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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

My husband is woke

153 replies

WizbetisaNizbet · 03/03/2019 12:21

Just that really.

He spotted something I wrote on here and stated it was “hate filled.” Nope it was an innocuous comment of the signatories of the letter in the Scottish Herald. He’s quoted Owen Jones at me “you’re on the wrong side of history.”

He ignores what I say when I try to talk about why I don’t agree with what is going, on telling me that I am denying trans people their rights. I ask him how my refuse to use pronouns denies anyone thier rights or what rights are being denied but he can’t seem to answer me. When I give him examples in answer to his questions he doesn’t want to talk about specific examples that are relevant.

He can’t see what the problem is about women’s sports, self-ID etc. He also keeps telling me I side with Trump (no). To be honest i’m fed up and upset that he won’t listen to my trying to explain to him why women are so upset and angry.

This is just a vent by the way.

OP posts:
YouBumder · 03/03/2019 12:23

My husband is similar (although he wouldn’t support trans people in sports competing as their chosen gender) in his case I don’t think he’s “woke” as such, more just not checking his male privilege

GoGoJo · 03/03/2019 12:24

Yeah my housemate is the same. It's very frustrating. Especially when he says "I don't care about any sports" as if that is a reason to completely destroy women's competitions!

InionEile · 03/03/2019 12:25

If he’s so woke, tell him he needs to check his male cisheteronormative* privilege. Woke folk are all about checking the privilege! Yet very few of the woke bros seem to really think about how their perspective on trans rights is bound up with male privilege.

  • they love that word.
LumpySpacedPrincess · 03/03/2019 12:27

Always state what your defending, women and girls existing right and protections.

Say your disappointing that he wants girls to lose privacy, bit creepy really, why does he feel now is a good time to make access to girls easier. Tell him it makes you sad that he doesn't think women deserve sport or to have representation in parliament. I would also be shocked that he supports homophobia and the bullying of lesbians.

Wrong side of history, my arse. Has he looked at history? History is women being treated as shit for almost all of it, damn right we're on the wrong side of history, any bugger who thinks women are human beings generally is.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 03/03/2019 12:28

you're not your.....baaaaaa

NotTerfNorCis · 03/03/2019 12:28

He can’t see what the problem is about women’s sports

Really? How does he think it's justified, then? Does he believe hormone treatment turns men into delicate flowers who then go on to win through sheer gutsy determination, or is he so prepared to see transwomen as just another kind of woman that he doesn't care that they have an advantage?

JemAppelleLafayette · 03/03/2019 12:28

That’s rubbish Wizbet. I definitely think for some ( esp some men) this is an uphill climb- the issues just aren’t as obvious or pertinent to them. I was trying to explain to a friend of mine who admitted that the transgender issue had passed her by. You could see that some of things I was telling her sounded a bit far fetched but she stated that she knew I was a kind and liberal person, and was happy to give me fair hearing. I hope your husband climbs down of his woke horse and engages his critical thinking skills.

CharlieParley · 03/03/2019 12:29

You may get through to him eventually. I got through to mine, but it took some time. I even got through to my oldest DS and he's at university surrounded by the woke.

sackrifice · 03/03/2019 12:29

Ask him from me:

Does he need me to point out the male in this picture?

If not, why not?

My husband is woke
MillytantForceit · 03/03/2019 12:30

An History Graduate Writes:

What is this 'Wrong Side' of History?
If it teaches us anything, it is that progress is not and has never been inevitable. The good guys often lose.

mummmy2017 · 03/03/2019 12:31

As them to point out a male,who transection, had a baby and is breastfeeding it...
That person is someone you think k should be allowed to compete in woman's sports

Knicknackpaddyflak · 03/03/2019 12:32

Is he happy to have sex with a man with penis?

If he has any doubts about that then he knows there is a reality based difference that he is wholly and viscerally aware of between male and female people. And he believes in his own right to a sexual preference based on biological reality.

The only remaining question then is why does he feel HE has a right to know this and have it respected, but no woman in the UK should expect or wish for the same right.

SharkBastard · 03/03/2019 12:37

My husband is the same, you can imagine how my being arrested has made it some what more uncomfortable 😂

EweSurname · 03/03/2019 12:38

Sharkbastard !

ErrolTheDragon · 03/03/2019 12:41

telling me that I am denying trans people their rights

He is denying women and girls their rights. Ask him how it's ok for a man to do that?

Knicknackpaddyflak · 03/03/2019 12:41

What is this 'Wrong Side' of History?

Ugh that phrase. It's so Tony Blairish isn't it? Sounds all cool and dramatic to say, but unpack it a bit and you're left thinking...….. yeah, that doesn't really work, does it? In fact it's a bit daft.

It's all kind of 'don't you want to be on the winning team? (regardless of if they're morally right and you agree with them?)' which always sounds like 'don't you want to be in our gang with the cool kids?' Which really ought to stop being an issue for anyone past the age of about eighteen.

History is also largely a matter of where you're standing. In 1939 for example in Germany it was life or death to make sure you were on message with the cool kids, which involved having to at least convincingly claim you held all sorts of awful, awful views. By 1945 those same 'right side of history/cool and on message' views were called international war crimes. They're still looked back on in utter horror. But the proponents of them at the time would have told you you were crazy and needed locking up for disagreeing with them.

SharkBastard · 03/03/2019 12:41

Yup, he is pro self ID, believes sports should be separated by ability, we are evolving and should embrace changes to law and policy...

LangCleg · 03/03/2019 12:43

I suggest the cunnilingus challenge.

WhoGivesADamnForAFlakeyBandit · 03/03/2019 12:43

My DH said - unprompted - 'did you see about that person who had IVF and changed sex at the same time, what's that about.... and there was a man ranting about cycling on the radio' and I was soo proud Grin He's got a proper science PhD as well so I had to tell him about RK''s lying thesis and about the sociologist saying women just weren't trying hard enough. I think he's there but also doesn't get it at all.

LangCleg · 03/03/2019 12:43

(Only the other way around, obvs! Sorry! Was too dry for my own good there!)

IM0GEN · 03/03/2019 12:49

I don’t know any male sports fan who believe that biological men competing as women is fair.

They might not care if they don’t watch women’s sport. But that’s a different thing.

And they WILL start caring when Their 17 year old teenage daughters are squeezed out of their sports teams.

MillytantForceit · 03/03/2019 12:51

My favourite commentary on the Inevitability of Progress fallacy is Donald Fagin's majestic IGY, recalling the vision of the International Geophysical Year of 1957:

Just machines to make big decisions
Programmed by fellows with compassion and vision
We'll be clean when their work is done
We'll be eternally free, yes, and eternally young

(And Spandex jackets for everyone!)

Zwischenwasser · 03/03/2019 12:53

I have never been more grateful that I inadvertently ended up with a bloke who freely admits he is at heart White Van Man.

He got it instantly, on all counts. Same sex spaces, fairness in sport. I’m kind of Hoping that he is a bit of a barometer for the masses in this, and that the supposed British sense of fair play that will tip the whole damn thing on its head.

ErrolTheDragon · 03/03/2019 12:54

No one can say what will turn out to be 'the wrong side of history' but I'm darned sure we're on the right side of biology.

He ignores what I say when I try to talk about why I don’t agree with what is going,...

That sort of behaviour- men blithely disregarding what women have to say about matters which affect women's rights (and I'm guessing you have also read a lot more about the subject?) - should surely be 'on the wrong side of history" in the 20th century.

ShowOfHands · 03/03/2019 12:55

My mother is the same. A mutual friend has just announced (on FB no less) that his 11yo dd is a girl now. Said ds has been through a lot of trauma including being forcibly removed from his mother aged 9. My Mum just keeps saying wrong bodies and feelz and where is the harm. If I persist, she cries and says I'm being horrid.