. But as I say, it's up to the individual.

Why can't we just be like men and have one title regardless of marital status etc?!! Problem solved!

I've always used Ms, which I started in the 80s.
I'm not really bothered now, but its on my bank card, and other bits and bobs.

@DrGradusAdParnassum

Do you mind me asking if you have you still kept your ex-husband's surname (if you changed it upon marriage)?

For me, I could think of nothing worse than being associated with my ex!

My boys have their dad's surname as we were married when they were born and I was Mrs ex's surname. It's not within my power to change it although my youngest has expressed an interest in double-barrelling when he is allowed to legally.

I decided about two years before DH and I got engaged that I wasn't changing his name, so as passports, driving licences etc needed renewed or GP surgeries changed I swapped to Ms- so I had zero admin when we got married, hurrah! A secretary I worked with genuinely thought you only used Ms if you were divorced, and hated anyone using anything but Miss when referring to her- I found the idea that she would turn her nose up at it for that reason a bit distasteful, like being divorced was shameful or something.

I work in a professional role and get a lot of letters from legal firm and they all call me Ms (without knowing my marital status or preference) so I disagree it's dying. I also use it as a default unless I know for certain the person I'm referring to is married and uses their married name.

I use Mrs/Dr depending on situation.

Well I for one am genuinely proud I'm a divorcee! That I found the courage to escape an abusive marriage. I hate it when people say "Oh I'm sorry to hear you're divorced" when changing back bank cards etc. My reply is "Well I'm not, he was a complete and utter pig!"

Ms feels a bit feminist. And my rightful Dr title feels a bit 'look how clever I am'.

Hm... I use Dr professionally (it's the norm not the exception in my field) but mostly Mrs otherwise... I think I quite fancy starting to use Ms, if it's likely to be understood as 'a bit feminist'.

I just mix them up, and use Mrs/Ms/Miss as I see fit depending on situation.

You don't have to stick to one prefix, for ever - since there are several, why not play with them?

I used Mrs for decades (because of social expectation, but also I got a more interesting surname), but am now shifting between Mrs, Ms and Miss, according to circumstance.

Lol, a feminist to me probably is an extreme sort of character. Which I'm not. I really couldn't give a hoot what you call me - once it's not too early in the morning.

"Why can't we just be like men and have one title regardless of marital status etc?!! Problem solved!"

We can. Ms. That's why I use it.

I dislike Ms, Miss and Mrs. When I got my first nursery job we were known as just Groovee. But in my current role I am Mrs Groovee in the nursery. But I regularly get Miss off the children with Groovee. As long as the Groovee is there I'm not fussed.

However the head has put me on the staff list as Ms! Only the nursery staff have their prefixes on the website as well. I'd much rather we didn't and we're like the rest of the staff. It is my own fault for getting a job where I am known by my last name.